Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[ecomama]

Hi Grandy, your strength and perseverance are amazing! 

So nice of you to go to work through all your pain, ewww. 

Great idea for the weeds. I don't have much of any green except for Native Violets growing in my soil now... the chickens gobble everything they can, happy days lol! 

I hope you don't mind me sharing some techniques I have for "waiting rooms" (and dealing with PTSD).
I'm sharing them in the hope they can help. Ditch them all if they're not helpful! 
~ I check in and let them know I'm taking a walk outside nearby. Then ask them to phone me when I'm up next. 
Even if I'm in their garden or car park or my car I may need this "comfort" OUTSIDE of the waiting room sometimes. 
~ I have a "Waiting Bag" full of things to do like knitting, crochet, sometimes stitching felted gnomes lol. Sometimes an old Gardening Magazine I wanted to read or re-read. 
~ I listen to a podcast on my phone of a fun topic, with my earbuds in. People like to download these at home using their wifi so they're not using their Data while they're out. A funny, yet informative podcast is "No such thing as a fish" by the QI Elves. Awesome. 

Bestest wishes Grandy darling lady, 
LOVE EMxxxx

[demonblaster]

Hey there lovely one 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone 👋

Darlin I was intending to land here before this. Tried today. SO so needing to hit the hay very soon but had to catch up with my bbff first ☺

I'm caught up now. It's still all higgelty pigelty on this device but they'll get it sorted in time

So good you're starting to mend wow you really copped it Grandz. You would have been so sore you poor love, I guess no picnic now either.

Yes they say movement with bad backs & arthritis too is needed. So true you just want to lick the wounds in bed snug think Hannah hi darl said same

Grandy forgive me lovey whats the go with your kidney? I might remember when I hear or the memories pretty bad news in these times. 

Oh was saying re the cake to you sorry lovey I liked the idea of cup cakes or similar but that one scooted into some place far far away from my memory too.

Was good of you to go to work. Sounds like overall it was a good move and I like you being out too minus the ouching ...vewy vewy gentle 🤗 . You're a tough cookie mrs Grandy Floss. In a flash I'd be happily mind you probs slowly ripping those lawns up for you my girl. Don't weeds grow fast. We've been using hot water on the back patio but watching electricty and water use so just whats left over from the kettle.Love you liked them too 💗

Yes I think thats a good idea to ask Betty,  I hope she would if can. Difficult situation you poor love going through that. Wonder if you could email them explaining your anxiety that maybe they could accommodate somehow. I think if I remember that too is very hard for you. Wish you were here 😐 we could look after eachother and Mr 😍 is such a dear easy gentle man. 

Ok sweety must bed we're having a couple friends for lunch tomoz did a big batch of curry struth it takes ages but nice. Mr love helped the gorgeous. I freeze some of the batch which saves cooking some days. Yessim gotta be a good thing

Helping out besty as we do for eachother so is the other friend. I would've preferred when I was recovered fully but needs to be done tomoz. All good then another friend who's helping us out coming Monday if shes up to it. One day we'll get her for lunch too. Dont like taking and not doing something back.

Grandy love yAdimh that'll always be. PubAok dear besty 👩‍❤️‍👩🗯💜💫✨🌈

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hanna, Tess, mmMeKitty, Ecomama….🤗..

Thank you all for your caring posts…

Tess, I am so pleased you found me…Your a very special friend to me as well…These new forums had me in tears and doubting myself of my ability to lear them….I have a lot of faith and do believe that you will in time work them out..,.Please be very gentle with yourself while you’re learning how to navigate them….I still am learning them…

mmMeKitty….I agree that gentle movement does help us to heal a bit quicker….Where I work, I think sometimes the people donating items into the blue charity bin…must hire a crane to put them in their😁….some of those bags are incredibly heavy…

I could ask my friend, the problem I have with that is, that she will tell everyone at work that I am afraid to go on my own….like she did the last time…Betty* means no harm, but has a habit of wanting to let everyone know about everything she does…especially when she helps other people… She has another car now…I am really happy for her..

Thank you Ecomama, for the great suggestions…I do have a few “grounding” boxes and bags I keep in my car…I have tried using them before, but my mind constantly on look out doesn’t keep quiet enough to be able to use them…

Hanna..I did enjoy listening to them…Wow you can play “All I have to do is dream”….isn’t that a beautiful song…I am so out of touch with this generation’s music….at home if I put on a CD, it’s always the 60-80’s music….I love the older bands and how clean the music sounds…

Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩….You have nothing to be forgiven for…A few years back now, I had a kidney scan and it showed up a cyst sitting in their….because of all the lower back pain I’ve been experiencing, my Dr. just wants to investigate the cyst a bit further…I have a Drs appointment tomorrow to have my 2nd booster…and to give me the results of my scan….but I still haven’t even been able to make an appointment yet….I think my Dr. just might make that phone call for me tomorrow…then make me an appointment with her a few days after to get those results….

