Tips on how to get the most out of therapy?

[GreenEgg]

Hello

I recently had my first session with a psychologist. I have my second one in a couple of weeks and I’m just wondering how I can get the most out of it. Do you have any tips on what’s worked for you?

I feel like my first session wasn’t that helpful, but I also feel like maybe I wasn’t completely honest and that’s why. I talked to my GP mostly about anxiety so I think it was pitched at that, but I mostly think I struggle with just feeling empty and detached. Then little things send me into anxious spirals, but they often resolve in time.

I kind of misled them too about some things, like whether I’d ever thought about hurting myself before, or didn’t really know how to describe my relationships or feelings properly.

H

[ecomama]

Hey GreenEgg, welcome to the forums. 

You've brought a great question here, it's loaded lol! 

My question back to you is "What do you WANT out of therapy?" 
I need to steer 1:1 therapy sessions. 
I never go in just empty. 
I go in with questions, goals and or both. 

Here are some of my goals in therapy that I asked for help with over time. 
One I asked for help with CLARITY - btw I didn't get it lol. (I worked it out with my own research). 
Same one I asked "HOW can I have such a successful career yet my intimate relationships are messy?" - no good answers there either lol. (The answers here are "Look to your childhood" - Gabor Mate). 

Switch Psychs. 
"What can I do to FILE my traumatic memories so I don't feel so emotionally charged with rolling PTSD symptoms?" Exposure therapy. 
Yep that worked well, BUT only because I put in 99% of the work between sessions. 
She actually didn't believe me when I said I'd done more than all my homework she set lol. But I did, she saw that later on. 

It's okay about not being 100% open and transparent. Psychs are used to this lol. 

I LOVE how you opened up here and said "I mostly think I struggle with just feeling empty and detached". 
Turning this into what you DO want... would that be "I want to be filled with joy and wellbeing and also be able to connect with others and the world around me" ? 
If, so then you can share these aims or ones you decide on with your therapist and hold on for the ride! 

Have fun with it, you're going to do well, 

Love EM

How are you doing today? 

[Sophie_M]

Hi GreenEgg (want to add 'and ham' here lol), 

Thank you for joining us here and posting to the forum tonight. You're so very welcome here and we're also really glad you've come here to ask this question, as we know a lot of people feel the same way from our conversations on the phone line in particular.

We're really glad you're engaged and seeking professional help. As many here will attest, that move was one of the best decisions they made towards healing and working through things with a support system in place.

You're right - the first session can sometimes feel a little bit less helpful (as a matter of fact, sometimes it can take several sessions to get to know each other, feel safe and start working together really well), but we do also know that it can take a lot of trust sometimes to tell someone about our darkest thoughts and feelings - especially those of self harm or suicidal ideation in particular. 

We just want to encourage you to continue on with the sessions and hopefully open up about it as soon as you feel comfortable. In the meantime, if you do feel that the thoughts and feelings about hurting yourself come back, or you're struggling with anything at all, please do reach out to us on the phone lines (1300 224 636), or perhaps even think about utilising our webchat service . We're here for you 24/7, it's totally confidential and we're non-judgmental.

We look forward to hearing what others have to share with you and to see you posting in other threads too... we love it when you guys are interactive with each other - that's where the real gold lies...

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[james1]

Hey GreenEgg,

Good on you for going to the psychologist! That's not easy for a lot of people, and I'm glad to hear you are trying to work on your anxiety with them.

I think your experience is really common. I would say I wasn't fully honest with my own psychologist for a very long time. Even now, some 8 odd years later, I think I did the 'right' thing. I didn't know her, so why should I trust her? If I'd shared more than I wanted to, I'd feel unsafe and end up jeopardising that space. Instead, I think the goal is to make sure you build a safe space and that often means withholding information that we feel we cannot give to others yet.

Still, if after that initial session, you think you might be able to share a bit more, then that could be a good thing. You're building trust with your psychologist (and GP too). I imagine your psychologist would be pretty experienced with this and would be fine if you have to clarify some comments made last time. They're in this to help you and will understand that the main focus should be on addressing your concerns.

So I suppose my general tip that has worked for me is: don't worry about what your psychologist will think because whatever you do, 1) they probably have seen it before, and 2) they are there to help you, not judge you. As long as you take it at a pace you are comfortable with and build that trust with your psychologist, the therapy sessions will naturally evolve.

Let us know how you go

James

[jaz28]

Hi Greenegg,

I am sorry you have been going through a tough time. It is great that you have sought help from a psychologist, but just remember it can take TIME for therapy to help, it does not usually magically "fix you" or help you in one session, you need to attend a few sessions to get a result. Be open-minded - your psychologist will suggest different ways to cope. Go into therapy with an open mind to suggestions and remember that the psychologist is not there to solve your problems for you. Usually, your psychologist will help you come to a solution by yourself, but you should not go into therapy expecting a psychologist to fix you or solve everything for you. That is simply not the point of therapy. Remember you are there to learn strategies to take forward into the rest of your life to help cope with your mental illness or specific thoughts (and hopefully overcome it). Honesty - you mentioned it yourself, a psychologist cannot thoroughly help you if you do not tell them the truth. However, it can take time to feel comfortable with someone to tell them all your secrets and thoughts, that is why therapy can take a while to work. As time goes on, you may find it easier to open up to them. You do not have to go through everything in one session, just let the psychologist guide the session along and do not try to tell them what you think they want to hear. Be as honest as you feel comfortable - their job is to help you, and they are not going to judge. If you are struggling to communicate or describe something (such as your relationships and feelings) - tell them and they can help you with that too. As ecomama suggested, be mindful of what you want to get out of therapy. At the end of the day, you are (most likely) paying for this service, so be upfront with yourself and your psych about your goals and what you want to achieve with the sessions. Hopefully, this will put you both on the same page. Do whatever "homework" is set. I like to think that the effort you put into therapy is the same as what you will get out of it. I am sure you are since you have reached this point, but make sure you are in therapy for the right reasons and want to get the most out of it for your mental health.

I am sure others will have great suggestions - but these really helped me. I had therapy years ago and my anxiety has been at bay since. It is really helpful and I really hope you overcome your struggles. 

Jaz xx

[GreenEgg]

Thank you so much for such a helpful and supportive reply, I really appreciate it.

This makes so much sense, and it was so helpful to think about the reverse - what I really want out of it rather than just the problems I feel like I see.

I’m not great at talking and tend to avoid or forget things, so maybe I will write out some things that I want to say in advance.

[GreenEgg]

Thank you James for your reply! I really appreciate it.

I do struggle with feeling judged, and often stress about doing or saying the ‘right’ things and play things over again and again in my head. So keeping in mind they’re there to help makes a lot of sense, and that I can just tell them how I am feeling.

I’m not really used to talking to anyone so it feels kind of weird. I find it much easier to write things than to talk about them.

Thank you

H

[GreenEgg]

Thank you Jaz ☺️

I am not particularly patient and I do struggle to follow through with things so this is something I will definitely have to work on. I have not been great with applying my homework… but there’s still some time!

[james1]

Hey GreenEgg,

Sorry I've been out for a few weeks, and just come back. 

It's interesting to hear that you find it easier to write things down. One of the tips I used to give people (I still think it's a good tip, I just don't tend to give tips much anymore unless people are specifically asking) is to write things out before a psychologist session. I used to do it for things that were particularly hard to say.

I'm glad to see your responses to everyone here. It sounds like you're really trying to give this therapy a go, and I hope it works for you like it does for me.

Do let us know if there's anything you'd like to talk about now, otherwise this space is always available to you whenever you need it.

James