So for the last eight years I feel that along with losing my youth I have just destroyed any hope of ever achieving even the smallest of my once great dreams.
I am a constant job hopper due to hoping that I will finally find a place where I won’t feel like an incompetent embarrassment. I am unreliable due to always being physically ill. I just want to be a reliable and competent employee with consistency but I have never been able to achieve this.
I share a house with an older sibling and accept that they are who they are but I feel like the maid who is treated however they feel depending on how they are feeling. Honestly I am also scared of them . I need cleanliness and organisation to thrive but they constantly mess up my efforts with zero care about the effect it has on me. Yet I am always expected to give way to and be conscientious of anything that may upset them.
My home life greatly affects my physical and mental health but I can’t afford to live on my own unless I can hold down a job which I can’t seem to do due to my home life it’s a constant vicious circle.
I can’t keep existing like this but I also can see no way out. I feel like I have exhausted myself with trying and just feel like a waste of a life.
I honestly hate myself for what I have done to my life.
