I'm not managing so well anymore

[Wednesday]

I am finding it harder and harder. I’m told I’m positive and resilient and maybe I have been. I’ve managed with the help of AD’s to get through. Now I am so ill I can hardly get out of bed. I spend too much time in hospitals and around doctors. Yesterday I saw a public hospital doctor that seemed to take delight in making me feel like a nuisance. He smiled and made smart jokes with his junior doctor at my expense. He didn’t listen he was so horrible and rude. Too many health issues, too many medications and too many doctors.

I have such a little quality of life. While not suicidal now, I am incredibly sad and can’t see a way out of this. The medications I take for auto immune disease have destroyed and made unrecoverable my immune system. I knew this when I agreed to take them, but I didn’t realise that it would mean I would always have some sort of infection, like last week’s pneumonia. Of course antibiotics are no longer useful and I can’t develop any new immunity. A trip to a coffee shop can send me back to hospital.

My friends and children are lovely but dispersed and not close by. I don’t say a lot because well it’s bloody boring and I’m sure it is more than they all need to know about. There is nothing anyone can do. They try with their suggestions of a new exercise or superfood, this dosen't help. They don't listen, it's too complicated so I don't bother explaining. I get comments like oh yes xx had pneumonia and they are really well now. that's great for xx. Or if you follow this exercise routine your blah will get better. If only I could get to the gym I would be there twice a week. Or take magnesium etc, yep I know all this. I know they are flailing around and trying to help but it feels like they are out of their depth and just saying things that aren't helpful. I don't stop them or try to explain anymore. Over the phone they can't see me so its easy.

My partner is away and to self involved when he is here to understand what I am going through.

I’ve been so independent all of my life from when I was a child. I don’t know how to manage this, how do I get a life? I’ve tried joining classes but I end up getting ill and not being able to attend. Maybe this really is as good as it gets and all the doctors and medicines in the world are not going to make me well.

I guess that is the outcome that I need to come to terms with. I've always believed in quality over quantity.

I’m sorry, I just needed to get this out.

[Lost_Girl]

Dear Ava and your lovely supporters,

Wishing you a joyous day with your daughter and family. I hope that your pain is less today and that you find some inner peace.

My Christmas wish for you is for improved health and for your family to realise how truly special you are and to treat you accordingly.

You are an inspiration. You are so thoughtful and helpful to others.

Bless your kind soul

Much love,

Carol xx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Merry Christmas to Ava and all,

Not much more to say, just hope it's a good one. Hugs.

Blue.

[Lost_Girl]

Dear Ava,

Happy New Year lovely.

I hope the new year brings you new hope, new ways forward and some relief from the pain and discomfort.

I hope for you to find distractions that help bring peace, for relationships in your family to be easier and some peace in your heart.

Here is a gentle hug dear friend.

Love Carol xx

[Croix]

Dear Wednesday~

My I add my good wishes to you and the others in this tread for the New Year

Croix

[Guest_9809]

Dear Ava,

I too have been thinking of you over this holiday period. I hope the time spent with your family over Christmas was enjoyable for you. I am not sure how long you intended being away from home, but I think its likely you are back home again by now.

Did you manage to see in the New Year by watching the midnight fireworks yesterday? Quite spectacular, as usual.

I add my own best wishes for you Ava, to those of Carol and Croix's above. So from Tammie and myself, to you and your little dog Happy - take care, live well, and be happy.

Lotsa luv

Taurus xx

[Wednesday]

Hello my very dear and beautiful friends,

Than you so much for your kind words. I've been home for a while. Just struggling trying to get my mental and physical issues under control. Baby steps as we say!

Wishing you all love, light and happiness always.

lots of love, xx

[Croix]

Dear Wednesday

I was listening lat night to Miles Davis' 1959 album - Kind of Blue

Is that to your taste, or do you have another favorite style/artist?

My best

Croix

[Wednesday]

Hello Croix,

I listen to different types of music it all depend on the occasion. Blue has introduced me to some fun new music, bless her cotton socks.

So how are you going Croix? I can't seem to find your thread, maybe I haven't looked hard enough?

I'm in my normal state of frustration, do you happen to have a crystal ball handy?

You asked me once about happy story. I recently had a lovely time playing cars and trains with my grandson with the odd song thrown in, 'down by the station early in the morning' etc. I also gave due reverence to any of his friends around and also to the green for go and red for stop lights, that I couldn't see. Obviously it's time for a trip to the optometrist for me. Luckily he was able to make sure that he kept the small rainbow coloured reptile sitting on his shoulder safe from clumsy grandma hands. He also kindly explained when the light was green or red so that my car could stop or zoom along. I happily read so very many stories with him cuddled up next to me. His please grandma.. had me at the p, non of this was any hardship. Now home again I have very nearly untangled myself from his little finger!

xx

[Croix]

Dear Wednesday~

What a delightful scene, playing trains with your grandson. Although I have no idea what he kept the small rainbow coloured reptile sitting on his shoulder means it sounds fun! I have a great time with my 6 year old grandson too, though his interests seem to have been currently snared by computer games and 'nerf' guns - which for the uninitiated are the pop guns of my era throwing foam rubber sticks rather than corks. He takes great delight in foxing his Grandpop.

My Crystal ball is in the shop for major repair - "You just can't get the parts you know, of course in the old days ...".

When it returns I'll certainly lend it to you provided Mrs Dools lends me her magic wand - which is currently under construction.

Because I tend to fly all over the place I've just made a thread in the Social are called Croix Parler where random jottings go.

I am part of Just Sara's threads:

Getting to know you...or is that me? and

What does 'Putting Me First' mean to you in relationships or situations? (Any kind)

No neat packaged history of Croix I'm afraid, just bits scatted everywhere. I sat for around 2 years before posting and thus did not start a thread of my own in the normal manner.

Anyway my best wishes, and thank you for returning my post, I've enjoyed it.

Croix

[Wednesday]

Hello again,

The reptile is just one of his invisible friends, he is now three and has always had an amazing imagination. He is very social and yet self contained. I have no idea what it means to have imaginary friends but it doesn't seem to bring him any ill.

I am sorry that you 'sat around' for such a long time before joining our band of friends. Can I suggest that you start your own thread, that way we can easily find and support you? Only of course if you think it useful.

I read that you were in the police force, a tricky job that one. In one of my roles I worked with a former chief of the Vic police force. It was good to for me see that despite their previous role they too were human with frailties, but I must quickly add an amazing strength and admirable way of managing staff. My earlier dealings with the police had left me cautious.

Take good care of you. xx