Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Learn to Fly, Paws ecomama and everyone….🤗.

He came in again on Tuesday….He scares me….He walks around the shop like he is the king of the world….No please or thank you…just expects his wishes to me met….He wanted dresses off the models…one was a dress for a 5 year old… “it’s a hot little number, I’m sure it would stretch to fit a size 10 women”…Really?…I said no… he gets me shaking so much that I fumble trying to get the dresses of the models…I feel like I’m stripping a real person instead of a plastic model….he gets to me so much… He tried to start up a conversation, I just walked away and said..when you’re ready to make a sale, ring the customer bell and I’ll come back and do the sale…

We had a work morning tea on Wednesday to celebrate 100 years of Vinnies in NSW….the regional boss was there and asked for volunteers to open on Saturday mornings…we all declined, then the regional manager called the co-ordinators over…and asked us again…again we all declined..then she seemed to pressure me when I was alone…I gave in and said I’ll give it a months trail…she said 3 months trial…I agreed…Not happy about me agreeing to this….Why do I do this?  especially since I didn’t want to do Saturday at all…I start Saturday’s next week..

The roads out here are  so bad..It’s like driving on an obstacle course trying to avoid the potholes….We can get flooding and stuck in our town and have been…their is only one road out of our town and their is a creek that runs along side of it….sometimes the road into town gets flooded and is closed…

I do practise visual imaging a lot….sometimes it works well, other times my mind can’t get past the time of being triggered….I have candles in every room and do light them when I’m home…

Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, gosh I hope your okay…not sure if your still having trouble posting on the forums, I have posted a couple of posts on your thread…please if you’re having trouble with seeing them..come back here and let us know….I really am getting very concerned about you…😢…It’s hard not knowing how someone we love and care for is feeling…💙🤗…love and care for you I do so much..

Sending everyone my care, hugs, love and kind thoughts for a wonderful day..week, life..🦋🤗♥️..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌿🌴…

[ecomama]

Hello dear Grandy, wow what another big week for you. 

You know that creepy man has no power over you right? 
I'm so proud of you that you just walked away. 
You CAN walk away. 

I'm sorry but I was horrified that the Vinnies bosses put pressure on you. They are SO LUCKY I wasn't there Grandy, I'm telling you now. They would've copped the "you know that NO means NO right?" and left a pregnant pause because it is abusive to put pressures on people and BEING VOLUNTEERS! omg, who are these people! 

Well we know who they are. 
People who put their WANTS and needs (these are just wants let's face it) above and beyond YOUR needs. 

You don't have to tell them WHY, it's simply none of their business. 

Opening Saturdays? 
Their problem. 
Not yours. 

Do what you need to do and close up when you're good and ready. 

Not happening on our watch Grandy.

More power to you! 
Love EMxxxx

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear ecomama, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone….🤗

I think it won’t be too bad, I mean on Tuesday after my work week is finished I go home lock my gates and stay at home, seeing no one, sometimes not talking to anyone until the following Monday…..maybe another reason and another day to go out will be beneficial for my mental health…idk maybe I’m just making excuses for once again not standing my ground…I feel a bit disappointed in myself….It’s just that I hate letting anyone down because It plays on my mind to much….you know feelings of guilt and laziness…it’s okay..I have committed myself so I’ll see it through🙂…I’m okay with my decision..

I had a really peaceful half hour this afternoon….I sat outback on the veranda and my 3 fur girls all sat next to me on the large rug I have near the chair….I just watched them, laying in the sun close together, they looked so peaceful without a care in the world…just enjoying each other’s presence…my heart melted…I feel so lucky to have them in my life…We are family…

I hope everyone’s day today was a good day….
Sending my care, love and hugs…🦋♥️🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…

[ecomama]

Hey Grandy and everyone reading along, 

what a beautiful sight to see you sitting with your darlings on the porch in the sun, nice. 

Great! You're more or less satisfied with your Saturdays at work now. 

Next time, you can ask for time to think things over. 
You can put some time and space between the demand and the questioners and yourself. 
Reflect a little. 

Answer via email lol. 

It can be a confronting moment when the pressure is turned up. 
But remember that YOU are the boss of your life, no one else. 
You've worked darn hard to get to where you are. No one has been given the rights to your life and time. 

If you WANT to give more, then that is your choice alone. All good. 

Yes, things are always working out for me lol. My mantra. 

I'm doing really well.
Not so much my 2 friends though.
I felt an impulse and a dull ache in my lower abdomen then thought "R" (my friend's name) and then "love" and "brokenheartedness" earlier this week. 
It's been months since I spoke with her. 
This arv I called her and told her this. 
She said "Duck! Are you kidding me? We need to talk, come over tomorrow". 

I'm visiting my friend T tonight. 
She was diagnosed years ago and is not furthering treatment. 

BREATHE OUT. 
Stabilise SELF. 

They really need me to be strong for them and hold space. They are REALLY open with me about their journeys. I cry openly when I need to in front of them. 
My friends of over 50y. I'm recognising the sensations of abandonment! How crazy is that? 
Keeping things "in check" for my visits. 

Love and many BLESSINGS to you all! 
EMxxxx

[demonblaster]

Hiya bbff 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 and all other lovelies out there 

Just popping in with a lovely big moist carrot and Walnut cake sweety and a nice chai latte and of course some bones for the gorgeous furs. Destiny and Eternity wanted some cuddles and Grandy love so they're here as well. 

