relationship breakup

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi , i was in a relationship the first after a divorce of a 20 year marriage , i didn't think i would find love again , i meet this lady through some good friends and we started slow seeing each other on weekends , we lived 2 hrs apart .. we found comfort in each other and the time we spent together was the best time i have ever spent with a women , i could watch the grass grow for ever in her company . as time went on the baggage in both our lives came out and instead of dealing with it we just broke up .. she was scared and so was i .. the going our own ways happened so suddenly and i couldn't believe it happened ...approx 10months ago ... we had little contact and got on with our lives ..i whole time feeling very sad i felt a massive loss .. honestly thought we wold spend our lives together .. i speak of the good times now but there were times that her baggage came out and with out an open communication at these times it would be impossible to have a lasting relationship ...no such communication was possible ... and i know us being apart is better ..but i am still so in love with her ...i messaged her a few days ago and showed her pictures of my apartment which i have renovated ..the finished product ..she didn't reply ..i messaged my feelings and she replied with i think you should move on like i have ..i asked her if she was seeing anyone and she said yes ...i had to get myself home and i vomited many times and just put myself to bed ..i am reliving the weekends i said with her and seeing another guy in her life exactly like i was ...i try to reflect to the times that help me understand that it wouldn't have worked between us but my heart is so full of love for her .. its painful and i can't stop crying

[monkey_magic]

" you've got me feeling emotions, deeper than I've ever dreamed of, you've got me feeling emotions, higher than the heavens above."

Wowee it sure sounds painful and sad. I rem being on that rollercoaster, now I just show some emotion in my face & I have to present at work like this 😞

I can't really say whether you're also going through depression so a doc should help in that regard & give u meds if u r also crying because of depression.

" this too shall pass"

Or perhaps she still has a hold over you.

Either way you are getting through it so here is some applause. I'm proud that u r getting there and helping yourself.

It definitely rips you open once you've felt deeply for a person....I rem bawling in different places, the car, the gym, in a corner somewhere, the bed. I rem deep crying, darkness and easier crying. I rem having depression with it so there was extra crying, then I just cried because I remembered him. It did pass though until the next one came along... Sending well wishes to an important friend 🙂 x

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi , I loved your reply , Thanks , Your right is is painful when you fall deeply in love .. It is passing i think slowly getting better ..I do feel a bit of a hold and am confused about that ..but just letting it be ...I just had a big walk which was nice a little reset ..and hey this life stuff can be a bit shitty sometimes ...Sorry to stir emotions in you on my walk i was just remembering all the times i felt crappy in the relationship , she was so cold and that made me sad i didn't know weather she was in or out , the rejection only started after i was hooked .. I should have protected myself until i got to know her better ... It would be nice to spend time with someone on weekends hang out and do stuff .. i miss that .. It will get easier ..i suppose ...time is a great healer they say .. Thank you for being a friend , replying with your wisdom , and being so genuine .. xx

Hope your going good , you sound good ..

[monkey_magic]

No probs;

As they say slow & steady wins the race. It sounds like she was taking a step then backing away, common in relationships I feel but also disheartening & like you said cold. It's healthy you are being realistic about the situation & not just thinking about the " good", u r also seeing the uneveness that she gave you making it an imbalanced relationship. ( hope I'm making sense).

I had nothing in my life for a while but now things r flooding in...the wind changes lol..

You've got me thinking about the sea breeze...even if u r just watching movies...the beach the beach aaahhhh the beach...

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hello miss Magic , you always make sense (perfect).. so true and the best thing was to dodge that bullet ..Having a better afternoon thank god .. its raining up and its nice , we really need it ..The beach is so flat ...didnt get a swim in ..Did you have a nice long weekend ??

[monkey_magic]

Yeah I did, I'm getting on top of myself lol. Been listening to music to get my tears out so I don't have an emotional face lol. Ur lucky yours just flow out...can u cry mine too...it just stays stuck in there and it changes my face lol....I'm preparing for this job interview tomorrow.

