I feel absent and apathetic

[asleep-aardvark]

Hello

I’m really not sure what to do, I feel like most of the time I’m not really alive. I’m going through motions, and detached from everyone and everything. I struggle to find motivation to do anything. 

Then the small rest of time, I feel like I’m overly invested. My emotions feel overwhelming - usually anxiety or sadness. Something seemingly small can set me off and I’m catastrophising and spiralling.

I’ve tried therapy, but it didn’t help because as soon as I leave there’s a window of a few days where I remember about what we discussed. But then it’s like it never happened, it doesn’t occur to me that I can do an exercise or that I should try to do something different. So in the end it was just a huge waste of time.

The same with relationships, it’s like I just don’t remember that people exist and I can talk to them. Or with anything really- I get a rush of energy and start something, but it never goes anywhere.

I really don’t know what to do, because I’m clearly unhappy but I can’t seem to get any motivation or even remember to change anything.

It feels so silly when I write it.

A

[therising]

Hi asleep-aardvark

I feel for you so much as you face what feels almost impossible. Definitely not silly. It can be so incredibly hard to master certain aspects of being human, especially when there are a combination of aspects or challenges involved in certain situations.

Individually, the following look like relatively straight forward things to manage but collectively it can definitely be a different story:

1. Managing being a 'feeler' (someone who has the ability to feel a lot) or a 'sensitive' (someone who has the ability to sense a lot). Not a problem when everything's going well but when a number of really challenging emotions come into play it can be hard managing them and/or making sense of them in a way where even the so called 'negative' ones can become constructive in the way where they're telling or guiding in some way. When you gotta manage how you feel on stop of everything else, it becomes an added challenge
2. Theory vs practice. In theory, certain things appear straight forward but when it comes to practicing what's good in theory (what you read in a book, what the psychologist recommends etc), the struggle can be a major one at times based on a variety of factors. Sometimes the environment we practice in or the people we practice with can make a significant difference. For example, going to the gym each day may be simple in theory (when there are guidelines in place) but when it comes to developing the practice of going to the gym, there may have to be a gym buddy to begin with, until going to the gym becomes a habit we can successfully practice alone
3. Even simple habits can be tough to develop. The simple habit of going to bed at the same time every night sounds pretty straight forward but when a movie comes on that you love just before you're ready for bed (offering you some joy or excitement) or you're so tired to the point where falling asleep on the couch is the #1 habit to break, it's not so simple. 'Atomic Habits' by James Clear helps explain a lot when it comes to why creating habits can be a struggle
4. Self discipline is a skill I'm still trying to master as a 53yo gal and I'm struggling big time. I wasn't really taught skills in self discipline when I was young and never really developed all that many key skills over the years. I'm self disciplined in all the big stuff (getting to work and appointments on time etc) but when it comes to a lot of the little things, it's a different story. The frustration can become intense
5. Trying to create changes with next to no energy and/or a lack of vision. If what we see through our imagination is what helps create a driving force, a lack of vision can equal a lack of drive. Perhaps we've got the vision and drive but not the energy it takes to continue practicing something constructive. Whether it's physical, mental or even soulful kinds of energy that are lacking, it pays to be a detective when it comes to working out what the lack of energy's about and where it's coming from. Sometimes the easiest place to start is with blood tests and a sleep study test. Vitamin, mineral and sleep deficiencies can mess with us something shocking and I say this based on my own experience

I've found, it's only when the reasons for our struggle are made obvious that we can say 'No wonder I was struggling so much'. Making sense of things can be a seriously challenging process at times.