This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Asdff , hugs from across the States. My wife is the rational one and says ill of no one.You make so so much sense, we are so alike.Veronica Lake is another actress who battled her demons.I’ve aged so much over the last decade. I don’t think having my brain fried has helped haha.I 

Lisa take time out for yourself. I’m not the best with words and hope I don’t come across as uncaring.

I’ve finally finished tending to my veggie patch. COVID has taken a while to recover from, i had a flu vac yesterday and have a reaction, doing a fair bit of comfort eating.

[quirkywords]

Thinking of you Lisa and your partner.

Asdff and Aries people say to me focus and stop overthinking , life is too short, let things go etc . This is my life. 

[asdff]

Quirky, I had someone ask when I was going back to work today? I nearly laughed out loud. I wanted to say surviving the day is my goal. I do go through stages of wanting to work and boy I am aware how much things cost. I used to think when my kids get to this age, I’ll go back to work and sometimes I would apply for things. Sometimes I would get interviews. I have now come to realise those times were hypermania for me. 

[Airies]

Asdff, can recall writing 16 pages of crap to address key selection criteria and addressing mission and vision statements for job applications for promotions within the public service only to write the same crap for jobs in the real world.Like you and others I survive but I try and survive. I simply have to

[velvetfaerie]

I typed a reply and **puff** gone.

Sending hugs and things for you all.

I'll come back and type again. If I don't.... please rest assured y'all are in my thoughts.

[quirkywords]

Velvet 

thanks for your kind words.

I find the posts I lose are the ones that  are longer than others and are often ones I like.

[quirkywords]

Does anyone find a certain person can annoy them but then realise they may be unreasonable and overacting.?

How does one trust ones feelings..?

[Airies]

Quirky, I find nowadays I live in a constant state of annoyance at varying degrees. I never used to be like that. I was subdued, maybe even stifled growing up. I’ve limited contact with friends, family. Yes I am unreasonable, often frustrated but cherish the moments of calm. 
is it a thing of getting older?our condition? Yesterday I was hyper in the morning, in bed in the afternoon unable to sleep and ready to go outside late evening and confront some people who were talking at length in the street.As a result tired as. I even tried some strategies I’ve learned from my inpatient counseling days. Can i remember them no,

[quirkywords]

Aries

thanks for honesty and insights.

I think for me it is age and being tired from long covid. 

[quirkywords]

Just saying hello to everyone and wondering how everyone is.?

Lisa how are you and your partner going.?

Asdff, Aries, Velvet and all those reading what happening in your life. 

I wonder is anyone here a worrier, it’s not anxiety but I worry about small and big things and can rationalise it is pointless worrying and I need to do and not worry. 

Hugs to all who need one.