Is sadness Permanant?

[Kuchel]

I have joined this place to get some answers about my situation. I am a family man of the early 40s. I have a 9 to 5 job. I have been dealing with depression for quite some time. I have been to a number of psychologists. All those sessions were like a band aid solution.  I ended by spending up to a couple of hundreds of dollars.  
My question is, is it possible that someone can be in the comfort zone of sadness.  For example, when I am driving back home, I have opted to listen to happy music, but I mostly choose sad music. I have become pessimistic and very cynical. I have severed ties with my relatives and with some friends. The reason being, they just cannot understand what I am going through. Most of them thinks I have the power to change myself and since I am not changing, perhaps I am making a scene out of it to grab sympathy. Is this possible that I may like the “sad” part because I have dwelt in this for long?

Lastly – why can’t I be happy like others?

[Bodey294]

i know what you mean Kuchel, Im going through depression as well and it seems hard to change when all you really know is how to be sad. after a while it just becomes apart of who you are. to answer your question (from my experience): yes after having depression for so long developing a comfort or dependency to sadness can occur. trying to change just gets tiresome and the depression doesn't help that process however persistence is the key (would be one of the logical solutions). i hope you feel not alone because i kinda feel the same way you do: in a continuous downward slump and cant get out. oh and P.S. you can be happy like others, its just all in your head, just keep letting it out whether it be through GP or family. 

[white knight]

Hi Kuchel, welcome

This subject is right up my alley.

As a boy I was the odd one out, always listening to sad music of the 60's and 70's, BeeGees, Cat Stevens. One song "Honey" by Bobby Goldsborough hit home. All sad. I'm 59yo now and throughout my life I can say that sadness is a place I now enjoy going...why? Because- 1/ I feel in touch with my inner self 2/ I can only write poetry when sad and 3/ It is part of my personality where no one else can go and few experience it. However- there are negatives to being a melancholy person.

That is, you wont fit in. I don't know your sex but as a man it counters because we are suppose to be tough right? Well gladly that is changing now but it was how it was then.

My life began to change in 1988 when a friend gave me some tapes of a guy now on youtube that you can google. My most loved is sunset. google "maharaji prem rawat sunset"...there are many more of his like "the perfect instrument". He hit a chord with me and my outlook on life.

Then 2003 I was first diagnosed (incorrectly) with bipolar 1 and ADHD. In 2009 I was correctly diagnosed with bipolar type 2, depression and ...wait for it....dysthymia.

Dysthymia is a low mood constant form of depression. It is likely to answer for my melancholy mind. Now this is the important thing- Once the medication took hold (mood stabilisers and low dose of anti depressants) my period of sadness was shorter and spaced further apart. My original cycle was- sad period of about 10 days duration every 8 weeks. Now it is 1-2 days every 16 weeks. I keep tabs on this as I like to write emotional poetry when I can and I have to wait until my down period comes for that to occur.

It's amusing because some people ask me "can you writ a poem for my son, he's having his birthday." haha. No, I cant.

The positive side to this frame of mind is compassion and kindness. The negative is vulnerability and prone to suicidal thoughts.

But all is not lost. See your GP and seek a psychiatric examination. These professionals are used to seeing this.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Tony WK

[Lily_28_]

