I should feel happy and grateful for what I have but I don't....

[LostSeraph93]

Hi all, I'm new to the forums even though I've been a frequent visitor to the BeyondBlue site, having used the online chat service numerous times. A bit of background. I'm 23 years of age, I'm a recent graduate from university and I'm currently working full-time. While I've lived much of my life in Sydney. I recently moved back in with the family who are in Sydney after spending 6 months Canberra. It's fair to say that I have a stable and safe home environment

Recently I've been suffering from poor mental health, which surfaced during my time in Canberra, during which I lived by myself. The main problem I have now is that I am unable to express any sense of gratitude or thankfulness for what I have as I focus on the have not's, especially when compared with other people. As a result, my current mood is that I'm quite negative, pessimistic and moody and all too often these days I get a serious case of the blues for no apparent reason. I'll just wake up and feel bummed out or resentful and unhappy about the same old issues. I feel that this is preventing me from living the life I want to have.

My accomplishments now all feel very hollow to me. I graduated within 5 years from law school with a double degree, a D average in my Politics/Social Science studies, completed an extra-curricular program as part of my university degree (the university equivalent of the Duke of Edinburgh program in high schools) and secured a competitive graduate job in my second last semester, among other things but none of them make me feel proud of who I am anymore.

Also I started giving blood donations recently and 2 wks ago I gave plasma and even though I should feel good about the charitable contribution I've made and will continue to make (I intend on being a regular blood donor) I don't....I just dismiss it as "just another thing that I do."

I suppose I'd like to understand better why I'm unable to draw hope and inspiration from my previous accomplishments and what I currently have. Why do I incessantly focus only on what I don't have? It's obvious I don't value or cherish what I have and have done enough. I look back on my recent past through the lens of failure, not success (ie. I feel that I have this sense that I'm now scrambling to make up for lost time) But the thins I really want most right now are: 1) A healthy social life 2) Expanded Social Networks 3) A dating life/relationship experience.

Thanks all for reading this ramble of a post.

[Zeal]

Hi, and welcome to the forum!

I'm also 23, and I'll finish my psych science degree in November this year. I'm applying to do postgrad counselling next year at my uni. You certainly do seem to be doing well with your career, and a distinction average at uni is awesome, so well done! I used to be really hard on myself, but I am happier now than I once was. I've had anxiety (OCD) for 10 years, and it's part of me now to be honest.

It's not that you're thankless - you are feeling unhappy and are experiencing poorer mental health right now. Living alone for 6 months while working would certainly have been a big change. I still live at home, and have been in the same house for 23 years! I lost almost two years of my life to an atypical eating disorder (interacted with my OCD), so achieving milestones such as completing university have been delayed.

You have achieved a great deal academically and with your career progression, but it sounds as though you wish you had social interactions and a relationship. This time two years ago, I would have said I had none of these factors. While I am not naturally a social butterfly, I do have a nice group of friends now. I don't catch up with them individually (except for my boyfriend who I met in this group of people), but it's fun when group catch-ups/events happen. I have been with my boyfriend (second-ever relationship) for 1.5 years now, and we both know we want to be together long-term. I never thought I would meet someone I would love so much and feel such a connection with, but I did. It can happen in situations where you least expect it!

I highly recommend seeing your doctor (GP) for a referral to a counsellor or psychologist. Being able to address these pervasive negative emotions is crucial. If you'd like to talk to someone knowledgeable at any time, you can call beyondblue's 24/7 helpline on 1300 22 4636. ​

It would be great to hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[white knight]

Hi lost, welcome,

A few things stand out to me

Firstly we can't compare ourselves with anyone else. Others might well achieve their double degree and find work and not feel any burnout effect. But they aren't you.

You do have a gift, insight. You are well aware of your negative thoughts and that such thoughts are not productive. So you indeed are a leap ahead.

It might be you need rest. You work so income might not be a barrier to throwing a overnight bag in the boot and slipping away to a country B&B for a weekend.

Write down shirt, medium and long range goals. Set about whittling them down.

Often people in your state don't have a passion. More thought needed there. Focussing on "what I don't have" isn't so abnormal...but get it into proper perspective...some things we want take time and you need to create opportunities yourself like meeting a future partner. Online dating isn't what it used to be, nowadays its much better.

A friend of mine in a similar situation joined a hiking group and badminton the latter us where he met his now fiancee.

Lastly, keep a regular vudut regime with your GP. Being clever, having insight etc can help mask an underlying mental condition as simple as mild depression.

Tony WK

[LostSeraph93]

Hi SM thanks for your response. I'm actually due to see a clinician at Headspace this Tuesday. It's actually not the first time I've had counselling before. From October 2014-July 2015 I also had counselling for depression even though I haven't actually been diagnosed yet. I think that I would benefit from a diagnosis this time around though.

You are indeed very lucky that you've been able to find a good bunch of friends and even your current partner from that same group. What's even more impressive is that you've been able to do this at the same time that you were pursuing a Psych degree which was no easy feat considering that you had OCD and the eating disorder to contend with. It's great that you appear to be doing well given the challenges you've had to deal with in the past. As for me I've had a much more stable environment insofar as I didn't have any major health complications, but even though I've had an easier time of it compared to other people, I've still had to deal with poorer mental health.

You are quite right about the fact that I'm clearly unhappy right now even though I shouldn't really have cause to be. After all I am back in the city where I grew up in and have a good, stable well-paying job. For a long time I thought that would be the answer to all my problems and create the happiness I wanted but clearly this has just been a delusion I concocted to keep me grounded while I got through university. But I look back on what I've done in the past and now I almost feel that it's "not enough" and that I want a life that's different to the one I'd been living in the past. When I consider how I'm feeling compared to others, what I have now just turns to ashes in my mouth.

Regarding your comment about lack of a loving relationships, I have been told by numerous people (from their own experience) that there is someone out there for everyone and that you find someone when you aren't looking or when you least expect it but I can't seem to take comfort in that at all. It all just sounds like "pie in the sky" kind of thinking to me at all and even though I'm so young, I already feel a bit jaded and cynical about it all. I would be alright with this way of thinking if I were more optimistic, forward-looking and hopeful which is where I do want to be though. I'm looking forward to the treatment being able to help me become a more positive person with a greater deal of self-love and self-acceptance because that is what I think I need.

[Zeal]

Hey,

I'm glad you're seeing someone on Tuesday - I hope that goes well 🙂 You're right in saying that a diagnosis would help.

Thank you for your kind words. I studied only two psych intro subjects in 2013 as part of an Arts degree, before I transferred to a psych degree at my uni. Having a stable home environment and support really helped. My environment has always been stable, but unfortunately my mental health hasn't. Poor mental health can affect anyone, regardless of the environment. Having an unstable environment does tend to increase the risk of poor mental health though, and having stable support from others really helps recovery.

With depression, unhappiness stems from the illness (and environmental factors can add to this). Please don't feel that you shouldn't feel so unhappy because others are in tougher situations or are worse off. Thinking this way can lead to you feeling even more down. There are always going to be people who are worse off, but this doesn't change the reality or the significance of your own personal situation.

I can understand why being told vague and hopeful cliques about relationships isn't helpful for you. I used to think my Mum was optimistic in an unrealistic way when she'd tell me that "there's someone out there for everybody". While I am not at the stage of saying that cliqued statement, I can be a romantic at times, and say slightly corny things!

I certainly hope you can develop more self-compassion and self-love as well. That is very valuable.

Seeing your doctor (GP) as well as this Headspace mental health practitioner is a good option. A competent doctor you trust is an asset, and often they can refer you to the right professionals.

Best wishes,

SM