Take good care of yourselves everyone…sending you all my care, live and hugs 🌹💜🤗.,

Bbff…so much sss love I have for you..puabok… 💭 24/7…with some SSS gentle hugs.💙🌹💭🦋🧸🤗…[👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩]..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🕊🌱🌿🌳..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy and everyone here,

I have only just logged on now, my computer has been down.  Grandy best of luck tomorrow with the appointments, I had my second booster last week, it made me a bit tired for a day, that's all, after that I was fine.  With hardly anyone here wearing masks I feel safer now I've had two boosters!

I understand your feelings about your friend talking in the store, then everyone knows your business.  What about what someone else here suggested, that you give the reception staff your mobile number and ask them to phone you when the patient before you goes in, and up until then you can wait outside in your car perhaps?  I have done things like that for people when I worked in reception, I don't think they would mind at all - just tell them your get claustrophobic and need to wait outside?  

My lovely music teacher figured out the chords for the Everly Bros song and it's a lovely one isn't it!  Do you like Dire Straits?  Mark Knopfler is a favourite of mine and my bother's.  I love Walk of Life, it's on utube.  I think the best music happened in the 60s, 70s and 80s - The Beatles, Elvis Presley, The Seekers, Peter Paul and Mary, Marianne Faithful, Joan Baez - have you listened to Marianne Faithful singing This Little Bird on Utube? It's so sad but so lovely.  Also, What Have They Done to the Rain?  That was about radionuclear fallout.. wonderful old protest songs... 

I am worried about the summer, all the heatwaves overseas and the fires in Europe and California.... it's so warm today.. I worry about it!  I hope the La Nina lasts for the summer, if we keep getting rain it will be cooler.

I am decluttering again and handed in six beautiful wine glass to the op shop, I don't need or use them - they sold the same day - I hope someone else enjoys them.

I have an old friend up north who had a birthday last Friday and I missed it - I found two lovely birthday cards today, both with cats on them (she loves cats) and they are quite funny (she has a good sense of humour) so I'll post them tomorrow.  I feel so bad I forgot her birthday until today, but we had a lovely long talk on the phone today.

Best wishes for tomorrow oxoxoxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, wave to all,

I will second Em's waiting room suggestion of checking in & asking them to phone you when you are up next as you will be waiting outside... I've done that before & have always found them very happy to do it... 

I hope your arm isn't too ouchy after your booster lass... I still need to make the appointment to get mine.

How are your strained muscles doing?... are they feeling any better?

Big 🧸 hugs 

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Hanna, Paws, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone….🤗..

I have been thinking and spoke to my Dr yesterday and have agreed that I will make the appointment for my kidneys and will wait in the care until I’m contacted by receptionist….thank you so much for your support and great suggestions…

I didn’t get my booster yesterday….Dr. and I talked about my high sugar levels, diet, exercise and setting me up with a physio exercise group….to get outside another day a week…and a new psychologist for anxiety…..Dr. told me this psychologist is for anxiety and will not ask about my past, like the Victims Counsellor did…(couldn’t go through reliving past trauma again)…I told her to give me time to think about if I want to do that….Today I am getting my booster shot…😂…another trip into town today 

Monday and Tuesday we were so busy, that poor Betty and I skipped lunch and still had customers in the shop well after closing time….I was exhausted both days as I’m sure Betty was…..Paws, I still have pain….which is now manageable 😁….with otc pain relief….

I get that to our support workers, we are just money in their pockets…just a job to them…they don’t realise how depended we are of them, and how hard it was to trust them to begin with…but honestly I think it’s wrong of them to just stop calling, my support worker leaves in at the end of August, Hmm since she told me that a couple of weeks again….she hasn’t even bothered to ring me and ask how I’m going…or even said goodbye or good luck for in the future…..It hurts, you know…after 2 years of seeing or hearing from her regularly each week..it’s a bit of a shock to be totally cut off and left alone…..How can people, especially mental health supports…just do that..just throw you away like a piece of rubbish?….or like you don’t exist anymore….I think that they force themselves to support people, pretend they care for them only for the money……Once you’re dropped from the organisation….you don’t existed in their mind anymore …Sad isn’t it.

Hope everyone’s day today is a good day…

Hugs, my love and care my beautiful friends..🤗❤️🦋..