Hi Kuchel,

                  I completely understand and 'get' where you are coming from. I feel like I am the same. I am 24 next month, and have been suffering anxiety and depression since I was 19. I have been in and out of doctors appointments and psychologist appointments ever since. I have also been on numerous medications, most of which have given me side affects or have made me gain weight or binge or feel sick etc to make me feel even worse about myself. 
Things got even worse 2 years ago (2 years exactly in 2 weeks time) when my best friend of almost 17years died suddenly. My world was forever changed. She was the light in everyone's world and yet she was gone just like that. It is a sadness i have not been able to escape. I have been able to maybe hide it away for a short period of time but then it comes back and bites me even harder. I have been dealing with it, but i think grief is something that is just so unpredictable and we just learn to live on with those we love no longer with us.
I am a full time uni student and work part time 20hrs a week, and am truly struggling. I would love nothing more than to wake up even just for one day to enjoy a full day instead of being dragged back by the overwhelming sensation of anxiety/depression. I nearly feel like i just need to sleep the rest of my life so i don;t feel anything at all. There are days when i sit here and wonder if it is even worth me being here anymore, but then i think of my family and close friends and my partner, and the life we want, and i get pulled into the living end of things.
It doesn't mean that over the years i haven't lost friends or have withdrawn myself though, as this has happened and even know, in the time i feel so overwhelmed, i am sitting looking through my facebook contacts thinking, hmm...who can i even go to without feeling like i am bothering them?
My question is, can we ever be normal again?
They say on these websites to seek treatment so that you can become better etc. however, its been 5 years and counting for me, will this ever go away? 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Lily_28*, thanks for posting.

Firstly we are so sorry to hear about the loss of your best friend 2 years ago – going through grief and loss can be an extremely difficult and emotional time. We can see from you post that you have really been struggling to cope with depression and anxiety since the age of 19 and we get a sense that you are feeling quite helpless at the moment. We are a little concerned to hear that things have been so hard for you that you have questioned whether to be here anymore – this must be an awful way to feel.

Just remember Lily_28*, that these feelings are certainly not permanent , feelings always change and given that you have been through so many challenges, it can sometimes feel as though there is no way of getting out of these feelings of distress, but that is not the case as you can ultimately control how you do feel.

Going through treatment and therapy can be a hard and challenging process and when we feel like we are not making any significant progress; it can be very easy to feel disheartened and conclude that this is the way that it’s always going to be. The process of therapy is different for each individual and for some it can take more time than others to feel better, and that is why it’s important not to give up if immediate results aren’t happening for you.

The key is to stay consistent and committed in your treatment plan. Remember that sometimes progress can be subtle and we may not even notice we are improving but keeping a log or a journal of your improvement can be a good way to keep visual evidence of how far you have come, as it allows you to reflect back. With all your hard work and commitment in treatment for the past 5 years there is sure to be some changes for you that perhaps you haven’t taken note of.

So, don’t give up what you are doing - continue your journey through counselling and psychological support from a professional, so that you have a safe space to discuss what you are going through. Getting counselling can help you to work out positive coping strategies and help unpack what is distressing you so that you feel better.

If you feel like you are at risk of harming yourself or at risk of suicide, please seek more immediate help by contacting your local Mental Health Team at your nearest hospital or attend the Emergency Department. If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

If you feel that things are getting really hard for you, we would encourage you to get in direct contact with us so that we can talk to you in more detail and explore alternative options for you. You can reach us by contacting the beyondblue Support Service on 1300 22 4636. We can help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with counselling support, information and referrals. Or, you can contact us via our Webchat service which starts at 3pm to midnight daily (link at top right of page).

You don’t need to go through this on your own.

[Kuchel]

I am quite overwhelmed with the responses. It is nice to see
that what I feel is not my own creation, but something which lot of people feel about it. From the day, I have written, I have been off and on. Also, my workplace is also not helping this thing out. 

For example, this morning I was quite ok. But at the end of the day, I felt
terrible. Thank god the traffic wasn’t that heavy. I reached home soon. I made an effort to play with my both the kids, I kinda forgot the whole sadness. It was a kind of therapy to me.

However, at work I was very depressed. My workplace is a not good place to work. I am looking for a job. But getting a job in Australia is getting harder day by day. At my workplace, everything is chaotic. I have been with this organisation for a year and half and I am already fed up.  I was quite sad when I was driving back home.
Could be, it is a middle age crisis. I want to achieve, but I am hamstrung with this stagnation.
A last question, do you think it will help to visit a psychologist?
Last time I visited one, and I end up spending $175 for each session, and I had 4 sessions. Hence, I bit skeptical about it.

Any guidance will be much appreciated.