Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello DearDeebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, mmMeKitty, Paws and everyone….🤗..

Thank you for your caring posts, My shoulders/arms have improved greatly, I can do almost everything that I could before I hurt them, except, put my arms behind my back to…um dress myself properly, you know buttons, hooks etc…or tie up my apron for work, hanging out the washing still hurts…so I’m still mostly using my dryer….I see my Orthopaedic Surgeon on the 7/6 for more mri scans and making an appointment for my second lot of cortisone injections…

I didn’t really have any time off, went to work on the Saturday after injections because the Dr told me to do everything I did before my injury….so the steroid works itself into places it needed to get to….I did take it easier though……It’s been 2 weeks since the injections and the cortisone has hit its peak as to how much it can help me with this first lot….I am so grateful for all the relief it’s given me….I’m sleeping regular hours..um, mostly…. except tonight a nightmare, shook me enough to cause a panic attack…. I needed to get up and have a cuppa tea and some TV time….to calm myself down….I think I’m about ready to go back to bed soon…

Deebi….Thank you for your little scenario of that peaceful water…I just re-read it again…I do so much love, sitting with my feet in water..it’s relaxing isn’t it?…Yellow is such a pretty colour…the colour of sunshine…I’ll pop my flower 🌼..into the vase and take it home with me..Deebi, I do feel slack about not posting on your thread…I do love and care for you💙💕🦋🌹🍀🤗…more then you’ll ever know…I’ll pop in for a visit today..I do have a little gift for you, so I’ll hand deliver it today on my 🏍….

My friend Betty, who lives down the road from me and works with me…her son and dil, surprised us today and called into Vinnies just before closing and took us both out for an early Mother’s Day lunch…I don’t eat out at all, because of people around me, making me feel like running away…..they managed to get a nice little booth that was away from others and had a beautiful scenery from out the window…We really did have a nice time, with yummy food..

I think I better try to go back to sleep now or I’ll spend the rest of the day sleeping 😴😁..

Wishing everyone a beautiful day today…sending you all my hugs, care and love..🤗🌹❤️..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy

I'm glad you are so much more able to move & do things for yourself.

I know the problem of dressing & undressing when the flexibility in shoulders is limited. For a while I was careful about what I chose to wear, because of how difficult or even impossible it might be to either get the thing on or once on, to get it off again later. 

I think the advice from your doctor is very sound. Continuing to to the things you usually do will get the shoulders working better than if you let your arms hang loose & don't work the joints at all. It was my own frustration that had me compromising on what clothes I wore. I really didn't want anyone to have to help me dress & undress.

That was really lovely of Betty, her son & dil to take you out for lunch. I'm glad you found a way to enjoy the lunch without despite how you feel in the crowd. Did it help to have them with you? Who was it who had come up with the idea to get a place in a quiet corner? I'm hoping it was yours, but it's okay if someone else came up with that idea, because it seems to have been enough to keep you from running out. Well done, you, for staying & being able to enjoy yourself & the company you were in.

Nightmares, that's another topic. For myself, I think I've only called a few dreams 'nightmares', because of how emotional they were, how much the emotions were still with me when I awoke. Whatever I might see & hear is like fiction or a messed-up version of past events, so I treat that as fiction. It's the emotions that are more important to me, now.

I think, it's possible the emotions I feel in my dreams might be pointing to emotional issues I have been neglecting, avoiding, not yet finished dealing with, stuff like that.

Having audiobooks playing overnight seems to stop me remembering nearly all my dreams. For me, that's rather annoying. But for you, you might prefer to not remember dreaming, especially the terrible ones.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hi there Mrs beautiful and to all the others too 🙂

What heart warming news hearing how much improvement you're having.
Isn't it heaven after surviving hell which you have thank god Grandy darlin. You really are a survivor. Darlin please be proud of yourself that's a mighty achievement. You kicked beasty in the ...ok I'll be a lady...for now
The 7th will come in no time for more positive steps towards better health in both ways which I"m hoping's a lot better now?
If you're able to drive now hun that'd be a huge plus too. Freedom & independence holds a lot of power. If not that'll be another yum to look forward to.

Agreed Kitty hi lovey that did sound like good advice re going back to work which would be a plus for the mh too

Ahh you poor thing waking to a nightmare then an anxiety attack. Double whammy. I had same not too long ago, terrible way to wake. Darl was it from a memory I'm wondering.
I don't have many but when I do if I"m in severe physical pain & yes Kitty the brains a very powerful tool and being all about survival it could well be unresolved issues surfacing.

