I’m back and I need support

[Chicken_Wings]

I haven’t posted in a long time. I haven’t exactly been “well” the whole time, but I’ve been pretty good. It seems though that I’m starting to experience another low.

There are a number of things which seem to have lead to the feelings I’m having right now.

My mum has been diagnosed with cancer and it’s terminal.

I’ve just had another birthday, the older I get the less I look forward to them as they remind me of what I haven’t done.

Just came back from a trip to see mum (who used to be my go-to support person) and I can see she’s gotten worse. I don’t feel it’s fair any more to ask her to be my shoulder when I need one as she has enough on her plate.

Ive noticed that she is beginning to use me as her emotional support which means I put effort into appearing positive for her.

My boyfriend is not very helpful with my anxiety and depression as he also has anxiety and deals with it completely differently.

I feel like these things have built up on me a bit and now I’m feeling tense and anxious. I’m scared and sad and feeling isolated.

My fear is manifesting itself into pyhsical symptoms now. I’m not eating that well and I feel like my brain isn’t as quick as it has been, like I can’t keep up.

I kind of just need to tell someone these things and hopefully hear that it’s ok to feel this way. That this is temporary and that with effort I can feel like myself again.

[Ggrand]

Hello CW..

Thank you CW..I'm not to bad today, yay.. I enjoy reading your posts CW, they show your positivity a lot no that's inspirational for those reading your thread..

CW..Do you have a bathtub 🛀, if you have one...I have one and when I'm sore muscles, I will have a hot bubble bath, with scented candles, and some music. if no bath a hot shower with the water just cascading down your head and body, relaxes the muscles....I spoil myself sometimes..

I saw your support posts to some newbies, well done. I'm so very proud of you doing that..and your posts were really good..

Looking forward to hearing back from you..but only when you want to..

Warm and gentle but squishy hugs 🤗🤗🤗..

Grandy

[Chicken_Wings]

I’m going to stretch a little and have a warm shower. That will be relaxing I think.

I’ve got some essential oils going, it smells lovely.

[Ggrand]

That's sounds like a beautiful plan CW.. I had a bubble bath with scented candles lighting a dark room tonight..Last night I had a hot shower with my candles burning..just makes a shower/bath so much more peaceful and mindful..

Warm hugs,

Grandy 🤗🌹

[Chloe_M]

Hi CW,

How is today treating you?

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Chloe,

Its ok. Not the worst day, but there’s definitely room for improvement. I’m getting stuck thinking about health issues (that I probably don’t have).

I was very tense when I woke up this morning, but I felt a little bit better over the day. It gets to about 2:30 and I really just want to go home. But I don’t.

I need to do some more things to help me relax. I’m going to try and do some mindfulness tonight.

I would love a good hug more than anything though.

Hope today is treating you well.

[Ggrand]

Dearest CW,,

I know these are not the same as a real hug in real life..

But close your eyes CW..Feel my arms giving you a gentle caring warm. 🤗 hug..

You do well CW, you have some good insight into you anxiety..and are able to manage it very good at times..

I do mindfulness with my washing the dishes...I love to feel the bubbles tickle my shin, the warm water relaxing me, then I clean everything one at a time, making sure the item squeaks before I drain it....lol silly I know but it works for me...

Take care of you CW, be kind to you,

Grandy...

ps...just in case 🤗🤗🤗🤗🌹💜 more hugs..

[Chicken_Wings]

If im honest I had a rubbish weekend. I went out and helped a friend on Saturday morning and then it was all downhill from there.

I spent a lot of time crying. I’m sick of crying. I spent a lot of time in bed. I’m sick of feeling this way. I just want to feel good again. I want to feel confident and sure. But I don’t, I feel broken and lonely.

I have a really really important meeting at work today and I don’t know how I’m going to get through it.

I have a psychologist appointment tomorrow and I just don’t know what to say any more. This isn’t going away, I’m not getting better.

Im so sick of it.

[Ggrand]

Hello CW..

I am really very sorry that your struggling so much with depression and your feeling of sadness.

I can feel so much and pain in your words. Your stronger then you think CW..Depression pulls us down, keeps us sad..we need to try hard as it is to change our mindset..

CW, You beat this before, you can do it again. When a negative thought comes, accept it, acknowledge it, say good by to it, and try to think on positives.. Please darl, please remember this is a phase your going through, you've been through similar before, you got on top before, I know you can again...Please don't give up..

Breath, CW before your meeting take some deep breaths..in....out...when your breathing out say the word relax as you exhale....I believe in you CW..I'm holding your hand at your meeting. your not alone..

Maybe write your feelings, fears, and what's happened on the weekend, down on some paper and take them with you to your psych appointment, it may give you a way to start to let her know, how your not doing to good..

My thoughts are with you today..Big hugs 🤗.

Kind thoughts,

Grandy..

[Chloe_M]

Hi CW,

Did crying make you feel refreshed? I'm guessing not though.

I am broken and lonely too CW... But im here for you xx

The psychologist is here to help you... give it a shot tomorrow i hope all goes well.

Sending love and hugs and strength and willpower... today i think i have enough to spare

xox Chloe

[Chicken_Wings]

Hi Grandy and Chloe,

Thank you for your messages. It helped to read them.

I went to my meeting and I actually did really well. I don’t think anyone would have picked me as someone with anxiety/depression.

I was pleased with myself.

Didnt take long to feel anxious again though. I think I need to do some mindfulness tonight.

I’m starting to look forward to my appointment tomorrow. It’s nice to talk to someone and not feel like my mood is a burden.

Chloe - crying feels kinda good at the time, but eventually I just want it to stop.