Hopeful

[dubrovnik]

Hello

I am a middle aged woman (young at heart) live on my own, I broke up from my ex partner 3 years ago, I have no children. (Unfortunately I couldn’t have children)

I am feeling depressed, I have suffered from anxiety & depression for years. I always put on a brave face so nobody will see my sadness. I get so sick and tired of people who say ‘snap out of it’. ‘Cheer up’ a former friend used to say that to me a lot, she said I was feeling sorry for myself etc. I told her off!

I am very unselfish, I have always put other people first, family & friends. When I want time for myself I get told that I am selfish. That really irritates me.

one thing that I like about lockdown is that it’s a good excuse not to be sociable etc.

i love going out for coffee, dinner and the movies. I don’t go to pubs, clubs and bars, occasionally I will go to a club with friends to see a show, music or go out for lunch,
I don’t smoke, only drink socially, don’t gamble. I have been called boring which really hurt my feelings.

I have been hurt & betrayed by friends & relationships which made me develop trust issues.

thank you for reading this.

[Sophia16]

Hey,

I just want to say, that you sound like such a strong and amazing woman. Not having children does not define you.

I am sorry that your friends have called you boring because you have different interests than them. Don't get peer pressured by something that will not be useful in your life.

Friends are supposed to love you no matter what you look like, what you wear, what you like and what your past is. If your friends aren't like that, then I'm sorry but they're not worth your effort.

I am sure that you are able to make friends who truly love you for who you are. Developing trust issues is completely normal in your situation. it will take a lot of time and new experiences to help you get over it.

Seeing a professional can really help you.

Please stay safe and I am here to chat if you need me.

[Positive_vibes89]

Dear dubrovnik,

Sorry to hear about your past experiences. People do not have the capacity to understand how a person feels sometimes, especially when it leads to depression and anxiety. What many do not understand is that it is something that a person cannot immediately snap out of at will. Have you seen a GP to go onto some medication and a mental health plan? Speaking to a psychologist who understands the manifestions of depression would be an excellent support mechanisum for you or just calling up the beyond blue phone line 1300 224 636.

Giving yourself some time alone is not selfish, you are looking after yourself. I am a beliver that if you do not look after yourself, nobody else will. Know this too opinions of others related to yourself are not valid! The most important thing is what you think of yourself. If you enjoy doing all those things you say, who cares what others think! And you should not feel belittled. If you do feel like your friends are not valuing you for all of you as a person, maybe its time to consider making some new friends or just seeing them less frequently.

Love yourself! thats the most important thing. What others say is just complete rubbish. You are you. And being you is beautiful!

[Guest_1643]

Hi Dubrovnik, great post. I struggle in similar ways, feel alone, not much in terms of family love or support.

I think Ur spot on in Ur assessment, Ur unselfish, and ppl misunderstand mh, good on u for telling that friend off. Unfortunately, her stance on needing to work on mh, as a selfish act, is not fair, or factually accurate.

I spoke to a therapist once who told me on first meeting that it was glaringly obvious that I put others before myself. It rang in my ears ever since, resonating. I realised that I didn't know how to love and value myself, and felt more comfortable loving and valuing others. It's a journey still. I have ptsd, and I struggle to like and care for myself.

just wanted to let u know many ppl here have spoken about feeling as u do now, this is a shared problem.

There is a great section on the forums of threads related to ptsd, they might be of interest to u?

Warm welcome, lovely having u here,

[dubrovnik]

Hello

thank you for your reply & for your kind words & support.

Before lockdown I started not going to certain family functions & get togethers with certain people, sounds a little unsociable but this is for my self protection.

Thank you

[dubrovnik]

Hello

thank you for your lovely message & kind words & support. Apologies for the late reply. I feel a little better reading your message & other people’s messages, it’s good to know that there is support and to know that I am not alone.

Thank you

[Sophia16]

If that is what helps improve your mental health then yes. I think that's amazing

[dubrovnik]

Hello

thank you for lovely message & support.

it’s good to know that we am not alone with this, I have spent too many years looking after other people before myself,

it reality effected me in many ways.

I no longer speak to those people,

I am speaking to a psychologist, it’s great to speak to somebody.

Thank you

thank

[Positive_vibes89]

Dear Dubrovnik,

I am really pleased to see that you are feeling better and have gained some support from the forum. Well done for seeking out a psychiatrist, I am happy to hear they they are helping you. I hope you are doing well and enjoying your solidarity still. All the best.