Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hey dear Grandy 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 and all other lovelies here and reading 🙂 

It was so lovely hearing you having peace on the verandah, good plan enjoy it while you're feeling it. 

Yes no doubt a routine is good because as you've said it gives you a reason to get up and leave the house. Gotta be a good thing and being around people although hard it seems you're getting used to that again which is fantastic. 

You know you're always in my thoughts hun don't you. Day night and between constantly wondering how you're feeling and what's happening in your life. 

Sounds nice the weather that day you were on the verandah lovey, yes sometimes it can be hot but still ok can't it. Gets very humid here yuk. 

The butterfly sounded so lovely, they're such a graceful creature, I think of Starting New when I see them. 

Hope very much your poor sore bods ok now lovey, you work hard there from the sounds it's no wonder you feel achey and pain lugging those heavy bags around. 

Ok darlin/s hope todays been a gooden for you and everyone. 

Deep love sweet lady eternally 💏💜👀 btw Croixy thanks for mentioning about some emojis using a lot of characters. Hope you're well Mr 🙂 

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, wave to everyone,

I've been wondering how your little oak tree is going?.. I think I read somewhere you had some days that were about 40ish... I only had a few days in the high 30s & the wind alone was enough to have my pot plants dropping like flies... does where it is get any shade at this stage of it still being small?...

How lovely you were able to get a rocking chair... I'm a wee bit envious I must admit... I'm also curious as to what your furs think of it... I don't think Woofa would cope with moving furniture …🤣 

big hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deeebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, lovely Paws and everyone,

Thank you for your lovely posts….My little Oak Tree has completely dried up…I buried her a couple of weeks ago…😢, now it will become part of the earth…

I decided not to mention work here anymore, it is what it is and I can’t change anything their because I’m not taken seriously by management…..but I wanted to tell you, on Saturday when I arrived at work I saw the huge front window had been attacked by vandals…It was cracked all over, not sure what the threw at it or hit it with…Three other shop windows were vandalised Friday night….so sad people do these types of thing….I rang my boss and the police to put a report in for insurance…The window will be replaced tomorrow…

My routine is so bad..Saturday, Monday and Tuesday I’m up early for work…Go to work come home and just sit around till I go to bed…The rest of the days, I sit/lay around and do nothing…Oh I have a house that needs cleaning badly but cannot get motivated or un lazy to clean it….No one and I mean no one ever comes to mine, since my support worker said I’m okay to do life on my own….I don’t see anyone,, talk to anyone on my days off, I just can’t see/find a reason to do housework……..I keep my yard clean and tidy because people can see that and judge me…

My fur girls don’t like cuddles when I’m sitting on the rocking chair…😆…wow I can’t believe that I have my very own fur girls proof chair….as much as I love them, it’s nice to be able to sit in it and not have 3 dogs fighting for my lap..

Hugs everyone with my love and care..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy, & everyone

Now I have my new, much quieter vacuum cleaner, I also wannt to use it myself, at least to do some of this work for myself. If I catch myself realising my back is not too bad, & stop & think about it, I can get up & grab my new vacuumm & go over the most messy bits of floor. That is, I do the kitchen & under my desk, & go over the areas where I most walk through my flat, front door, to back door, &into the bathroom. & today I realised one of my ankle weights is leaking tiny bead-like bits. They were in my bed, so I'd brushed them onto the floor. I didn't know where they were coming from until it dawned on me today... so I vacuumed beside my bet, too. & I like being able to walk on the clean floor with my bare feet, even if only for short periods of time when I don't have my compression socks on. It really does feel good to do these things for yourself, when I can. I enjoy thinking I really still can do thiese things sometimes.

I'm glad it's not like it used to be in my head, with my (ex-)step-mother's voice criticising & berating me, & me feeling her over my shoulder the whole time. I am not sure how that feeling has disappeared so much, to be just an old memory, but I realise it has.

Maybe having had some people in, support workers for the most part, & my sis has visited, too, & none have judged me at all, as far as I can tell. & I'm not asking them! Maybe that's what has made the difference in me? Does it matter why, if I can do some of my own housework & feel good about what I can achieve, if I can enjoy the results?

I've been thinking, if it gets to be 40°, I think I would disregard my self-consciousness & hose myself down anyway!

Hugzies to you & furbabies

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hiya sweety Grandy ‌‌ 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Kitty ‌‌ Pawsy ‌‌ and everyone 🙂

Ah that rocking chair hun it sounds really good and wow fur proof woot. I imagine it would get a bit crowded at times them all wanting to be close. 
Some cushions sounds like a good plan and less pain on the back would be a huge plus.

That must have been quite a shock to see the damaged window. Sounds like you had it all under control. I don't understand why people have to do that sort of rot. Maybe their way of letting stuff out, shame.

Works not sounding so good darl. That's a real shame. I've no doubt you'd be such an asset there

That support worker was pretty damned clueless eh. How awful not having people around you, well nice ones that is. 

Hun the housework will happen when it happens. It's very hard finding motivation esp in dark times. Try not to stress about it though lovey. You'll get there.

What a shame about your little tree, you were quite sad about that. I was hoping it might bounce back. Like you said it's back in the ground. Good way of looking at it.

