Struggle, struggle

[blu_]

Hello all,

This is my first post since 2017. I've thought a lot about coming back here over the years, particularly during 2020. I'm here today because I am struggling to adjust to my new workplace, am feeling quite alone in my struggles, and need a safe space to express how I'm feeling. I was stood down from my previous job (I had been there for just over one year) at the end of March 2020 and made redundant in September 2020. This was a stressful time, though I was fortunate to find a new job at the start of December. It is not is exactly a dream role, and I knew the work itself would be stressful (it's a customer service position) but I felt positive about the company and the culture. Anyway, 3 months in and I am really struggling to adjust, and it's triggering my depression quite significantly. I am feeling quite isolated because I'm not really part of a team as such, I work quite autonomously. Most of my colleagues have been there for a number of years and, while they are friendly people, they have formed tight-knit groups. I didn't receive much in the way of training and have kind of been left to figure things out as I go. I was told at the start that I 'was never alone, and can always ask for help', but...I am often left alone and when I do ask questions I am treated rather dismissively. I spend most of my work days feeling incompetent and inadequete, and my days off in a depressed state. Today I spent most of the day in bed, I didn't step outside. I just felt so...drained and empty.

Anyway, I'm not really sure what I wanted to get out of posting this, just felt the need to share.

To those who have read this - thanks for listening.

[missep123]

Hi blu_ , I am so glad that you returned to the forums!

I relate so much to what you wrote. Similarly to you I got a new job after being stood down last year and I was so hopeful about it but then it didn't turn out to be what I expected and I found that it was affecting my mental health. It was difficult to adjust and triggered my depression and anxiety also. Luckily I was in a supportive group of new people as I heard that others at my workplace were in groups where people were more experienced and therefore they really felt the gap in knowledge.

The first 3 months were the hardest for me until I started (slowly) feeling as though I was learning. Do you think day by day you are learning a little bit more or is your mental health staying at the same place?

Have you had an open discussion with your boss about how you are feeling? For me personally it took me a while to open up and be honest to my boss because I didn't want to seem like I didn't know what I was doing but the struggle was getting to me. By telling my boss she then was able to help me where I was struggling or know that I was trying my best even though I was finding it difficult. She thanked me for this honesty because she said otherwise since I was working hard she didn't know that I was struggling.

I completely can relate, during the first three months I had to really incorporate a lot of meditation and 'distraction' or self-care activities to nurture my mental health. In saying that, there were days where my energy was depleted and I really had to force myself to do social activities. Once I did do those social activities I felt better for it but finding the motivation initially was difficult.

I'm completely here for you, I look forward to hearing from you!