How do you do it

[Wondrous]

I want to know HOW do you get better.
I know what to do to get better. I know that I need to eat well and regularly, I know that I need to exercise and get out in the sun and fresh air. I know that I should journal or meditate or read or find a hobby. I know that I should get off my phone and social media. I know I should socialise. I know I should be mindful and positive. I know that I should clean and organise because living in a clean and organised house makes me feel calm. I know that I should shower and look after myself properly, I should take the time to dress nice and put myself together so I feel put together. I know all this. I know that I should take it slow and allow myself grace when it doesn't go as planned and I should not expect too much of myself all at once. I know this. Im not asking WHAT I need to do. Im asking HOW do I do it. HOW do I get out of bed and into the shower? HOW do I find the energy to make myself breakfast and then go for a walk? HOW do I put into practice the things I know I need to do? I am unable to keep living the way I am but I am also unable to do anything about it. I always just end up back in bed after doing the absolute bare minimum required of me.

[Amanda2000]

Hi Wondrous,

Yes I completely understand! How do you put the theory into practice, right? There's so much general info out there. For me the info-overload creates stress, so I just try to keep things simple and not attempt to do it all.

When I wake up every morning, it's like "here we go again". But then I tell myself .... if I get up, I can go eat chocolate! Can you think of something small that you enjoy doing just to get you out of bed?

Now that I'm out of bed, I just try to focus my mind on what I need to do to get to the next step. Don't think about it, just do it! Go to the kitchen, open the cupboard, get the cereal, pour into the bowl etc. And of course, eat my chocolate at the end which is my ultimate goal.

It helps me to break down the day and just think 1 step at a time. Would this work for you? Start with the bare minimum and then you add 1 thing/task each day. Give it a try.

[sunnyl20]

Hi Wondrous,

Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry to hear things are feeling difficult. It is understandable that all these changes feel overwhelming. I would really encourage you to try to break that list down into more manageable pieces. You've said that you are "unable to do anything about it" - can you identify what it is that's stopping you? From what you've listed, is there anything that sounds more achievable? Even just one or two very small changes to introduce slowly? Out of what you have listed, which are most important to you, or things that you want to change more urgently?

It may also be worth thinking about why you want to change. Even writing a list of reasons that you can focus on when things feel too much and you want to withdraw, you can refer back to why you started in the first place and why you want to keep pushing forward. You've mentioned that you feel unable to keep living the way you are living, can you use that as motivation to change? Planning your day, creating a routine, creating new habits can also be helpful.

Unfortunately there is no quick fix, I don't know what the solution is to find that energy to make the changes that you've identified, but I think sometimes you just have to start small, be realistic with your expectations of yourself and know that a lot of the time, you won't feel like it but you will just have to do it anyway. It will probably feel like a huge effort, progress might feel slow or difficult or stagnant, but you have to do something to short circuit the cycle that you're stuck in.

I'm sorry if this was not much help. There is no quick fix. It can be hard sometimes to find the energy and motivation when you need it. But please know we are here to listen and support you. Take care.

[therising]

Hi Wondrous

I really feel for you so much. It's almost torturous at times when we know exactly what we need to do but are relying heavily on the energy it can sometimes take to find the best in our self and it just doesn't seem to be there. How to find the energy when it's just not there. I've personally found the most important question on the quest for greater energy is 'Why is it not there?' It's one thing to focus on the energy boosting aspects of life, like with the list of things you know you should be doing, it's another thing to pinpoint how we got to the stage of having little energy.

• Who or what can be draining us?
• Are there any underlying medical issues that may need consideration, such as B12 or iron deficiency, sleep apnea, the challenging chemistry of depression that can feel undeniably draining and so on? Maybe chronic fatigue begs the question 'What has been continuously fatiguing me to the point where I can now feel it on such a deep level?'
• Is there a lack of significant people around us who have the ability to raise us to a different perception as well as raising us to find a management plan that actually works? Strange when you think about it but significant inspiration actually generates energy.

Figuring out why the energy's not there can help with making a clearer management plan for turning things around. For example, someone can be fighting an impossible battle with trying to eat right, exercise, think positively etc but if the issue is sleep apnea, nothing will make a significant difference until the sleep side of things is addressed. If it's poor diet that is the culprit, we can be feeling the impact on a number of levels when it comes to a protein deficiency perhaps. Dehydration can also do quite a number on our cells. I suppose you could say that if it's our cells that hold or store and process energy, what is charging our cells or influencing the way they're behaving?

Wondering if you know the reason/s for such overwhelming fatigue. Also wondering if you're interested in looking at things from an energy perspective (how we're powered) more so than the perspective of what you think you should be doing. Are you up for some wondering, when it comes to wondering about what makes you tick on a physical, mental and natural level and how these things interact. This could be a different way of approaching life altering goals and reformation/personal evolution. Just a thought.

🙂

[geoff]

Hello Wondrous, and a warm welcome.

The question you are asking is something many of us have had to experience ourselves, while some are determined to push ourselves the limit to try and make us feel as though we're comfortable in doing something we had never wanted to do to break this continuous monologue going through our mind that makes us have depression in any form, and yes, sometimes people are able to achieve this, while other times it's just impossible.

We've been told by people including our doctors/psych's that by walking around the block, taking the dog for a walk will do wonders for our mood, but how can you do this when you have no inclination, forcing yourself may work for a day or two, but eventually you wonder why, simply because that's not what you want to do.

You can change all these external things keeping you in depression because you think changing the outside would change the inside, but it won't unless you feel a need to, however, this doesn't mean you have to walk 10kms or tidy up the whole house all in one go because it won't happen, so take it slowly, a bit by bit, even it's just to clean the kitchen sink, this may stimulate the mind to do something else.

If another person forces you to do what you don't want to do, this will only increase your resistance and hope that person doesn't arrive tomorrow.

Your bare minimum is imperative to understand what you are physically capable of doing, if you push yourself into doing what is expected of you by other people, may create other problems and you will know when it's time to achieve something you have avoided, all it takes is a small spark.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[ecomama]

Hey Wondrous

Welcome to the forums!

I noticed how many "shoulds" you had in your initial post!!! Omg so many.

Notice when you say "I'm shoulding on myself", how that sounds and that's exactly what it feels like too.
"should" is banned in our house lol.

Replace should with could and you might feel more empowered.

You have the FREEDOM TO do those things or NOT.

YOU are the captain of your life.
YOU can choose.

The only person it really effects is YOU, and those who are missing out on the wondrous person you are of course, so it's all up to you.

Others have given you lots of beautiful food for thought!

It's 'only' your thoughts holding you back atm.

So, IF YOU want a truly wondrous life and to engage with others and reach some goals, then you can either DO those things you listed or not.

Totally up to you.

Love EM