This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

Hi All...My heart goes out to you Suzie as a parent. It doesn't matter how old your kids are you still worry about them. 

Quirky school is alright. It's been busy. We have a new syllabus next year so programming on top of marking, writing senior reports and teaching! 

Hope everyone is having a good weekend 🙂

[Airies]

Asdff, that sounds like such a good  idea, something I might look into.Lisa it must be school  holidays soon mustn’t it? I loose all track of time.A close relative has come down from interstate. Most of the family attended but I couldn’t due to mobility issues. I did extend a welcome to come over and yet again to no avail as per an email. I can’t be bothered. Guess I won’t see them for years. My phone calls will become texts. As they say you can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. 

[laundrylady]

Hello Bipolar Life, It has taken me many visits to solve the computer screen options and be able to post. Forgotten why I had the urge in the first place. I have bipolar and it is like living with a rock in my shoe. I feel like I have to try hard to hide the disorder, like I am held back. If I could do it all again I would live in a country where high emotional expression is the norm. 

[Airies]

Hello Laundry lady.I am not fixed never will be but fortunate enough to come out of the other side after my diagnosis a number of years ago.

Velvet hope you are ok. 

[quirkywords]

Laundrylady

Thanks for your post and welcome.
I have been living with bipolar for over 50 years. It is part of me but does nit define me. 

I have found people here are more understanding than they were 50 years ago when I was called lazy and obnoxious and there was little understanding of mental illness. 

Weare a friendly and support group and nonjudgmental here. Feel free to post whenever you like,

You are not alone and we are listening. 

[Airies]

Asdff, I found this post most informative and refreshing . I hope I don’t  offend you tho. I don’t get panicked but more frustrated and in a constant state as I get older. I blame my meds for my appetite. I’m like you I need excercise to balance me out. Something I can’t do at the moment. I will look out for sunflower lanyard badge. 

[quirkywords]

Aries I get frustrated with small unimportant things and I over react when people say something I view as negative People say one ages one chills , relaxes  and does not care about what others say or think. Not me I seem to care more. 

[asdff]

Airies no offence taken, with your frustration. As you said it’s constant, does this frustration make you angry and irritable? I am quick to anger and irritable lots. I also eat more lately and I suspect mine is medication related eating too. 

Quirky, I am so not relaxing and taking it easier as I age. I’m more irritable and I forget things more often too. I’m not too bad but at times, I’m looking for a word. It’s on the tip of my tongue and once I walk away from the situation the word or phrase will come to me. I suspect that is medication related too. Like my senses aren’t quite as sharp as they were. I will take forgetting the odd word or phrase because I was depressed before. I do get it now but not the huge dips. 

[Airies]

Quirky, many things set me off, the wind , the weather, people, the news. Guess I could turn it off but we don’t. 
Asdff, we are so alike. I’m so forgetful. Shows I watched yesterday. Yet I can remember things from my childhood. The void in between has been wiped. I’m no expert but the medication plays a part. 
Can thank ECT as well. I struggle to get words out as well when under the pump 

[laundrylady]

Just amazing to have found my way back and to post again. I am not compatible with technology, to many options, to much happening and I would love to dull the screen. Ok, I just put my sunglasses on, problem solved. I am not the same as before my diagnosis and I'm getting used to the now. I like to think there is comfort in company and thanks for reading my post.