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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

10,705 Replies 10,705

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

People who are foul mouthed and others who are mean to children really annoy me.

I am tired after a few days of looking after a kindergarten aged child.

still get dizzy most days. 

Quirky , yep no wonder you’re tired. Have they looked at what makes you dizzy?

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Aries doctor says as I am not nauseous the dizziness is nothing.

so I try to ignore it  but it is annoying. Especially when I don’t feel ok to walk.


Everyone do you like exercising or do you do it because you know you should.

Quirky, I do it because I always have due to my addictive nature. Without it can’t imagine. I’ve even reduced meds due to excercise.it all sounds rosy but it’s not. Having X-rays for a troublesome left hip.

The best way to express yourself to someone without using gutter language is to use the wonderfully expressive English language. It has a better impact. I'm on the mend. Still a bit congested but going along ok.

I exercise for my mental health. The other benefits are a plus. 

Velvet glad you are on mend.
aries since I have had my fit bit I tend to e addicted and don’t exercise if I do not  have it on.

Tonight I was contacted by a person I went to school with asking if I saw a mutual friends post on Facebook.

No. And I didn't elaborate. None of their business.

I have blocked that person who's post I needed to see because when you lie to other friends about me, and I have the proof in screen caps, don't come looking for sympathy from me for anything ever again. 

I am absolutely raging about it. 

This person has held me accountable for my poor behaviour over the years, (rightfully so), but has always failed to hold herself accountable for things.

I don't ever want to speak to her again. Ever. 

Velvet, 

I am amazed how people treat others on FB. 
Sorry you were treated  badly by this person.

I have been out of contact due to stress and we know Bipolar doesn’t mix with stress. Phew it’s been a rather rough couple of weeks, finally the criminal issue has been mostly sorted. There is just one more step till it’s over. I look forward to some low stress time and catching up on your posts. 

Oh they were treating others like thst before FB existed, they just have extra ways of playing games.