Infuriated, I'm ruined by everyone and even myself!

[Jaibigrone907]

Growing up I didn't like my father because he wasn't ideal. He wasn't involved, encouraging, praising and socially valuable, affectionate, understanding and supportive. He never cared about me achieving my driving, figuring out a life purpose and generally transitioning into a adult. He was selfish, grandiose, and would talk behind your back and think lies are nothing, if you don't know their being told. I also hate his sister I had to know his friend for a little longer than a dozen years when I was going through high school.

I was bullied all during high school and suffering everyday for six years since 2008 until 2013. I hated everyone in the school. I had five extra years of bad mistreating acquaintance toxic relationship's and that lasted until 2018. 

I haven't agreed with my mental health diagnosis that I had since 2012 - 2014 which was a result because of my mistakes. The pharmaceuticals I've been involuntary enforced on are detrimental and I had three years of weight gain, than it lead to some stretch marks and I was compensating and hating against tablet nausea with the old meds. It got even worse being diagnosed with pre diabetes in 2017 and than by 2020 I was having the cholecystectomy with my gallbladder being removed. It's the most un luck that anyone would get, it's literally being murdered with their treating, yet I'm obviously given no compensation, no apologies, no voluntary rights since their a promised myth. I've been destroyed.

To make it worse I have this horrible reality of spirituality, I CAN'T detach, it's connected to the shrinks I was forced to see back in 2021 when I was demanded into having a admission into hospital, despite telling them I was fine and not wanting to go, my general practioner insisted and argued he felt concerned. I just am constantly discriminated about my intelligence in numerous ways internally and made to feel different in negative ways. I can't prove it to anyone, I just know that it's mixed from the American's and my brief hospital visit, I didn't like the psychologist and the psychiatrist I had to experience during those four weeks. They invalidated me and were cold, looking through me as a idiot and spoke to me like I was a child. I told the doctor I didn't agree with my diagnosis. He extended my time for two weeks and than I was on a 9 month community order to get a monthly injection. They see me as a relapse and I was only a voluntary forced admission, I didn't want to go. They generalise me too.

[Earth Girl]

At first I thought you must have just been someone who has gone through similar things to me, but I know that it is you now. You did this to me on another forum as well and it is NOT helpful. If you want to talk to me about something, you should just talk to me directly. You don't know what my relationship with my family is really like, what my life was like or how much progress I've made, you just judge me based on things from a very long time ago and you exaggerate them in a really extreme way.

I never said I was religious. I can believe in heaven and the after life and still not be religious. And I DO have schizophrenia, you have no idea how scary my psychotic episodes were, I thought everyone including my family and psychiatrists were trying to kill me and I had to pretend that everything was okay and try to act as normal and not worried as possible. I did hear voices and see things that weren't really there a few times the first time I had an episode and not all people with schizophrenia hear or see things anyway.

I don't hate anyone and I never said that I did. Hate is a strong word. You also don't know the full story with me and the acquaintances I had, you only know what they have said. I actually liked some of them and thought they were nice, but wasn't feeling the friendship anymore and didn't know how to end it properly. Most of them were nice to me. There was only one friend who I was distancing myself from for 3 years because she wouldn't let go who I didn't like how she treated me and I can't remember when that friendship ended.

I'm not rock bottom now either, my life is really easy these days. I was rock bottom when I was 18.

You say that mental health professionals don't know what they are talking about and that they don't live in my head, but you don't live in my head either.

You have nothing to truly base me on these days anyway so what you are saying is unfair. I'm not attacking you, I'm sticking up for myself.

Could you please stop doing "impressions" of me because it is bullying and doesn't even help. Also, I don't think you would like it if I did this to you.

[Earth Girl]

I also don't understand why you think I only apply for retail jobs? I applied to many jobs other than retail including supermarket jobs, cleaning and office jobs, but I was only successful (when it comes to getting interviews) with retail.

I have a job now, but it's only once a week (long story) and I'm still trying to get more work. It's not that I don't want a job, I'm just finding it really hard to get one. It's hard for most people to get jobs so imagine how hard it would be if you were socially, mentally and a bit physically disabled.