DEVASTATED

[Falling_Angel]

Hi i havent been on for a while but im at the end of my tether

im sick of ppl assuming things about my life and then actually making me believe they are honest and true& yet they lie straight to my face especially since i put all my trust in them and thats really hard for me and also,especially since its a obvious misunderstanding on the other persons behalf ????????????????

Im confused,angry ,upset and basically plain devaststed. Why why why ??I try soo hard to please those i care about just to have it slapped in my face... I honestly give up ....!!!!!!!!!!! i really dont think im getting the proper support i need atm and then to have someone close to me run me down and not remember anything ive done for them .. thinkng im just a taker (wow) anyway this person means the world to me and i dont know how to go about working out the problem especially if i feel the replies arent honest omg how did i allow myself to get shattered like this or let myself ....!!and all because of a miscontrude overheard conversation that had nothing to do with this person and also was taken the wrong way,without discussing it with me which would have made it all different omg

anyway guess im asking how do i stop the suicidal thoughts thats are currently and have been for a few days consuming my mind ? i now feel like a noone like ive been put in the same catergory this person sees nearly everyone ? it hurts and im just gob smacked

any suggestions if anyone reads this please?? HELP

[startingnew]

lol is that becasue you seen my other posts hmm

have you decided to stay on BB? That would be great

[Falling_Angel]

lol so you are 20 ? awesome yes ive seen some but cant recall i was supposed to hve my operation today i was in the theatre gown and all just waiting for the guys to come get me and it got cancelled last minute due to emergencies lol ohhh dear nevere mind.

yes im staying will see how i go. how are you today? FA

[startingnew]

sorry about your surgury, hopefully you get in soon FA

and yes im 20, very good guess.

im not doing well but ill just have to snap out of it

[Falling_Angel]

omg SN i hate that saying snap out of it . its just not that easy :(things need to be resolved we cant just snap out of it otherwise we all would wouldnt we?? i mean honestly who wants to feel like this ? hows your day today ? better i hope ill go and have a look at your thread and see , wishing you well FA

[startingnew]

Hi FA

Yes i hate that term too .

Im not doing so great everything is so overwhelming. Thinking about upcoming tests for a lump and a pap smear which is extremely triggering. Today is my nans birthday and its our first year shes not with us then tomorrow is the date of my sisters attack then a few days after is my nans date of death. So not handling it too well

[Falling_Angel]

unfortunately thats a lot of pain in one week ..... well you know im here if u want to chat lumps hmmmm well been there done that all i can say is goodluck and wishing you a good outcome as i know there isnt much more i know ppl can say dont worry and no point in worrying but um its a bit harder than just switching all your thoughts off , someppl will never understand anything unless it happens to them im sorry your sister rubs it into you about yoyr beloved horse ,have you asked her not to because it hurts you? just wondering . im off now to try to do a few things you take care and i look forward to your reply 😞 x

[startingnew]

Yeah and its scaring the crap out of me FA the lumps expanding 😞

And when i get back from holidays ive got to book in a pap smear but its a massive trigger to me from my past. And yes i def agree that its not just as easy as switching off thoughts.

And its not just a week its all the time fa it never stops 😞

[Falling_Angel]

HI SN

the lumps are expanding in such a short time ? that muct be scary ? how long until you have your tests?

do you have support ? a mental health worker or someone who can help u get thru the awkward pap smear etc ? i really hope you do ? how are you going now? its been a few days since ive been on ,today would have been my fathers 83rd birthday so sad day but im sad anyway, thinking of you -hugs-FA

[startingnew]

HI FA

sorry to hear about your dad it was my nans birthday on the 13th and its our first year without her and easter as well so it was a hard few days for me. today im just breathing through again

yes the lumps exanding in a short time, i go for tests next week as im going away on holidays on wednesday so ive arranged to go abck to my gp on the following week and organising another appointment to speak to the nurse about the pap smears as i have a heap os questions and its already going to tkae awahile to do the actual exam cause im already freaking.

i have a psychologist to speak to on tuesday through my suicide prevention program before i go away on holidays.

hugs back to you to FA how are you travelling? has your friendship issues eased abit?

[Falling_Angel]

hi SN yes i read that youd be feeling the same as me ive lost both my parents and other memebers over last 20 years its terrible i no longer like to attend anyones funerals

thinking of you i know its not easy 😞

so you have got yourself workd up over tests thats understandable and especially evasive tests i will tell you later what happened to me , the nieghbour is quiet except still mouthing off about me on BB im not happy when i read this ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,(,We only walked a little way in then came home. I'm worried about Maggie, she's lost a lot of weight since we came here and eats twice as much. Her harness is very loose. I think she might have caught flees and worms from my neighbours cat. She didn't seem to bother about that, the neighbour that is. I have flee stuff and worm stuff.}

that annoyed me as she knew my cat has been wormed and treated for fleas but new cats in nieghbourhood its easier for cats to get them back even if its only for a moment because the flea stuff kicks in and they jump off but my cat only visited there twice with me he follows me and she has the cheek to say that ??????

oh well im still annoyed and hurting of course but not much i can do when she chose it this way . anyway thinking of you and your tests coming up please let me know how you go if u feel up to it and take care goodnight -hugs- FA