Not sure what to do.

slippery_slope · ‎10-10-2017

Hi,

I'd like to know other peoples opinion on what I'm going through. Actually, I feel I can't make certain decisions. I guess i'm stubborn in some ways or maybe frightened.

I've come along way mentally. I haven't had a apocalyptic episode for a while (5-6 weeks). I still have low mood and can catch the apocalyptic episode before it happens with acceptance and positive thinking.

Motivation to do things like getting out of the house and just doing things is a huge effort even with positive thinking and knowing the benefits.

My GP has offered anti-depressants over the last 2 years but I always refuse, thinking I can do this without them. I'm not so sure now. I still have not made any new friends, not sure which direction to take about my future. I still feel I'm not all there but i know I never will be if I don't continue to change my life. I wonder if I've just hit a wall, tired of this journey, maybe lazy, maybe just need to slap myself out of it.

I finally let myself see a councilor but its only been 2 consultations so far.

I guess I want to know if anti-depressants will benefit me or delay progress?

white knight · ‎10-10-2017

Hi slippery slope, welcome

Taking meds is a common talking point.

I suppose I compare it to-

Would you stop using a walking cane if it helped you walk?

Or a hat that stops skin cancer?

Medication can be a crutial part of the recovery and/or coping process. I take very low doses of AD's and it stabilises me so much I'll never stop taking them.

So, I'd go by my doctors advice.

Google Topic: medication is a whirlpool- beyondblue

Tony WK

Croix · ‎10-10-2017

Dear Slippery slope~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum and think that you have raised a question many ask themselves. And of course I'm not going to try to give you a specific answer, everyone is different.

Looking at your account of how things have been one can see that you have been facing a long term problem. Your GP has been concerned for two years or more. One can also see that your illness is affecting your whole life, not just "apocalyptic episodes" which you give the impression happen reasonably often but simple things like getting out the house and socializing. You also see a need for change.

No, I'm not sure anyone can 'slap themselves out of it'. I know in my own case I could not improve on my own.

ADs do help many, looking around the forum confirms that. Looking around one also sees there are others for whom meds have not been effective or have in some cases made things harder. There is more than one type of medication, and also varying dosages. The Facts menu above gives information on various treatments for depression and anxiety.

In my own case I did not have that happy a start and it took a long time to reach a type and dosage that helped, sometimes the side-effects were quite undesirable. Since then things have greatly improved. I too was frightened of their effects to start with and also found it difficult to accept I needed medication.

All I can say is that my situation was worsening and I eventually found benefit, and that was in addition to therapy. If I was in your place I'd see if your GP's views have changed now that you have started counseling and if he/she believes it is worth seeing how that pans out or still suggests you go to medication now.

Croix

meercat · ‎10-10-2017

Hi. Meercat here. You may have read already im 64 yo and been on meds since i was 21. I know they are not for everyone. When i did not take them for any reason over the years my up and down moods would take over. Recently I was so tired i just curled up and went to "sleep" for a few weeks. The days before i was up and about and kayaking and walking.

i appreciate like you i cant just get up and do things at times and the highs can be very interesting too.. thats what makes us who we are. hope you have a good nights sleep.

hugs, meercat xx

James17 · ‎11-10-2017

Hi meerkat just want to let you know your not alone. I’m 30 now and have been going through this for about 3 years now so early days for me, but for the last 3 years I’ve been trying to hide it, but i to got to the stage where I wouldn’t leave my room/bed. I’ve lost friends, I got fired from my last job, my relationship fell apart and I went from being an energetic upbeat person to nearly committing suicide. It’s only been til recently I’ve reached and started getting help. I’m on meds now and I feel are helping. You said recently you had relapse. Do you know what brought me that on? If anything?

James17 · ‎11-10-2017

Hey mate I too was like you and for three years refused medication as I thought They would be mind altering drugs. I have been on meds for 3 months now and things have improved dramatically. They have cleared my mind and given me enough strength to start improving. And I’ve had no side effects. Pretty much I just feel a lot happier. I’ve still got a long way to go with counselling and cognitive therapy. But it’s made this journey a lot easier. If you’ve had enough of living that life I would highly recommend. There are many meds out there it’s just about finding what works for you. I felt I had nothing to lose and I didn’t.

slippery_slope · ‎11-10-2017

Many thanks for everyones replies and support.

Ive really thought about it since my original post. I guess I'm frightened of a few things. I was prescribed AD's around 7 years ago but only lasted 2 days on them as I couldnt cope with the zombie feeling and that was that. Ive seen a few documentaries on depression and understand that it may take a few different types of AD's to find the right one. What I fear the most is what many describe as having no feeling, not happy, not sad. Although that does appeal to me now, my mind is saying I'm weak if I give into AD's and what if I come across my soul mate and blow it cause I feel nothing and I'm about to switch my volunteering to helping young children to read, I don't want to be spaced out in front of these kids.

OK, since writing this, I realise fear of the unknown and nothing changes if nothing changes. I think I will give the AD's another go but ask for something different.

I guess need to try something different and hope for the best.

Many thanks again.

meercat · ‎16-10-2017

Hi. meercat 64 yrs

What to do? do triggers jump on us like little gremlins causing havoc in our lives. i try to keep away from stress but not much luck lately.

I wonder do life events , triggers, form me or is it my personality or is it bp.

What sets you in a spin up a mountain or off to bed for ages?

A few examples of the past months

*i lost contact with my lovely neighbour friend because i was cranky with her tradie who caused my roof to fall in

*the electricity is turned off every fortnight to connect new homes nearby and i am left home alone cause i am going blind and cant go out out on my own

* My mum is long way away and very ill and tells me the sun is shining and get on with life

* Puppy nearly passed away with a tick.

* My husband could not communicate with me, he did not know what to do with his once bubbly happy wife

We visited the city last weekend. Where we stayed was close to where id lived and worked in the city for years.

Strong triggers ..gremlins.. jumped out at me.. or was this just memories

What triggers you?

meercat xx

meercat · ‎16-10-2017

Hi james. After talking to my dr and reading some medical journals il try to explain what happened. Basically the unused meds. were not expelled from my brain.

After

1. Months of stress

2. I went toxic. Instead of going through my body and expelling what it didnt want, my meds stockpiled in my brain.

Because my levels were not being monitored regularly and new dr. found my meds had been too high for years (double) they needed adjusting.

It wasnt the type of meds the problem , it was the dose. So i went back to nothing, to a lower dose. Im used to being calm and happy and now i have to work through my moods. Its very difficult to sift thru my life to see how things could have been different if only id had a knowledgable dr in the first place, an understanding that i had been born with a chemical deficiency and that id need some help along the way from non judgemental family and friends.

Im mentioning this because i think i have a better idea how why i can be happy enjoying life one day and then collapsed into a heap.

The medcation only stays in my body for 32 hours. E.g take tab 7pm, goes into bloodstream for 7 hours, up to the brain for 24 hours then down through bloodstream and passes out. Then the cycle starts again 12 hours later. If i miss a tab for 2 days i then im all out of kilter.

I hope this explains it for you.

meercat xx

meercat · ‎16-10-2017

Hi. meercat here. After 43 yrs slow release meds, im just getting an understanding of them and how they work. We did not have "search engines" in my day".

Iv often hated taking anything, i used to feel guilty each time i popped a pill or i took some time off work because i just couldnt cope. I could not explain why i typed 90 wpm one day and the next day slumped at my desks.

meercat xx

So i think now meds have been a help not a crutch.