Don't feel bad sweetyheart that's quite ok re my thread, I've still to reply to you & Kitty which I"m so appreciative of your posts. I'll get back & to update on progress. On saying that 😁 I do love our gifts but just when you're up to. Glad you liked your virtual escape. It is nice water on the feet I know you love that 💜 I often think of our virtual driftwood on the water. Bliss

Oh what a lovely day for youse at lunch. I'm glad Betty does seem as you've mentioned have some clues into your mh. I know you're an awesome friend to her and many darlin 💜 esp your 💏

Gotta rave about "The Summit" Ch 9 Sun/M/Tues. V.good & shows heaps of NZ'sspectacular scenery, ohw goose bumps. So proud of NZ. 14 Aussies doing a v.hard trek.
We'll do catch up for "Blow up" Ch 7 clashes with Summit creating amazing balloon designs. Looks great. Think you'd like both. Hope so

Huge love & thoughts always Grandy 🤗💫

[demonblaster]

Hi there Grandy ‌‌👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ‌‌:)

Here's a very gentle hug ‌‌ beautiful friend. Let me do the arm stuff hun if it's easier.

I dearly hope your pain is continuing to be more manageable at the least and that your mh's continuing to lift as a result. It's such hard yakka isn't it but as you've proven so often there are ways for us to get through. love your grit 

I'm guessing with hope the injection relief continues for a decent amount of time.
June 7's not far off now darl it must be a comfort knowing the injections in that area aren't painful. And by the sounds of it easing it more is a plus to look forward to.

I spoke before re an Mri's fantastic distraction. Calming scenery pictures we can watch while on our back. It starts with an outline of a picture it slowly fills sections like say an ink blot. On completion it reverses the process ending up the same.

Trees maybe a shack, hills land people sky etc. 
Can't think if colour or small amounts. Maybe shading.
I'd think they all in time will have them. 

Always thinking about you Grandy also how it's going at work lovey, hoping you're able to not be doing too much to aggravate it all I guess tricky cause that was assuming part/all of the cause.
 

When/if you're up to it our Grandy how's the mh going?

So I've been a bit busy lately Grandz making bubbles. Deendy's going to kindly swallow them with strict instructions only to breathe out when she gets to yours. All sizes & surprises to lift the mood. Some have a batch of soothing rain in them. There's many types of flowers in others with your chosen colours. I like the luminous ones. Oh and that glitter one that stays in the air to save cleaning up. Of course we have sun in others to make it sparkle a treat. There's even a lovely warm fire in one, best not to pop that one. The one with a Caramel frappe is OH SO GOOD and of course there's an abundance with choccy treats in them 😮
See that really big one in the shape of a 💜 that's a keeper like you are precious. If you pop just the sparkles in it you'll see pictures of all the people here and in rl that genuinely love and care for you deeply.
If you're feeling down sweety just look and talk to your large circle of GOOD loving people that believe in you

Always love hun. Hey we got this...all of us!

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone…..🤗..

I’m so sorry that I haven’t posted here…..and want to thank you all for your posts, I had to ring the shop manager today because my right arm isn’t working again and I’m in a lot of pain once again…..so many tears knowing this is happening again…I felt it over the past week, a niggling of pain….Today it came so suddenly, woke up to my right arm unable to move it without that familiar burning intense pain….I don’t know why it effects my legs, but I can hardly walk, my right leg won’t bend without pain….my left leg feels so heavy…I am so upset that I am letting both Vinnies and our regular customers down….I think it’s time I just close the door on volunteering until I’m 100% healed…

I have applied and sent an application into Vinnies Conference Centre…and have been accepted to be a part of that side of Vinnies….it’s the side that does the Welfare of assessment and giving people in need food, clothes, blankets and accommodation to help them…Tomorrow, was going to be my first meeting with them…that’s not going to happen now….

I am so upset and sad that this is all happening again…forced to go through it again…It’s hard, so dam hard to stay positive….I have 8 days to get through until I see my Orthopaedic surgeon…then probably a month +, until I can get an appointment for more cortisone…counting down the days again😢…until I can get some relief…

Hugs everyone…
👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…

[Paw Prints]

Oh Grandy I'm so sorry to read your pain has come back in full throttle, I wonder if perhaps your GP might be able to give you a cortisone needle rather than you having to wait, it wouldn't hurt to ring them & ask. The time between needles is open to change as everyone reacts differently. 

Lass you are not letting anyone down, it isn't your choice that you are not able to go in, no one would or should expect you to. Please be kind to yourself as you would be to anyone else. 

I think the new job sounds like something you would be brilliant at, that is something to look forward too once you have had your ops & recovered.

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy, with big gentle hugzies

I'm so sorry you are having such pain again.

I wonder if you are able to phone the Orthopedic Surgeon & tell them your condition has changed & that you are in  pain & having difficulty moving again. I'm thinking it may be possible for them to see you again, earlier, move treatments forward?

