So tired

[Clementinee]

Hey there,

This is my first post and it seems a bit strange to write to the "unknown". But here goes.

I am in my late 20s and I have a good life. I recently got married and I am finishing up my professional degree. I moved to a new country about 4 years ago and I think that's what started it all. I started my degree after years of hard work trying to get into it. Once i got started with the program I just wasn't into it but I could not figure it if i am generally not interested in life or if I just hated the way the program went. I even wondered if it was burn out. I started feeling really crap because I had no family and friends were hard to make. That's when I met my now husband. Things were awesome between us but I knew i was always feeling a bit low. But he gave me happiness and was a good distraction.

Unfortunately he had to move to another city and we started doing the long distance thing. I think my symptoms got worse then. I started having anxiety attacks and was always so tired. I lived alone far from the city and was isolated. I couldn't move due to placements for my course and i was just getting further and further tired. I started taking my frustrations on him because he was just focused on work and he didn't understand anxiety.

I don't understand why i wa anxious. I tried to stay positive and i went to gym regularly. I meditated and I read self help forums to do the right things. I kept my self busy and adapted to live alone. I tried to stay away from him so that he can work and not be bothered by me. We speak daily and meet once a month dor a weekend. I can't ask anynore but why am I missing him so much? It bothers me that he is able to handle the distance so much better, I just want to be like him.

I am honestly now so tired to the point where I am just crying non stop some days. Everything seems like an effort even sending a small email. Tiny stressors get me wound up. I used to be such a go getter with so many things on at once and I never complained. Now I am such a mess. I break down to my partner and then end up feeling so foolish. I have started to hate myself and i don't know what to do. I have big exams and I cant get the energy to study well.

I sleep so poor and I can't seem to be in the moment. I wake up feeling crap and tight chested and I have to spend energy fixing myself.

I feel a fool for this long message but can someone tell me how I can get my energy and my self back. I hate myself like this. Thanks

[Mia001]

Hi Clementinee,

Firstly, a big welcome to the forums! I'm so sorry that no one replied earlier. Sometimes a post can take a while to appear so maybe that's why.

Good on you for seeking help! It takes a lot of courage to post for the first time. I'm sure you'll find the forums a very supportive community. We're here to help!

Your anxiety seems to be affecting you greatly. You said that you have taken some steps to help yourself (going to gym etc) but it hasn't really been effective. Have you considered seeing a counsellor or psychologist? Getting professional help can make a big difference.

Hope you find this helpful 🙂

Mia

[geoff]

hello Clementinee, it's awful feeling this way at any time, and once it begins then it just seems to multiply, maybe you were burnt out after studying so much and when you finish do you feel any happier or just exhausted and wonder whether you should have put yourself through all of this.
I'm sure you never expected or wanted your husband to live in another city, that's not what young weds should be doing, instead of living together and planning for your future, homes, kids and developing a wonderful life together.
I'm not sure whether there are thoughts of him entertaining himself while away, and if so this is a major concern for you and a big trigger point.
You are despearely in love, and I know that you have final exams approaching which you are not able to focus on, and if you want to defer for a year, people will say that you're so close to finishing and should go on, maybe, maybe not, because what you have to do is look after yourself that must come first and then move over to be with your husband.
If that's what you want then do it, you need to plan for your future and it may not include anything to do with your degree.
Before you decide I would be asking these questions with a psychologist after you have seen your doctor.
It's certainly a difficult decision for you to make, but please get back to us. Geoff