Big heartfelt love 💕 bbff….with my care and big bear hugs..,🦋🧸🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌿🌳..🌜👭🌛  oh look I found some water Lillie’s…🪷🪷🪷🪷

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy and everyone

My laptop has finally completely died, so I only have my phone now and it's incredibly difficult to see the new forums by phone! I'm sure I am missing posts

Your store was very busy Grandy! At least you didn't have time to get bored I guess! 🙂

I hope your appointment and booster went OK. I think it's good your doctor is looking after your health. 

I understand it's hurting you that your MH supporter hasn't rung you. I think they only do a certificate 4 and are poorly paid, and I bet they're not always treated well by their employer. Plus it must be a difficult job at times, I'm sure not all people are as nice as you. Perhaps they just have to do the job to survive sometimes. I guess you are lucky if you get a really good support person. I do understand how you feel though. 

I had a phone call from a 94 year old friend, an old neighbour of mine, that her 96 year old husband died from a fall today. They had been married for 7 years. I feel so sorry for her and she is far away,so I can't visit her. 

I have been cooking chow mein for dinner, it's a wonderful winter meal, real comfort food!

Big hugs 💝🐕🐾💐🌻

[demonblaster]

Hiya dearest Grandy 🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone 🖐

Woo hoo the emojis worked this time. 

Hey my gorjy just want you to know I've read and up to date. Planning to be back soon to talk to my besty. It's true Grandz I imagine us at eachothers places. You really are never far from my thoughts. 

I'm liking what eco suggested hun it sounds like a safe good option waiting outside or as Hannah hi darl ☺ suggested in the car. 

It's getting late so soon off to bed precious friend. 

Know dear Grandz I'm never far away, well we are 😆 but you know what I mean eh. 

Sweety please look after yourself like you do for so many being gentle caring and the bestest besty out there 🤗

You're deeply loved my friend 💗🗯👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝✨💫

Uh oh the emojis started disappearing again...🤔...wonder if our resident 🐧 Croixy man had anything to do with that😆

Sleep really well Grandy. You're such a sweet lovely soul 😚

Nigh nite other lovely ones ☺🤗 hi Pawsy 🐾

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy, & waving wildly with my tail, to EM, Hanna, DB, Paws, Croix & everyone,😺

That really is a good idea, EM, to wait outside or in some other area , as Grandy did, away from the crowded & often noisy waiting room.

Wish I had thought of it earlier, but I only just remembered that I used to go outside the clinic where I went to see a previous Psychiatrist.  When seeing him there I was very anxious within the crowded waiting room & sitting very close to other people. 

The feelings aren't so bad now, & at my GP's clinic the chairs are seperated still. If necessary, I think I could ask the reception staff to fetch me from outside. There is a city council bench at the edge of the footpath. It wouldn't be difficult for them to keep an eye on me either.

All the best with those health-related matters. I'm sure you have our full support. 

You got me thinking about the relationships we have with mental health care workers, & relationships with support workers & carers too, whether for an hour per week or 24/7. One thing is clear to me: these are not usual relationships, not friendships like we normally think of them, too. The relationship I have with my PDr is an ongoing discussion we've had since I first began seeing him, & I still can't succinctly define what the relationship is.

Anyway, getting late, & 🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧s still gotta be tucked in for 💤💤💤💤💤💤.

& then me, too. 🙀

Warmly,

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hi sweety Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all lovelies here and reading 👋

Sweety no need for a reply just wanted to see you ...well virtually anyway 😢 

I really hope things are brighter for you dear lovely friend. I think so often about you that's absolute truth lovey. 

I can't find your last post but at least we can catch eachother here. Sigh it's hard when it's all in a pickle although there's been small improves but still not much easier but that'll get sorted as quick as they can I'm sure here.

Read somewhere think here you said you're getting around a bit easier well done my girl made me happy hearing that.

I'll get to mine sometime near future geez this has been a v.hard and long one but goods in between ouches. Pffttt though eh. Such hard yakka

Grandz we'll get there 🤝 I do believe we can and although in the hards it certainly doesnt feel like we will but we've both made some progress so that's what we can add to and if we didnt have it in us what it takes we wouldn't have had any changes. Our best tool is the ability to learn I reckon. This goes for others too 🕊

Grandy love if you get the 'life' channell on Tv there's a stack of house fixing renovations etc. Some beautiful places around. We haven't for ages watched it but are again lately it's good watching. You might also like better homes and gardens sweety. There's also travel type shows. Something non violent or yuk if you're interested ☺

My gorjy dearest friend. PubAok lovely one. My besty of besties love you so very much hun. 

This is a lovely warm hug beautiful Grandz 🤗☺ you're a really beautiful friend. 

I'm so worn out it's horrid isnt it.

Sleep well darlin with all your gorjy furs and heaps of lovely dreams of our fun companionship and beautiful friendship 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝🕊🎂🍨💗🌈. Geez I wish Grandy 😐

Nigh nite darlin/s 😴