How can you be patient with this pain?

[AstroRug]

Hi guys

I've written on this forum before - once when I was despairing, once when I thought I was recovering.  My recovery lasted about 1 week and then I came down hard.  Since then I have been in bad pain.  I'm writing again because your kind words really helped last time.  

I've sought and received a lot of help over the last 10 years.  I'm usually able to respond pretty well to treatment and advice and so I used to think my illness was well-managed or at least well-tolerated. 

But something changed last year.  Perhaps because I no longer had the security of a good job, or the comfort of living in my home city or had a very supportive girlfriend, but when another episode commenced in about August, I have never been more frightened.  

 The last 12 months have been a long series of debilitating lows, fused with painful anxiety.  

Right now I'm in the middle of a horrible low.  I have been told to be patient.  I'm really struggling with this.  How can you be patient with horrible pain?  I feels like I'm sitting on a hot plate and being asked to stay still.   I have this deep pain in my chest and in the back of my head.  It feels both empty and tight, kind of like a black hole sucking everything into nothingness.  To give a final analogy, it feels like I am wrapped up in barbed wire - if I stay still it hurts, if I move it also hurts - maybe more.  

 I know I need to be patient, but how can I be patient with this when it just hurts?  

 I would really appreciate any advice you guys might have

Thanks guys 

[CrashCoyote]

Hi AstroRug,

I do not suffer anxiety but my ex of seven years did. I tried everything to hold it together for us but in the end it fell apart. She used to tell me that she loved me but when she thought of the commitment I wanted, it felt like electricity was running out her fingertips and she'd get very anxious.

That was a long time ago.

Can I suggest you see your GP with a view to getting a mental health plan. S/he will know all about it. It might be a good starting place.

You don't have to be patient. It won't fix itself.

Kind regards, John.

[geoff]

dear AstroRug, I do remember your user name and thanks for returning to us.

The old saying 'be patient' is a load of croak, and it's often said by people who have never had to go through this horrible illness, so they have no idea what's so ever.

All of what you have mentioned is absolutely understandable, we all know because we have been through exactly the same as you, and there are no words which would be allowed to be printed to actually say what we want to say.

I would tend to say that the 1 week was just luck, it can't really be taken as a recovery, maybe you could say that you felt a bit better, because with depression we can have ups and downs, but the downs go much lower than any high goes up.

Perhaps this is a welcome reply and to let you know we are listening, and from what you have written there is so much involved in what you have posted, so please it would be great to hear back from you. Geoff.