I've tried everything and nothing works long term, i don't know what to do now????

[hopeless_amp_helpless]

Hi there,

I feel like

there is  no hope for me to treat my depression.

I've been on countless Anti-Depressants for the last few years but they only last for a few months & I have to go back to my Psychiatrist and increase the dosage or change to another type. 

This was not only emotionally draining but also financially as it costs around $250 each time I see my Psychiatrist. Thankfully my Mum helped me out on several occasions to pay the fees coz I can't afford it on my own.

This cycle was going on for a couple of years but I would continue to get

bad bouts of depression at least once a month. I suggested to my Psychiatrist that I might have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) which is a condition where a woman has severe depression symptoms, irritability, and tension before menstruation so we tried medication for that also but again it didn't work.

I was also taking something to help me sleep which lasted about a year but then it stopped. I wouldn't sleep for days and I would be absolutely exhausted at work. I'd go through my day like a zombie.

I got so desperate, I resorted to over the counter sleeping pills to help me sleep but again, they didn't really work.

In May this year, I went to Peru to try an extreme form of alternative therapy. This was my last resort to get help and during the 2 weeks I was there and for about a month after, I felt amazing. I really felt like something had shifted in me and I was happy, energetic and enthusiastic about life again.

Now this feeling of elation has worn off and I am right back to where I was before,

feeling depressed, crying all the time, no motivation or energy to do anything and not wanting to socialise with people. I'm also not sleeping again.

I haven't been on any medication for just over 11 weeks but I don't want to go back on Anti-Depressants again & start that cycle all over again.

I've seen 3 Psychologists which was helpful at the time but as soon as my 10 sessions were over, it's like I forgot everything I had learned or something.

I know

I need help but I don't know what else to try?

I don't want it to get to the stage where

I am attempting suicide again, which I've tried three times, 2 earlier this year.

I have my Mum to talk to but she can't really offer any advice & I don't have any friends, I pushed them all away & I don't want to burden anyone. I just ended a friendship with my ex coz I don't want to put him through more crap

Please help I' m desperate....

[Coming_up_roses___]

Please do not abandon hope!!! Stick with antidepressants as a short-term solution, consult a good psychologist (through Community Health) for ongoing support and seek the help of an obstetrician/gynaecologist who will investigate and treat the possible underlying hormonal cause of PMDD or ovarian cycle syndrome...

[lunamimi]

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about your story.

However, i am so proud and admiring you so much for haven't given up on yourself, fighting continuously for this long. And please never think of those thoughts again, you are worthy, so so so worthy... and i know it's so hard to feel like absolutely nothing inside and out, absolutely emptiness...

But please push yourself always, it's the only way and trust that this is the hardest test have given to us as a human being, that you have to believe that once you can over coming this challenge by yourself, without medications, despite nobody seems to understand what you are going through simply because they have never experiencing this, maybe we should also considering ourselves to be lucky to be experience such difficulty or else how would we ever gain this aspect of life experience?

We all know how this feels and how it what effect it capable of causing us. 

I am strongly disbelieving in medications, however I've heard that it does helps but remember... all these medications are temporary, it does not fix the cause of the problem, the roots of your problem so your problem will always keeping growing... 

They are only temporary pain killers just like drugs and alcohol, how they improve or affecting our brains, i don't know but i don't believe in anything that is not natural when it comes to the mind. 

We have to believe in ourselves that we are stronger than this, and that you are not a VICTIM!

You know, i was doing better until i thought about depression again... i forgot that i am depressed and somehow that shifted me away from this thoughts about myself, but as i am digging into it, diagnosing myself as a victim and as the patient of depression that really makes me feel depressed really...

[lunamimi]

continue....

I don't want to tell myself that i have problem? So do you! We are lucky in a misfortunate way that we have to go through this... but if we can get out of this, imagine how many lives we could save, how passionate we would be, how sympathetic we would be as a human being? We would help, and give and we could change somebody's life simply because we didn't give up on ourselves. 

Reason some people can get out and we havent not because we are weak, we are as human beings are completely different to each others and we are also designed genetically differently. Some people have resilience mechanism or hormonal release which helps them to block or cope with difficulties than many people, that is why they got out and we haven't but we will somedays.And you are not alone, i always thought i was the only one person in this whole world feeling this kind of emptiness but there are so many people out there who is suffering the same way, its hard to really get help naturally because naturally only us can help ourself. 

