Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

CMF · ‎20-02-2017

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

randomxx · ‎29-10-2023

How you doin cm u ok , wouldn't have gotten back together by any chance ?

Anyway , be nice to hear how your doing if you drop in.

Unfortunately in my case it's looked like we might get back this last mth or so but now sadly it isn't going to happen. l'm gonna start a thread in relationships just to talk about it and get it out.

Take care.

rx

quirkywords · ‎30-10-2023

Yes rx I am thinking and wondering how CMF is going?

I will look for the thread . Sounds like a good idea.

randomxx · ‎31-10-2023

Hi again quirk,just finally worked out how to talk about it all which l really needed, so l started a thread. It's called relationship break up, 5yrs- it's in the relationship forum.

And you too cm if you drop back of course, mind you , we're worried about ya so even if you jus drop in here would be good.

rx

CMF · ‎01-11-2023

Hi,

I'm ok. Not back to but have been texting & have caught up. No one knows. We don't want any pressure. We agreed things got 'heavy' & boring. We forgot to have fun which is what we're trying to do now. It's just me & him. He got a great job offer yesterday, & messaged me straight away. He then called, wanted my opinion. I'm being cautious. I told him he's lost my trust a bit but I know how much he feels for me & vice versa. We just felt so tied down, no spontaneity. It feels lighter now but I've told him if he wants to go out or meet others I have to know & I'm out. He said it's not what he wants to do. We're enjoying each other's company at the moment. We're happy with this. No one else involved.

quirkywords · ‎01-11-2023

CMF thanks for the up to date. I am glad you are both on same page and are having fun and enjoying each other’s company.

CMF · ‎02-11-2023

Thanks he's been bit quiet last few days which makes me anxious. It was full on before that. I know he's been working & exhausted. I also know me texting distracts him lol. Still, makes me nervous cos of trust. Last Sunday couldn't stop smiling & hugging me. Was really nice. Last few days been strange but he did tell me about thr8job offer straight away & asked if he could call. Guess I'm overthinking. I was not well couple of days ago too.

randomxx · ‎03-11-2023

Hey cm .

Well think your taking the right approach anyway for now and no expectations . l'd suppose with the new job and stuff he'll be a bit mentally anxious atm now too, distracted.

CMF · ‎03-11-2023

Hey rx,

I did mention it. He said he's been busy with work & my texts distract him lol. He comes to my place only cos of course sis had a camera doorbell installed when she moved in so if I go there she'll know. Wonder if he's regretting that? She knows his every move 😏. I told him to block it & sneak me in haha. He has no privacy in hos own home.

quirkywords · ‎03-11-2023

Seems weird to have no say in one’s own house, did she ask first.?
Maybe she put it on for security if she is by herself she wants to know who is at the door.
quite curious.

CMF · ‎03-11-2023

I'm sure she asked and he agreed. I think she got it cos she buys alot online & has it delivered although I think it goes to their mum's now. Pluscshe loves gadgets. Anyway regardless she will know all his movements when he goes out, comes home who visits. I think those cameras are good if you live alone but no privacy for him. It even picks up someone walking down the driveway to the back. One day years ago I went over when M was home alone. She messaged him. I was very offended. It was none of her business...but of course she made it her business.