We have the power to change the shape of our life.

Appreciation and gratitude r important & knowing ourselves & knowing we come first. Whatever binds us can be broken & we can peel off its seal, its hold...unity with ourselves is important, wholeness,wholeness then togetherness, then wholeness again...I have faith u can fly again without her in your wings....

Sailing solo

Memories pass you by

Crying because it hurts

But u know ur worth

Crying because she was there

Its time to let go even if ur scared

Time will heal your wounds

Time will see other woman swoon

Time is on your side

You will get through this bumpy ride.

Enjoy your week. You come first. Do whatever you enjoy OK.

[monkey_magic]

Simon,

I re-read my last post to you and I sound drunk lol, I promise I wasn't haha 🙂

[awrinkle_in_time]

Hi , Loved the words, your Great .How did the job interview go ? Hope you got it .. and the pay is Huge 🙂 ...Feeling better so far this week .. I have found a nice distraction ... ;)...This stuff might pass in me ... I can't believe what we go through ...I feel like I'm coming out the other side ..Fingers crossed the weekend is kind to me .. You sound good and I'm so glad for that .. you write some great words miss Monkey_Magic.. Thank you ..

Can you watch a sad movie and just let all out in a huge Cry for hours ... I don't like that your holding it in ..Would happily cry for you .. Let it out in little pieces .. and in time it will be all gone and you be left with non of that stuff that holds us back ...I think your beautiful , lovely and you will find a love one day that will give you an understanding of why we suffer so much ..Hug Hug ...

[monkey_magic]

I love what you wrote too!!

Thankyou for all those compliments. My tears come out in small pieces & I agree holding it is unhealthy. I get pains in my head & chest. Some came out during shows last night.

I didn't get the job & I'm happy about it. So far from home & I have other options so I'll be choosy. I still want to give myself time too...

I found some stuff on " love" so here goes;

Love to me is someone telling me, I want to b with u for the rest of my life & if u need me I'd jump out of a plane for u.

1 universe, 9 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas & I have the privilege of meeting you.

Its not lack of love but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy couples.

Without respect love is lost. Without caring love is boring. Without honesty love is unhappy. Without trust love is unstable.

I wish I could explain your eyes, & how the sound of your voice gives me butterflies. How ur smile makes my heart skip a beat & how eveytime I'm with u I feel so complete.

You fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time.

I also hope the weekend is kind to you & I'm glad you have a distraction. I think love comes in many forms & I still receive it from those I'm close to. Some exes r out of my life, some in, some past loves I still chat to. I think its important to be " full" & that way you have love to pass on...

[Hope2BHopeful]

Hi Simon,

Thank you for your post. It was comforting to hear someone else is going through something I am now going through. I am sad all the time and I can't see to get them out of my mind. The relationship was short lived for me.. but it was the most amazing 3 weeks I have had since I have been single for 4 years. When he hooked me and I got invested into what he was saying. After a minor miscommunication, he decided to "slow it down" but it really meant he wasn't was on the same page as me.. that is a serious relationship. I am really sad and waiting to see the therapist. I know its partly to do with him but also I guess my insecurity of not finding someone who will be willing to get to know me and stick it out. I know I have good qualities but seems the bad outweighs the good. I am disappointed and sad. I don't know how to get out of this rut. I can't concentrate at work, sleep or focus on anything. Keeping busy does not help. I hope I pass this soon because I don't know what else to do.

[awrinkle_in_time]

WOW ...that was so so good .. Is it possible to find a partner that has those thoughts ?? It really would be unbelivable to have 2 people thinking all that together ..imagine how your body would flourish the health you would feel, the ability to give ...The balance .. Love is everything and we should never loose sight of that, it fixes everything ...A better job closer is the way to go ..it will come along .. no rush .

You have touched me Monkey Magic xx