I spent my whole life pretending that everything is fine when it wasn't (sexual abuse)

[Ghost_76]

I'm new to this. Just needed to talk to someone... anyone... need to know I'm not crazy

[Frantic1]

Hi Ghost,

nope definitely not crazy. We are all in this together.

Frantic1

[Bethie]

Hi Ghost

My partner suffers PTSD anxiety and depression from his time in the military.

Dispite it being over 20 years since what happened it started up again only 6 months ago. He's now on new meds and doing alot better.

My own PTSD is for me very common in my area as it stems from the 2011 floods in Brisbane. Most of my street has it to some degree which helps. We all support and look after each other when we get flash flooding or heavy rain.

Please keep posting. Your not alone in any of this😊

[Ghost_76]

Thanks Everyone... You're all very kind.

This is really weird for me sharing these feelings with all of you. I usually put on my "happy" mask and pretend that everything is going well. It's a bit harder at the moment...

Can I ask you a question? What do you do when it feels like everything is just too much... when you feel like you're on the outside looking in on your family... I know they love me, but I feel that they deserve so much better. Birdy... you said that I should float for a while... I'm not sure how to do that.

My mind is such a mess. I feel like an animal trapped in a cage. I spoke to a friend yesterday, but I don't know what exactly to tell them. How do i explain my inner demons...

You are all pretty amazing. Thanks for listening...

[Bethie]

Hi Ghost

When I feel like everything gets way to much for me I normally find myself at the local swimming pool dispite having a pool at home. They have different areas. 1 with big old gumtrees and a bushlike feel, another that's Bali style with huts fountains and windchimes and well there' 5 all up from kids areas to family bbq areas.

Its my down time. I can close my eyes and just drift

[Ghost_76]

Thanks Bethie...

[Birdy77]

Hey Ghost,

When i feel like everything gets too much, i withdraw, but that's not the best thing to do. I try to do healthy things like:

• Get into a healthy routine
• Do tai chi, meditation
• Exercise
• Practice mindfulness

But to be honest, usually when things get rough lately i have just brought everything down to the minimum of what needs doing, and no more.

You asked how to float, rather than sink or keep kicking/swimming. I think it's probably different for everyone, but the way i think about it is:

• Can you try to relax
• Can you accept that you're going through a period of angst, and go with that
• Can you accept that you are flawed and have compassion for yourself
• Can you give yourself the time and space to try and get through this without beating yourself up endlessly about it
• Can you gift yourself someone professional to talk to to try to ease this burden

To me, these are things that will help you to float through, rather than fight through, a rough patch.

Another member here just yesterday mentioned that depression and anxiety (etc) are so often things that can't be outrun, but more that we have to learn to deal with the ebb and flow of them ... pertinent to what you said about "i should be on top of this". It's not a case of that, you just need to go with it, as it comes and goes i think.

Sorry, i think this post wont be very helpful, i feel a bit all over the place, but I'm going to send it anyway, i really want you to know you're not alone and let's work through this together, all of us ❤❤❤ sorry for the ramble ...

🌻 birdy

[Ghost_76]

Not a ramble at all. Thank you so much... I really struggle to be positive at this stage... You're so fantastic... I wish I had it so together. Thanks

[Mathy]

Hi Ghost 76,

I have come late to your thread. I live with PTSD, Anxiety and Depressions.

A couple of posts back, you said something like “I thought it was done and dusted, sorted out” (not word for word).

I really understand your feelings about this, because I thought I was in charge, and recently, I haven’t been sadly disabused of any idea I was in charge of anything - sigh!

I don’t think I’m talking rubbish when I say that popular media implies that one can be depressed/anxious or whatever, and a few visits to a professional and some medication will have it all fixed.

I believe this is a fallacy,, not based on reality.

Birdy77 has some great suggestions for a plan - very worth looking at and choosing WHAT works for you.

I actually had a conversation tonight with the partner of a friend, who happens to be a very experienced psychologist - his thoughts?

There’s no one size that fits all. Sadly our system doesn’t allow people to experiment with the many forms of therapy that might help.

I also had a fascinating conversation with e Yoga teacher, who’s being doing a lot of work with people in the area of bodywork and mindfulness - something that I find interesting.

Dear Ghost 76, you made a great decision in joining the BB Forums - there’s a wealth of information and support available here. That support can give you new ideas on feeling more positive. I certainly hope that we hear more from you, bestest, cheers M 🙂

[geoff]

hi Ghost, unfortunately PSD and major depression can never be dusted, once you have had it then it's there forever, however this doesn't mean that somebody can get on with their life and this includes you as well, but we have to learn what our trigger points are that can cause us to once again fall back into this illness.
Please take a step back for the moment, don't be angry with yourself, because if you are then you are struggling with too much on your plate, try the exercises that have been suggested, or you may find yourself relaxing in other ways, I used to love painting our outside window frames to relax me, or take my mind away from being depressed.
Remember that you can't all of a sudden be happy, however if people come to visit you, have lunch, a few drinks then you can laugh, but as soon as they go, back you may fall.
Just try and explain to your friend that you've been going through a patch that has affected me as well as your family, you're not sure how they will react, they may decide to listen and then go away, not to be seen again, but a true friend will stick by you all the way through, in other words they will be there everytime you need them.
They can talk to your family, suggest to them to seek help as well, which is not what my family did, and I also put them through hell, but now everything is great, just take your time, you can't rush through any depression, it's like being able to walk up steps, you gain 2 steps but then you may fall down 1 step, but that's a lesson that you have learned. Geoff.

[Jasmiin]

I'm new to this too. What's wrong? I'm here for you