Highly Sensitive People (HSP)

[white knight]

Are you sensitive? If so you might be in the range of a HSP. Studies show up to 15-30% of people could fall into this category. And I thought I was alone!

Have you had the comments

”you should toughen up”

”don’t be so sensitive”

Yet these people don’t realise that your sensitivity is part of you, your personality. It’s like you suggesting they grow shorter as “you are too tall” How absurd.

Sensitive people have strong inner feelings, can be creative in things like writing, like to help other people or animals and generally care deeply in their convictions.

So people that criticise us are in effect bullying us to be someone we are not. If possible stand up for yourself because sure as yabbies bite your toes, if you don’t then you’ll be walked over.

We cant all be without sensitivity, we can’t all be low in emotion... not everyone is a highly sensitive person, if they were they’d understand how our world is full of inner feelings and also wonderful in a strange way because we “feel” and that my friend is priceless...

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi TonyWK

I believe insensitive people don't fully understand the incredibly abilities of highly sensitive people. Take that McDonalds incident for example - Not only were you sensitive enough to feel the upset in that girl but also sensitive enough to feel what must be said, to both her and the manager. I've found one of the toughest things about being sensitive has involved the development of trust. To trust natural inspiration or what comes to mind was often, for me, suppressed for so many years based on those destructive mantras 'What will people think of me if I speak up?' and 'How will people reject me if I express my natural self?' I believe it's so important to trust both inspiration and our natural self. This trust can prove both mind altering and life changing.

I imagine you would have thrived working in a prison system that was intensely based on highly effective reform. I imagine you would have inspired many on their path of reformation. You must have witnessed many faults in the prison system that did not allow or encourage true reformation to take place. My brother, who's a uni educator, mentioned to me the fact that it's an almost impossible feat to reform a system with so many up there at the top blocking your every move, based on their own agenda. Whether it's the prison system or the education system this fact can become angering, especially when you see others suffer through such insanity and a lack of sensitivity to what must be changed.

I can easily imagine that girl at McDonalds has thought of you fondly since you spoke to her. I imagine she thinks of you as 'That really nice person who made a difference'. She was blessed to have you there in that moment. Let's hope you opened the mind of that manager 🙂

[white knight]

Hi the rising

Re: " My brother, who's a uni educator, mentioned to me the fact that it's an almost impossible feat to reform a system with so many up there at the top blocking your every move

I learned individuals cannot change a system entrenched. But to feed the minds of those that crave advise is most satisfying.

One prisoner well call Max would not respond to his surname which was the rule. Officers tried everything to get him to mop a floor by addressing him by his surname.

While those officers had lunch I whispered in Max's ear "will you please mop the floor Max" He did. Tension rose with my colleagues when they saw him mopping but too bad.

That was 1977, a 21yo warder was, unaware what he was doing, introducing some humanity, reason and efficiency in a world set in their controlling ways.

HSP has been around since Adam was a boy but prior to a few decades ago sensitivity in men was suppressed, you either hid it or one exposed ones vulnerability.

No wonder I have more female friends. My HSP is my feminine side and I'm blessed.

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi TonyWK

With all my heart, I do believe you are a natural born raiser. You're here to raise others. You're such an inspiring person. Even Max would have felt that.

Yes, one person at a time seems to be the way to go. My brother's advice was 'If you want to change things, begin planting the seeds of change in the minds of the next generation'. The seed you planted in the mind of the young worker at McDonald's may have been 'I am worthy of respect, consideration and kindness', as opposed to 'I am worthless in this job'. Who will she go onto be, with that seed you planted in her mind?

I have so much compassion for men. It's typically been relatively easy for women to vent stress and disappointment throughout the years. We cry and it's accepted. We cry and we're given compassion. We're even encouraged to vent in such a way. Men have been degraded into keeping such stress in, labeled 'weak' if they vent through such emotion. 'Do not vent, keep your dis-ease in' has almost been the mantra for men. As more sensitive boys and men are produced in the future, I cannot help but wonder whether they will come to live just as long as women, with less dis-ease and tension in their body.