Changing to another role, such as the one you mention, would have you still working, but not where you would be lifting, or doing any heavy moving of bags, etcetera. That, at least, would be very good for you.

All my best & warmest & gentlest of hugzies

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy 🤗 ‌‌and everyone 🙂

Ahh sweety what a terrible blow. I'm SO very sorry to hear you're back in so much pain again. 
One thing that might ease your mind but truthfully unsure is from the sounds this'll be a temporary nasty blow of a setback dammit! Although it's hard to see ahead for better when this is going on isn't it. My heart goes out to you sweety it really does.

A very good suggest from our dear Pawsy hi huns 🙂 that maybe the GP could give you a needle. 
Darlin if not how about contacting the Dr who gave your first ones that hopefully can bring it forward. They work on priority which you certainly are. 

Hey big congrats and very well done not only for applying for Vinnies welfare but being accepted is a boom. You go champ! SO proud of you.
Awe It would be very disappointing not to be able to be there today I know darlin that's a real shame but let's not close the door on that one hun, you've got enough mental anguish to deal with.
I'd hope they'd completely understand and could reschedule.

Lovey I know the anxiety would be biting really hard atm. As you so bravely did before please Grandy love take one day at a time 
It probs doesn't mean much now of course but you'll be looking back on this later. Hope as you know holds a lot of power to help us through.

One of many examples of your beautiful heart that you feel you're letting people down. I urge you to try hard to release that guilt darlin friend it adds to your stress and anxiety.
No-one with any sense of decency could blame you or feel resentment.
This is far from something that's in your control. You didn't choose to not be able to go.

Darl it doesn't sound as though they've given you any decent pain relief? 
Just wondering could hospital be an option too. They'd talk to your ortho and maybe be able to have the needles sooner OR if no decent pain relief happening they could sort you with something
Maybe an ambulance could take you in

You know I'm there in spirit with you dear friend. Here for you amongst your many caring lovelies.

Love you dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 our beautiful Angel 🕊

Oh SO relieved today, I couldn't reply to you yesterday. Could see the post but when I logged in couldn't get to it. Nearly went nuts trying. Today it worked YAY. Different day better results.

[Ggrand]

Hello Fear Paws, mmMeKitty, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone….🤗..

Thank you so much for your very caring posts, you’re all beautiful and caring friends and I really value you all so much….I look on you all as family..

It was after working Monday that the shoulders once again starting hurting badly, especially the right one and my legs….I’ve had a few days rest from work now, and the pain is slowly easing off….so when I work tomorrow… if the hard pain resurfaces tomorrow, then it will prove to me that work is causing all of this….and I’ll have no choice but to leave😢..I really do like working there…or maybe a couple of months on leave…Gee I really am finding this a difficult choice to make…staying at work, is helpful for my mental health but bad for my physical health….leaving work, will be good for my physical health but bad for my mental health….which do I choose?  

The area Manager has contacted me and told me not to empty or even help empty the blue bin…not to handle any bags of donations that come into the shop…to just work the till and keep the shop tidy….They even sent me a (OHS) course…Work Place Manual Handling course to do….I did that online yesterday….I think we all know how to manually handle things, but circumstances and wrong movements can cause physical injuries….if they had listened to me years ago and got a ramp for the blue bin…maybe things would be different for me today….still no ramp!..

I’m pleased I’ve been accepted onto the conference side of Vinnies and hope they will understand about me not turning up for my first meeting with them….I’m looking forward to being able to help those in need…

My Orthopaedic surgeon flys in from Sydney once every 2 months…I see him next week…my Dr. didn’t get back to me, when I left a message with reception that I was badly in need of pain relief…Thank goodness otc pain relief seems to be helping this time…The cortisone needles, needs to be done with mri scan to guide the Dr. to inject it into the right area..unfortunately my Dr cannot do that….I just need to zone into the survival part of my brain, so I can get through this again…This time my mindset is better then before, because I know that this can be fixed one way or another…as much as I dread surgery I am also welcoming it…

I am so pleased that I have no front neighbours and my front veranda is fairly private…because I cannot comb my hair again and it takes me such a long and painful time to get dressed, I’m sitting out front with my pyjamas on, and hair that looks like a birds nest 😂..and it’s 12.55pm🙃…

Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩…always with you in spirit as well…once joined by the golden chain..our bbff friendship..can never be broken…much love my bbff💙🦋👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗🤗.

I hope everyone has a beautiful day today…

My love, care and hugs everyone…❤️🦋🤗..not just words written on this page…These words are from my heart…you’re all awesome and beautiful friends…

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[quirkywords]

Grandy
Sorry you are in pain again. I didn’t know there was a conference section of V, but thst sounds something that will suit you,