Pointlessness

[Perry2936]

I am 33 years old, on the Autism Spectrum and completely at a loose end in my life.

There is nothing left to work for, nothing left that interests me and I am completely isolated because I struggle to connect with anyone. I struggle to connect with myself.

Psychotherapy isn't working (and I have been attending for many years, paying ridiculous sums of money to talk to someone who merely listens and writes, without any further

I volunteer for homeless people, yet I feel so detached when I am volunteering, I struggle to connect and feel like a robot. I don't even know if I am helping or just going through the motions.

I work in a dead end job in supermarket retail, and have failed multiple degrees in the hopes of getting a better job. Not because I don't understand the work, but because I can't find the support that I need.

I spend hours scouring on Meetup for relatively interesting meetups, but most are "coffee and cake", some of which I have been to. I often sit, observing but unable to contribute much to the conversation. I have felt like this my whole life. Watching, observing, understanding, but unable to contribute.

I feel like life has lost meaning and I'm going through the motions. I am agoraphobic, but I push through and often go to shopping centres and other busy places to remind myself that I am not alone. All this does is make me more isolated and exhausted.

I go to the library, and read books, but get bored after most books that I am interested in have essentially the same information, and information that I can easily get off the internet.

I was interested in music, and can play piano very well, but without community, what is the point? Depression has muted all of my interests and without a miracle, my days (besides working) consist of laying in bed with a weighted blanket, scouring information on the internet, hoping I can find a solution to my problems and binge eating.

My mother died when I was 13, my father is an alcoholic (whom I had to remove myself from 17 years ago) and my sister (who lives in another state) is depressed herself, and is unemployed. My extended family have been estranged from each other for 20 years, there is no support.

Chronic loneliness is ruining my life, and a visit to a random Meetup group is not a solution.

When I do reach out, I am often met with "Oh, I'm busy with the kids" or, "Find your own friends."

I have no children either, not through choice either.

I am struggling and need help.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Perry2936,
Thanks for reaching out to our friendly community. We know it can be really hard to build a social network, and loneliness is something can be very painful, a lot of people suffer with it. We're so sorry to hear that you feel chronic loneliness is ruining your life. We can hear that you've been trying really hard for a long time to make some connections, and the feelings of rejection you've been experiencing must be disheartening. Please know that there are many members of this community who are in a similar situation - hopefully a few of them will pop by to welcome you and relate.

Please know that things can change at any moment, especially when you're trying new things like you are. There is always hope - things can always improve. Although meet-ups haven't been successful for you (yet!) you might be interested in trying out a support group in your area. You can find information on support groups is available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/ 

You might also find it useful to take a look out our page on “Loneliness” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/personal-best/pillar/in-focus/loneliness-the-public-health-issue-we-sh...

In the meantime, please feel free to get involved across the forums - take a look around existing threads and see if there are any you relate you and might want to get involved in. Thanks again for reaching out - hopefully a few members will be by to welcome you over the next few days.

[Croix]

Dear Perry2936~

I'm glad Sophie_M was able to meet with you and make a couple of suggestions well worth trying.

You sound as if you have intelligently and methodically given the things a go I would have suggested, form homeless assistance to meet-groups.

The thing that seems to come over, at least to my reading, is htat you are not making connections wiht others, even when trying, the subjects may be trivial, or you are working on your own.

I'm aware you have agoraphobia, but have managed to limit it by getting at leat as far as shopping centers.

Would you consider trying somethng where the emphasis was team-building? Each relying on the others to accomplish a task, be it a ranger type camp you pay for through to fire brigade. You just abut see the reward of your effort in tangible form straight away and the efforts involve can take one's mind off one's own

Next time you are on the net under your weighted blanket circumstances perhaps you might see somethng with possibilities

I hope to hear from you again

Croix.