Start to appreciate the simple things around you, the flowers you walked past, the path you are walking on, the food on your table, your beautiful mother being there for you and I'm sure you can find many amazing things in simplicity.

The world is big, but we are facing this problem in our big mind... they say our mind are the universe, we only use 10 percentage of our brain, depression maybe not even 1 percentage. Look at the positive side, help others maybe we will feel better about ourselves. I know, i know exactly how you feel, its easy to say when you can't feel shit let alone happiness or empathy or even sympathy, but we have to fake it until we make it.... it seems to be the only option. 

I felt so deep for you i had to create an account on here to talk to you, maybe not so much of an advice but simply sharing what we can do together to improving this...We are human beings awaiting for our soul to be awaken, and it is only up to us if we allowing ourselves to be more open or closed up...Don't push people away... ❤️ 

[lunamimi]

PS: i know motivation and positive words sounds stupid and may seems like i don't understand what you are going through.

i do, but this is my only solution. I always want to seek for a psychiatrist but i really don't want to be diagnosed i already know. 

Also, i believe in the human mind and spirituality. Its the only way for me to regaining faith and belief in myself is to be positive even when i don't feel it i will push myself a fakes smile and talking good about myself for motivations and setting up goals and plans and working toward it even inside i feel like shit, i fall asleep all the times because i don't have the energy, i can't even beginning to want to talk to people or smile but i will simply be nice even when it feels so uncomfortable. I will do everything opposite to the symptom because i don't want to let this controlling me...

if you understand what i mean, i hope maybe my words may help you some how. 

I was once the happiest girl alive, i know how it was like to fully fully be at bliss and all the sudden going into a dark hole of no hope and helpless. 

But being in the hole by yourself, you are the only resolution to getting back up.

Be strong my friend, life is worthy once we can get out, always have hope and keeping on fighting, when you don't feel like Push and push harder.

Take care.

[tripp34]

hopeless&helpless

Hi

I am hoping you are OK you have not posted anything on here since 2014

I was googling why dont I have any luck in my life when i clicked on it, it was your thread

I read your story and for some unknown reason i joined this site just to talk to you

I can totally relate to your situation

especially feeling depressed, crying all the time, no motivation or energy to do anything and not wanting to socialise with people. and not sleeping

my diagnose hypertension from the doctor hear take these pills

defenitely not hypertension maybe anxiety depression based what i have been researching myself

i have been meaning to book myself into black dog institute to be diagnosed properly there suppose to be the best and will diagnose correctly, there are so many branches that come off the same tree and everyone's situations and personalities are different, we all can not be put under the same catergory eg what medication works for one person does not always work for the next person with same ailment. I am not taking any medication so I have to work extra harder. I will go one day fine or even a week or even a month, and then wham im depressed sad etc, i say to myself in a stern voice in my head pick yourself up and dust yourself off i see myself slap my legs and backside as if i have dust over me im already down the only thing i can do now is get up this seems to make me more stronger within myself. i dont know what triggers it im going to say everything does, fear not sure what im fearing, disappointment in myself/others,let down i don't really care what the reason is , but know im stuck with this its not going to go away so its about how i deal with it ,some things i do to help are not watch the news anymore, i youtube meditation but can only do it for couple of minutes as head thinks too much to stay focused, i do things to try and better myself when i'm in that place of no return

i hope this helps if you want to talk im hear cheers

ps Peru sounded cool

[blondguy]

Hey Tripp34

Welcome and thanks for posting too! It can take a huge amount of strength..Kudos to you!

You are strong to it med free. That takes a heap of courage

I did the same as you for approx 13 years and ended up not being able to sustain self healing anymore

Just in my situation I ended up with being more ill as I got older and my 2 GP's both read me the riot act as I was so anti meds.

Its been 21 years now since then as well as being on a small dosage of an SSRI. (antidepressant) The meds and super regular visits to a counselor gave me my life back 🙂

The meds arent a fix all for sure. They do provide us with a solid platform on which we use your coping mechanisms more effectively to find some peace in our lives

I understand where you are coming from Tripp34. Just my experience on this illness

my kind thoughts and respect for you

Paul

PS: You are more than welcome to create your own thread topic if you wish..then the focus of readers will be on your thread instead of this old thread from 2014. take good care of you..