Ok my darlin friend/s hope you're at the very least holding and not letting beasty get the better of our thoughts. 

Much 💜 darlin always 👀 & 🗯 same for other lovelies here 🙂

[Ggrand]

My post disappeared…it went all blue, like it does if you’re copy/pasting then when I tried to start a new paragraph….poof…..it disappeared🥲…tomorrow  I’ll try again..

Hugs everyone…🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy.

That's the sort of thing that gets me cranky.

However, next time, don't post about it as you did here, but try to 'Reply' to the same post you were replying to before, when you lost the text, (unless you actually accidently deleted all that highlighted text). Then you ought to see the little message saying you had autosaved test at [time Load or Discard.]

I hope that helps.

I am officially feeling the heat today, & apparently tomorrow, too. Cant't get to swimming, so I will be relying on cool showers, & drinking lots of cold water, & my new-ish ceiling fans. I am not going to cook anything. I've got enough salad ingredients to simply chop & eat.

& still, I'm not feeling 40°+ & I feel like I'm melting & sizzling like a bit of butter in a frypan.

Hoping you & furbabies are having a wonderful week.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello mmMeKitty, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone….🤗..

Thank you mmMeKitty, I did check and it was still loaded but it disappeared when I sent it a couple of days ago….Gee we never had that problem before..

I like the sound of your quiet vacuum cleaner and pleased that you feel comfortable using it…well done vacuuming the areas you can….my vacuum cleaner makes so many different noises it sounds like something is rattling around in it but when I look I can’t find anything…I’ll stick to sweeping and mopping the floors I can….which I did do the other day…yay me!

I love sitting on my Rocking Chair having my morning cuppa tea…and sometimes in the afternoon when I feel up to it….looking for some cushion to place onto it…

The front window has been replaced on the shop front…I told my manager that I am not going to work on Tuesdays anymore so as soon as I can train a Tuesday girl to work the cash register and do the shop…I’m leaving that day because one of the Tuesday girls disrespected me in the shop and in front of about 6 customers and made me feel so small and mean because I couldn’t  give a customer something selling for $50.00 for free…The item had been put into the stock books and I would have been in big trouble…maybe I’ll also leave the other 2 days as well….I did like going to work but now it's just overwhelming me thinking about it...

The weather out here has been so hot and humid  we dont usually get humid weather here...makes sleeping hard.

Deebi👭..how are you bbff? I will.pop over to yours in the next few days...love you always deeply..♥️♥️🌟...🌜☁️🌛..24/7..

Hoping everyone has been having peaceful and happy days..sending you all my love  care and big hugs..🤗🍁♥️.

👭Grandy..

I applied for my aged care to help me with my yard work, mowing and edging the lawn…an assessor will make me a visit within the next month to decide if I qualify or not…..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, wave to everyone,

I know how hard speaking up & saying you don't want to work on Tuesdays must have been for you lass... you did good 👍 telling them that... you shouldn't be expected to work with people who disrespect you... I hope you do keep going in the other days... you need something to get you out of the house... perhaps give it a few weeks & see how you are doing then... 

Humidity is horrible... I don't know how people who live in the tropics cope with it... I find it so tiring & like you struggle to sleep with it... I've had lovely cool weather here for the past week, but it's going to heat up horribly  in a few days... I'm not looking forward to it...

gentle hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey Dear Grandy & all

*So frustrating losing posts esp when it's very hard to post at all. Tbh I thought it'd be sorted sooner. Clearly they have a lot to sort out. Sometimes like today at Croixy's I can't do a support on the heart, the screen jumps a tad yet this morning it worked.

*Well done darl you got the floors sorted. Bit by bits fine. Every small bit builds to bigger in time and no hurry.
Darl I'm wondering if somethings caught in the tube before it gets to the motor.

*So good hun that you're happy with the rocker. It really does sound nice being on the veranda. Peaceful

*If some cushions land at the op shop and you don't like the cover maybe you could sew one with a nice material whether from clothing or table cloth etc from work.
I know it'd be hard getting the motivation up but at least a distraction that could lead to more. I think there's bad memories from sewing too? you poor love. Maybe the bad memories that stop you doing something you enjoyed can become a new lease of independence. Unsure if I"m making any sense.

*I get completely where you're coming from lovey about work. I've been in that position at a couple of jobs been unhappy due to staff being pffts. Can't stand you being treated poorly. Just the concern for you is more time alone and not much need to get out of the house which yes safety but a step back from the progress you've made.
Just to add to the dilemma I imagine is weighing up I guess what gives you more grief.

*Is there something else you feel you could do that would be easier on the body being around people but not necessarily having to deal with them.
There was mention a bit ago about aerobic exercises in the water. It'd be good for you without in your face people but then you might meet some new friends too in time.

*Oh fingers crossed about the lawns. I really hope that eventuates Grandz. Too hard on your poor bod hun.

*Hun it's always good seeing you but don't feel obliged sweety to go to mine, I've been so slack but not intentionally. Hard to explain and near out of characters 

*Always deep love dear lady, you da bomb & that's the truth. Take care and everyone 🙂
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