Challenging unhelpful thoughts

[Doolhof]

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

[The_Abyss]

Thinking of you tonight Mrs D.

(((hugs)))

[Doolhof]

Hello dear precious friends,

Thanks for all the encouragement. Yes Shell, I sometimes feel like going and getting another pack of biscuits and putting them next to me. Like you mentioned in a different post, they are loaded with sugar! Fruit is a much healthier choice. At least when I do eat fruit, he doesn't take it away from me. Ha. Ha.

I made it to the meeting, but my eyes were leaking tears so I left as soon as it finished. I wasn't able to stay for the social bit.

The sun is shining and it is glorious outside. I will attend the craft group then spend some time in the sun this afternoon if it is still hanging around.

Thanks for all the positivity and encouragement!

I will let you know more about the Happiness Trap book as I progress with it.

Time to get a few things done before I head off to the craft group. Wishing you all a peaceful day.

Cheers, hugs from Mrs. D.

[Quercus]

Hi Mrs D,

How has your day been so far? Hoping your back feels a bit better today and maybe you can escape to your garden.

What is your favourite plant in there? I put down some sturt desert peas seeds expecting them to fail and amazingly enough I've got one growing like mad and with red flowers at the wrong time of year! So beautiful!

I read about your craft group and was curious to know what you were making? Do you give the things you make away as gifts or sell them to fundraise?

Just thinking of you and hoping you can find a few moments in your day that are peaceful. I have to admit I read Shelley Anne's post about the tim tams and wished I could drop in with a packet and watch you enjoy every last one 😊

[Doolhof]

Hi Quercus,

Thanks. I am actually trying to not eat chocolate and too much other "sometimes" food while my husband is away. It may take a huge effort but I am hoping I might be able to reduce my intake at least. We live 20 kilometres from the nearest shop so I will try to avoid the stores when I am in town.

Thanks for the virtual pack of Tim Tams. They are probably the best sort! Ha. Ha.

We only had a small craft group today, only 5 of us. There was lovely conversation, laughter and craft idea sharing. I am currently making a "Patchwork" crochet blanket. I usually give my things away. I am thinking of finding things to make which I may be able to sell in a store in a town a half hour drive away.

I will need to check their rules and procedures. I keep meaning to do it then chicken out going in to ask!

I'm not sure I have a favourite plant in the garden. So many of them are at their best different times of the year. For some reason the gum trees help me feel relaxed. It may be because as a child I ran free a lot at the local creek which had hundreds of gumtrees up and down the banks.

There is something about them. To me they help me feel connected to the ground they are growing in. They appear majestic, dignified and noble, like they have been there for ever and provide me with a sense of peace and tranquillity.

In contrast the sound of the wind blowing through the shea oak is haunting to me and I don't like that very much at all. They spooked me as a child.

I did spend some time in the garden reading The Happiness Trap Book listening to the birds and smelling the wattle.

Cheers to you from MRs. D.

[The_Abyss]

Hi Mrs D

How are you coping with hubby being away?

I have a row of flowering gums out front. They flower for such a short time, but their beauty is spectacular when they are in full bloom. My garden is my stress release, although has caused me many a tear, especially when my husband decides to "help" me in my absence!!!

I painstaking laid a 20 m rock wall when we first moved in. Not only was it great for fitness, but it also meant I got to meet all the neighbours as they dropped in each day to check my progress. I hope your garden also brings you good memories and great comfort, despite the she-oak!

I wish you sunshine and flowers......and the opportunity to share your virtual Tim Tams!

TA

[Doolhof]

Hi TA and All,

Right now I am feeling happily exhausted and my back is cactus so I will catch up with you all some other time.

Tomorrow is going to be work for three hours, lunch with a friend an hour's drive away, home briefly then out to a friend's for dinner and off with them to bowls!

Saturday morning I will be volunteering for a couple of hours then I think I will sleep Saturday afternoon! Not sure yet what I will be doing Sunday.

Next week will be a bit quieter than this week. My jolly back certainly needs a rest!

Cheers all from Mrs. D.

[Quercus]

Hi Mrs D 😊

Virtual tim tams are the best. All the flavour I remember without the calories!

I like how you described the gum trees. You're right there is something very peaceful about being around trees. That's why I love oaks... There's something about sitting under a tree which is older than any person with a massive canopy. I feel like I'm being shielded from the world when I'm sitting under an oak tree 😊

I like the idea of a patchwork blanket. What colours are you using? There is a website called design seeds where they put together colour themes from photos from nature. I like to look at it to get ideas for when I finally finally get to build my own home. Maybe you could get some inspiration there.

Selling craft sounds like a great idea. Does your nearest town run a market? We have a farmer's market where you can have a stall and sell whatever you want. I was thinking of selling some plants one day (but I'm like you I just never get around to doing it 😊).

Hope your back isn't giving you too much grief! Does a heat pack help at all?

[Doolhof]

Hi Quercus,

This last week I seem to have been very busy catching up with people, appointments and running errands, not much time for craft! I'm hoping this week will provide more time for crafting.

My back is rather bothersome at present. I am awake often during the night with pain in the back, one leg or the other, in the shoulders, neck and had a couple of migraines last week as well. Not much fun really. Think I need a good bungy jump to stretch everything out again! Ha. Ha.

I will have a look at the Design Seeds and see what is there. I have a selection of fabrics I bought years ago so will see what I have there to use.

I've been trying to read a couple of books my psychologist recommended as well. I see her again next week so I need to keep on reading and make more notes on what is beneficial to me.

Hope you are doing okay.

Cheers for now from Dools

[Quercus]

Hi Mrs D,

How have you been? Did you have a busy weekend?

Hopefully you have time for some craft today. Are you still working on your blanket?

Not a great deal of useful news my way unfortunately. I'm looking forward to psychotherapy on Wednesday I've managed to confuse myself again 😊.

How are you finding the books the psych recommended? Are they helpful to you?

Anyway just wanted to drop by and say hello.

[Doolhof]

HI Quercus,

Hope your appointment goes well and you find some clarity.

I have been reading those books, silly thing is, as soon as I put them down I have forgotten everything I have read. I make notes, then have to go back and read the notes to remind myself what I have written.

When I write up stuff to hand to the psychologist, I read it before I leave the car and walk to her office, by the time I am there I have forgotten it. She will question me about something I have written and I have no idea what she is talking about.

I keep telling my husband, as long as I can find my way home at the end of the day, that is all that matters. Ha. Ha.

At the moment I am working on two crocheted blankets and am trying to finish off a quilt I started years ago out of scrap fabrics of many colours and designs. There isn't much left to do on so will finish that today.

Hope you are doing okay.

Cheers from Mrs. D.