This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[SourceShield]

Hello Lovelies,

Our band is coming along splendidly!

In real life - I'm a baritone-tenor...more baritone now if anything but in cyber-land sure I can sing anything!

So, soprano for Bohemian Rhapsody...too easy!

Love Billy Joel...my fave is - You May Be Right...I May Be Crazy (story of my life).

I have sung some Phantom before for a cabaret show...we are a very eclectic band, aren't we?

...if we're getting new boots, I want blue sparkly ones too please ala Bowie in his Glam Rock period!.

I will get me saxophone all cleaned up and ready for our first jam session...mega-fun!!!.

How's everyone else goin?

MuchJoy

[Guest_322]

Hi Kaz and Kaitoa,

You'll both rock your blue boots! Very colour coordinated.

Sounds great! I'm open to your Elton John and Billy Joel suggestions, Kaz. If I have the sheet music then I can sight read and it's all sweet.

Yay, you'll get to showcase your hidden soprano talents Kaitoa! Warm up your voice and sax 😊

Dottie x

[SourceShield]

Nice one Dottie...Champion!!!.

[Ellu]

Dear Kazzl and others,

I am new to this bi-polar thead so I hope you don't mind me butting in. I have had bi-polar disorder for 47 years (since I was 15) and my life has been a series of ups and downs. When I am really depressed I can't get out of bed - I usually end up in hospital. My highs are not too bad, but they make me wound up and stressed and I have problems living a regular life. At the moment I am well but soooo tired! I asked my doctor today and he says that chronic fatigue for up to several months is common after an episode. He recommends trying to stick to a routine in life - going to bed and getting up at the same times, and working through a daily routine to keep things under control.

I just wanted to say to you all that despite my bi-polar I have managed to have a career, and 4 children who are now in their 20's. The bi-polar never goes away completely, but it is possible to work around it and lead a fulfilling life. We musn't lose hope, we are all unique individuals with worthwhile qualities we can share.

Best wishes to everyone,

Ellu

[SourceShield]

MuchLove Ellu!.

PeaceOut

Kaitoa

[Kazzl]

Hi Ellu! I've seen you around the threads and I'm so glad you've joined us here! (Thanks Kaitoa for making Ellu welcome.)

You are absolutely spot on when you say it never goes away but we can work around it and lead fulfilling lives. That's such a good attitude and it's true and something we must hold on to during the bad times.

For me, acceptance hasn't been easy. I was diagnosed early this year after being treated for a long time for depression. The hypomanic aspects were masked for many years by drinking - I self-medicated with booze and put my bad, mad behaviour down to that (I've now been sober for 5 years). And, of course, when I felt elated and wildly enthusiastic and generally 'high', I thought that was how life was supposed to be. Couldn't understand why other people didn't agree with me or think the way I did or wanted to do what I wanted.

Then I started cycling rapidly, over a period of months, and, well, diagnosis.

I'm now at a point where I'm stable and mostly well, and I've accepted it. In fact, I guess, I've embraced it and become committed to helping other people with serious disorders, especially bipolar.

You know, what your doctor said about fatigue is really interesting. I've not heard that before but it makes sense. I have bipolar 2 so I'm milder than many people, but I also experience fatigue, and often depression, after a big up. I'm prone to crashing straight after an up (although I think that's improving with medication and less stress in my life). I can certainly understand how people with much more severe episodes might take months to recover.

Like you Ellu, I have had a career and raised a family (daughters aged 30 and 27). I'm trying to start a new career now in mental health and will be studying for basic qualifications next year with the aim of becoming a support worker.

We certainly must not lose hope hun. There's much to be hopeful about! And, while we know the episodes might come and go for the rest of our lives, we also know that we can get through them and live and enjoy the bits in between.

Very best wishes to you Ellu

Kaz

[Ellu]

Dear Kazzl,

Thank you for inviting me onto this thread. It sounds like a real community of friendly people, people who understand what it is all about! I have had bi-polar disorder for 47 years and am currently well. I am afraid I don't play any musical instruments, but I did use to sing in a choir - maybe I could do backup vocals! I like Baroque music, but I also like reggae, rock steady, bluegrass and Cajun. Plus of course I like all those tunes from the 70's when I was at uni. and we used to sit around listening to music all night! My two nephews are both professional musicians, but I am afraid the musical gene passed me by...

Hello to you all, hope you don'tmind me joining your discussion. I don't know any other people with bi-polar, so I am happy to meet you all.

Ellu

[Kazzl]

Hi Ellu - great to see you! Another singer, woo hoo!

Y'know they say that bipolar folks are often creative, and there's quite a few famous creative types - musicians, actor, artists - who have bipolar. We're special haha.

Serious matter - do you and our other bipolar buddies here experience anger (of the explosive variety) as part of the condition? I was reading a blog I like yesterday and the writer mentioned that many people do (I sure do) but that it's not included as a symptom of bipolar in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) which is the official clinical standard for diagnosing and classifying mental health conditions (from the US but used internationally).

Most people responding to the blog said they felt explosive anger was symptomatic, and I've always considered it the 'bad' up, ie angry not elated, hypomania​.

What do others think?

What's prompted this is this morning, in a matter of seconds, I went from a perfectly happy normal mood to screaming and swearing, wanting to smash my phone and computer and yell at the bank when something that should have been an easy process wouldn't work. Fortunately my hubby, who knows my behaviour well, intervened. It'll probably take me the rest of the day to come down now.

Am I just a cranky bugger, or do others experience this?

By the way Ellu - if you're interested in the blog, google Natasha Tracy, Bipolar Burble.​

Love

Kaz

[SourceShield]

MuchLove Kaz!

Are you okay now?

Peace

Kaitoa

[SourceShield]

Hi Ellu!

I love reggae music too!

Also love bluegrass and cajun...I'm listening to Elmore James on Youtube as I type!

...Elmore James - The King Of Slide...

The more singers for our band the merrier, in my opinion.

Glad to have you here with us.

MuchLove

Kaitoa