Is my depression feeding off my betrayal of love?

[Brent228]

Hi all this is my first time posting. I have recently been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety and I am struggling to find any clarity to the mess constantly in my heads. I am in a relationship of 12 year with two young boys (who I could never live without). I am scared because as hard as I try, I can’t seem to find the love I once had for my partner. It is taking every fibre of my being to feel it and it freezes me to a point of panic but a shell on the outside and the only light I can see or feel in the darkness is for another. This feeling for someone else consumes my every thought and is the only thing that seems clear. I guess what I’m have a lot of trouble with is, is it possible that these new feelings are real and my depression is feeding off my inability to accept I no long love the mother of my children? Or has my depression blinded me.

[geoff]

Hello Brent, and sorry about your thread, but welcome to the forums.

Whether you have fallen in love with this other person, simply because they have attracted your attention or just because you have fallen out of love with your partner or perhaps both only means that as you have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, you have to take care of your own health and wellbeing first.

It is possible for you to fall out of love because you have depression or because they have done this to you, and you are able with this illness to suddenly fall in love with another person, so many to choose from and can be confusing.

People often feel as though they have a connection with another person who is outside their current relationship, because they feel as though they can talk freely to them as well as being drawn by their looks.

I hope you can reply as there are other issues I'd like to discuss,

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Brent228,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out and sharing this mess that you're in.

I don't feel like I know you enough to possibly answer your question, but I do agree with Geoff in that your wellbeing really has to come first. In a sense, how could you possibly know if it is your depression if you can't yet see?

I think it's important to know that even though this stuff may be distressing for you, it's actually a super common thing for people who are depressed to go through. They often question if they're in the wrong relationship, because those feelings of being in love just aren't as strong anymore. A lot of this can have to do with the chemicals and neurotransmitters in our brain - it's not anybody's fault.

I wonder if in the meantime, it's possible to just accept for now that those feelings of love aren't quite as intense, and focus on your general depression and anxiety? If you do still love your wife (underneath this depression), you won't have to try as these feelings will come back, and if you don't - you'll be able to know for sure and have clarity.

RT

[Brent228]

Thanks for the reply. So, last night was pretty dark for me, I had spoken quite a bit with the help line and went home in a good headspace of telling my partner I didn’t know wat the future held but I had to just concentrate on getting myself better and I couldn’t make any decisions. She proceeded to ask if I had been in contact with this other person. I had and couldn’t reply to that question. She pretty well gave up which I don’t blame her and kicked me out. I’m ashamed to say I turned to the bottle for the first time. Now I’m just nearly hanging on. I just feel so exhausted.

[geoff]

Hi Brent, thanks for coming back.

If only we knew what the future held for us, I do wonder whether this would be good or whether it would be disappointing, especially if it didn't suit us.

We always predict what will happen or what we would like to be the case, but sometimes or perhaps on many occasions, other circumstances influence the outcome.

It is fair to say that all or most of us have friends, the same sex or the opposite gender that we associate with but depends on how amicable we are with them.

The bottle may help you numb the situation but it can have irrevocable damage, so please be careful and keep in touch with us.

Take care.

Geoff.