This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Velvet, Perth weather is bipolar. Hot as a furnace yesterday and back to 20’s next week. Yesterday was super hot and I had an appointment, then picked up both kids at different schools. I had to get out of the car while waiting for them. I felt like I was cooking.

I am not going well. I’m okay, I think without meds I would depressed. It’s the change coming and not the menopause change. It’s nearly school hols, my youngest is going off to high school next year. That is a huge change. I have been an active member of the primary school community. I remember him being so small and the car being quiet after dropping him off.

[quirkywords]

Asdff
I liked primary but high school was a moody mess for me.

I was involved at primary’s hook helping in the library and eventually had work in the special needs Class. They went to high school on the bus and I was told by each child not to volunteer at high school or it would be too embarrassing and humiliating for them.
Luckily I had part time work at primary school.
i tried not to put my sad memories of high school onto my children who seemed to like high school.

[velvetfaerie]

Enjoying the cooler weather. Enjoying being a bit lazy. Ok. I did 2hr & 15min of gym classes this am. I think lazy is all I can accomplish this afternoon. I was woken at 4.30am by the roosting corella pile in the trees next to my house. LOUD!!!

I am learning to accept myself more even if society doesn't. Don't care. Cliques at work or at gym. Don't care. I'm not there for acceptance into cliques with fake & shallow people.

School holidays. Thoughts and prayers. *wink* *joke* .... truly I hope all the parents out there don't have too much bad kid behaviour on their hands this season.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I like that you are accepting yourself mire even if others do t,

I am trying to accept myself too except I still worry what others think about me.

I know I shouldn’t but I do ?

[velvetfaerie]

I don't think anyone should be made to feel ashamed if they deviate from the expected norms society throws upon people, unless you are a person who does bad things to others of course.

There is an instructor at my gym who is super pro exercise to manage mental health. It's her angle. It's her pitch. It's why she has a charity and fitness business. She seems to have a massive issue with me since she made me feel uncomfortable in a class. I observed for the last 6 months since that day. She definitely avoids me and there is the odd micro aggression too. I even went and spoke to her supervisor as this is making me super uncomfortable. I almost cancelled my membership because of it. I told the supervisor to leave it be as It's probably both of us misreading each other and I'll try to break ice tomorrow.

Yesterday I tried twice. I tried small talk and she walked away. The token high fives during class, my turn and she pulled away.

Good on ya love. Pro mental health / exercise and you are sending me signals like that? No idea what I ever did to her. No idea what her issue is.

And it's that. Her issue. Lucky I go there for me. I won't put my health aside for her BS. Also it's Drs orders I exercise! It is one of the things I NEED to do to manage my adhd.

Sorry about that waffle. Ahah. I just cannot handle blatant hypocrites like that. Blah blah MH. Oh but you're different so I'll make you feel uncomfortable.

Pfft.

[Airies]

Very very ordinary on her part V, you’re paying a gym membership, she’s supposed to be a professional. It’s amassing the difference exercise makes as you well know.
I rode yesterday, a few hills and had to Ice my ankle post ride, bummer I’ve overdone it or the steroid shots didn’t work. Rest day bike wise , managed a walk and iced again.
In the new year will try again re diet, pointless now leading up to Xmas.

Finally some warmer weather, hope everyone in tracking ok

[velvetfaerie]

Exercise rocks.

Ignorance can rock too only if they're open to learning and trying to understand. Most people aren't.

Bike rides are great and I need to get back onto those again.

Christmas. Eeeeewk.

[quirkywords]

Velvet I have concluded in my advancing age that there are some people I don’t understand,

Aries, warmer weather here too.

Is anyone feeling so tired, I have been like this for a week or so.

[asdff]

Velvet, the gym instructor probably has issues. Try not to take it personally. I know wha met you mean though. There is an instructor at my gym that knows around 20 names in our classes. Never mine and I’m there more than most. My shortened version of my name is not hard to remember.

Here is something I am pondering today. I’m always pondering. I am not meaning to offend anyone. I just need to know why and if I can do something similar. We were at a party. I’m chatting to a Dad and son. This son is roughly the same age as my son. My son is next to me. Knows no one. I barely know the Dad. I ask what age child is? His name? Child responds. Then Dad said he is autistic. My reaction was okay. We continued conversation a bit more and I introduced my on. Spoke about video games. Later at party. Another parent said so and so is autistic. Okay. Now my question is, when did we need to know in social settings that a child is autistic? I know some autistic people struggle in social situations. They can’t read social cues, look people in the eyes etc. Why do I need to know that about the child? I can read people well. I don’t judge and I think both of these children were fine and capable of a conversation. So in the last few years have we changed as a society ? To tell people our label.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

years ago when I worked with special needs children, a student from the high school said when she met anyone, she said hi my name is ( insert girls name) and I am. A High functioning autistic. Teachers and other adults would laugh.

I felt sad as the reason she said this was because every adult said that about her within her hearing.

I made a point of not talking about students in from of them.

I know this is different but I find it awkward when parents say their child is shy, loud, talented, awkward etc , has ADHD , is depressed .
I agree with you.