Hope you're coming good dear friend 🤗 it can take time can't it and the exhaustion is hard work too eh. 
Know you're always thought of darling Grandy with SO much love and care daily how often.

Went for a walk to the shops today it's a nice sunny one, hope it is for you too lovely one 

Take really good care of yourself won't you precious friend. I couldn't bear a life without you in it beautiful lady. 

Cya sweety have a really good one and everyone else too 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨💜🤗💫💪

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Just popping in to say hello....

Hello!!!  😂

Whilst I'm here... if you have some sun ☀☀ I thought we might sit outside & watch our furs... Woofa pwomises to be extra gentle with Ebony... how is her leg going?... 

I know you have work tomorrow... I will be thinking of you... though I'm sure you will fly through the day once you get past the hard part (actually going)... 

Big hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone……🤗..

Ebony is doing very good….you wouldn’t even know she damaged her knee…she is now able to jump onto my lounge..

I have a busy week ahead next week….first Saturday, work Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday I’m going for a few tests…in the bigger town…Betty is coming with me, so we can have lunch in town and some personal shopping……my Dr. thinks I have a lumbar disc hernia, which is pressing on the nerve to my leg..,which has been giving me a lot of sleepless night due to the heavy aching pain I’m getting…my Dr said that my description of the pain I get sounds like nerve pain….this has been going on now for over 3 years progressively getting worse….then on Friday a mammogram, Saturday work, rest Sunday and back to Monday….😂😂 no time next week to be home that much…home is where I like to be…but I really need to get these tests done..asap.

Yes, I’m doing good…thanks Deebi, it took a long time this time, I need to be more aware of my triggers, which I am, but when something like what happened does happen and I’m down before I even know it…..it’s so really hard to get out of my head…

Love carrot and walnut cake…thank you Deebi…walnuts are one of my favourite nuts…along with Pistachios and Cashews….I like to put walnuts into a Date cake when I have some…I will make one tomorrow after work and call in to your, with all our beautiful friends here and we can all have chats while our fur babies have a good time playing……Thinking of you bbff with lots of love, and hugs..💙🦋🦜….🌜💙⚡️💙🌛

It has been so cold this week….Snowed 70 kilometres from mine…it feels like winter, the sun is out but the wind/breeze is so cold….I am looking forward to a warm day so I can sit out in the sun and feel some warmth from it….What happened to Spring? 

I hope everyone has a great day and an even greater weekend…

Hugs, care and my love everyone…🤗🦋♥️….

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[ecomama]

HELLO Grandy! I've missed you! waves to all the other lovelies reading. Hugs for all. Snoozing pats FOR poodle lol because he's a poodle! 

What amazing news about Ebony! Happy days! Jumping on the lounge, wow, so happy for her recovery. 

Busy busy Grandy. You're a tech genius aren't you Grandy? 
You can access YouTube right? 

If you can, if you can't you can soon, there's an AWESOME clip I've been listening to and don't worry, at first you might scrunch up your face... then let it play on... then after a while WOW, IT'S AMAZING! 
I LAUGH and just begin repeating it. 

It's called "Things Are Always Working Out For Me Daily Inspiring Affirmations Rampage" lol rampage. 
On the Channel "Abraham Hicks -" something else at the end. 

If you have plenty of data then GOOD. If not then perhaps there's a way to download some YT clips to your phone and listen to others if you want to using WIFI Networks around town... 

Please let us know how you go with the Drs feedback BECAUSE you're gonna heal yourself lol. 

Any cake left? LOVE carrot and walnut cake yummmmmmo! 

Love and MOUNTAINS OF BLESSINGS to you all
EMxxxx

[demonblaster]

Hiya dear Grandy 💏 & all other lovelies out there 🌺

wow hun that’s great hearing how dear wee Ebony’s going. Fast healings great. What a relief for you both. How lucky they are having such a beautiful living Mum and yes I know you’d be saying for you too having them 🌝 cute little piccy that one. 

Some good thoughts about next time waiting to give your answer from our echo. Good on you following through you’re doing incredibly well there. It ultimately could be a good help toward healing or at least people healing anyway. 

You sure do have a big wk hun. Geez I hope you can get some answers with your leg pain, how awful. Best with the tittygram lovey. Nice Betty will be with you and having lunch and some shopping. 

Yes those mood drops are incredibly fast aren’t they. It’s not until I’m right down that I realise then do the self talk to get back up enough to work on. It sounds like you’re getting or are back up. We’ll done precious. Hard yakka. 

That really is beautiful picturing you with the gorjy’s (gorgeous eco) on the veranda. Love that image. 
you know when I see stars I always think of you and nature that’s amongst the million other thoughts of you that is   💫🌟🌈

oh sweety glad you like walnuts mmm sounds yum the Date & Walnut cake I’ll look forward to that. Yes our dear friends are very welcome 🥜 that’s the closest I could get to a walnut ofttimes 🤭

probs outta characters by now. Love you heaps Grandy always pubAok 🌈🦋💜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💓🍓🥮👀❄️

[quirkywords]

Hello grandy and everyone, 

I am catching up with this thread which I have found at last again. 
i like the way everyone supports each other and how everyone is honest and patient. 
grany I like date and walnut cake. I like cashews and macadamia nuts. 
Big wave to everyone.