This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Didn't get to work again. This time a tyre puncture. ARGH!!!!

Been reading and listening to the state of affairs out there in society.

If you have a roof, aren't hungry and have your health.... (for the most part. I know mental health in here is sometimes less than ideal)..... you're probably doing ok.

Forget the bullies. Do they pay your bills? NOOOOOOO.....

I've seen a story and it's playing on my mind. I am considering stepping up but it won't be until I have wheel later today.

[asdff]

Velvet must be the day for those sort of things. The battery in my car key. The thing that locks the car has gone. Industrious me. Fixed it. So fiddly. Car flats be a pain. We went through a few tyres a few years back m. Lots of nails on the streets.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

It is annoying from a teenager but when child is in late thirties and still criticises one it is hard to understand, don’t wear that you look awful, you look so old and dumpy etc . It is not all the time but it hurts.

Flat tyre, battery in car , I had to come back to my house 3 times this morning as I forget phone, keys and glasses each time I reached the corner of the street.

velvet after hearing about Tonga , I feel so privelegec.

[Leisa68]

Hi all,

Asdff, I am sorry you are going through anxiety. Teenagers should sincerely be banned and only bought out on special occasions. I have a pre-teen, and I am already getting a warning on what he will be like. Oh god.

Quirky you are so right about toxic people! I cannot understand the mindset of someone who will say things like what my friend says to me, and then complements me! I hate it. May have to kick her off the Leisa bus.

The movie last night was fun, an old horror movie starring Diana Dors. Remember her! She was fantastic. Today's session with psych was good. I feel better, learned a bit. We spent time talking about me accepting that I am now disabled and need to make my life easier. In my life, I have always gone to work, worked very hard, as a nurse and the fact I cannot go out there anymore and am on a Disability Pension is killing me. I just feel worthless. However, life goes on, and I will keep up my sessions, but I am not sure how to give up. Yet.

I'm still smiling most of the time.

Leisa

[velvetfaerie]

Yes. Tonga. The reports aren't good. I was gobsmacked seeing the satellite pics of the Volcano. Mother nature.

Today was positive in the end. Good service and help regarding tyre fiasco.

Good workout at gym.

And soon.... good sleep.

Can't say I'm sad about not having to deal with ex things teenager anymore. Not sad. Not even a bit.

[Airies]

Leisa, I love following the old Hollywood stars on FB along with historical buildings as well. It took me a number of years to accept I was on a disability pension. I love your positive attitude. I think collectively we have all gone the extra mile in this group and then burnout.

Keep at the sessions as long as it takes. Have a break if need be and then come back. A good understanding psych is a god send.

im still waiting for an inpatient PTSD course to commence. It was supposed to start but I’m guessing it’s a no go due to,Covid.

V , good on you having a good workout at gym and then good sleep. I’ve been watching the tennis, staying up late and poor dieting with the premise I will start tomorrow. Haha maybe after aAustralia Day when all the tourists have gone.

[Leisa68]

Hi Airies

That's amazing that you follow stars like Diana! She really was terrific, real ballsy. I didn't think it would be quick to accept being disabled but along with the BP, it just seems things are spiraling out of control a little. Today got stuck into the new James Patterson Alex Cross thriller and completely ignored the kitchen. In fact "What Kitchen"? Tonight is answering emails night. A chore, but has to be done.

The situation in Tonga, I feel is a little worse than what we have been led to believe. I feel for the people over there, the space pictures looked horrific on TV. I hope the government is doing something for them.

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Just a quick rant, had a long not so great day. Had to have a covid test, first time, pouring rain things at home ok, then they were not. Dropped phone in water then big argument how to fix, Then Blamed for ruining day , etc , . All peaceful now. I am ok.

yes Leisa heart goes out to Tonga.

[velvetfaerie]

*hugs* for all who've had a bad day.

Sweaty gross hugs but the thought is there.

I hope today is better Quirky.

[quirkywords]

Sweaty gross hugs is wonderful I can only offer soaking wet hugs.
thanks Velvet

Has any one read

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

by Lundy bancroft

It mentions different types

ones who have to be right

the ones who play the victim

the ones who appear sensitive , they are ones I know

There are lots more. It is available online.

Title misleading as it does mention controlling women.