I encourage my son to be more sensitive, exercise his super natural ability. Sense if someone's bringing you down, depressing you or draining you and then consider how you'll manage your relationship with them. Sense if someone is in desperate need of support and be a support for them. Sense who is inspiring you without an agenda. Get a sense of where an opportunity is going to lead you. Being a serious daydreamer, I also encourage him to sense excitement through visions of the future he dreams of. So much sensitivity or you could say 'sense activity'. It is my goal to have my kids feel their way through life to some degree and manage their feelings without suppressing them. I imagine you'd agree that sometimes feelings need a filter, not free expression. If I want to keep my job, I'm not going to freely vent at my boss when I feel the need to. Self control is also an ability to be mastered 🙂

I do believe you would make a brilliant mentor for young men, an inspirational guiding light with much experience in life. Have you ever looked into mentoring programs?

🙂

[Niks85]

I love this topic because I relate to it well. Has anyone read the book The highly sensitive person by Elaine N Aron it really helped me all those years ago. Sensitivity is definitely a strength in alot of ways

[white knight]

Hi Niki,

Sorry, I have read only about 3-4 books in my life, no patience for them but it's good to recommend them. Re: Sensitivity is definitely a strength in alot of ways". I agree and it can make one a wonderful worker too in the right job eg nursing, zoo keeper etc. Half the battle is knowing you're sensitive and wher eit originates from eg

https://healthyfamilies.beyondblue.org.au/seeking-support/helping-yourself-and-others/online-forums/depression/depression-and-sensitivity---a-connection-

love your input here.

The Rising,

I was actually a negative thinker until 1982 at 25yo. I attended a motivation lecture and 30 minutes later I never thought negative at all. It's highlighted here-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life

Even depression I see positives, artistic, deep feelings, consideration and so on, many qualities that dont come with everyone.

I also have dysthymia and along with bipolar they combine to give me a life of crying back when younger. You are right, being a male my tears on a hilltop likely started waterfalls below. Been on meds now for 12 years and along with more maturity the tears have all but stopped. So, I've now developed into a man that's knowledge and life experiences give me great confidence. A mentor? well with my illnesses I am not only a sufferer of stress but I have to limit my person to person face to face contacts. That's why this forum is home to me.

Re: "I encourage my son to be more sensitive, exercise his super natural ability. Sense if someone's bringing you down, depressing you or draining you and then consider how you'll manage your relationship with them." Boy I wish I had a mum like you.

Re "I imagine you'd agree that sometimes feelings need a filter, not free expression. Exactly, we need self control and adaptation. Unfortunately my HSP is still present and get easily offended by the less than perfect tone of someones reply. I've managed some recourse of this - to always refer back to the "offender" to seek their real meaning of their comment only to be told 95% of the time "Oh, I didnt mean it like that." Then there is early conclusion which is the aim. "Nip it in the bud" works very well with HSP.

The other problem HSP gives is that is others become very accustomed to our sensitivity they will blame any event where we raise our voices to "you're being over sensitive again"...often when I have reason to be at the level of sensitivity I feel.

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi TonyWK

It's liberating when you find ways to master sensitivity. I see you have a number of ways, including leading people to be more conscious in how they speak. It brings me joy to hear this. Do you find it amazing when it comes to the number of people who don't take responsibility for how they address others, how many prefer to turn the whole thing around. Yes, how many highly sensitive people are all too familiar with the phrase 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up!' Can't help but think at times, when I come across particularly rude folk who say this, 'Yes I'm so super sensitive that I can sense an a-hole when I come across one. They tend to spout nothing but poop'. Sorry, a bit crass but I hope you got a laugh out of it 🙂

It took me quite a number of years, after coming out of depression, to understand what a large part of it was about. It was about a lack. You could say it involved a lack of things or people that brought me true joy, excitement, inspiration, self understanding, philosophy, a more open mind, the support I would have thrived through, great hope and so on. I will forever be grateful to 2 of a small number of people who brought me back to life, my kids. This is one of the reasons why I try so hard to raise them to be more sensitive and aware. It's one of the ways in which I love and bring them to life. I never want them to have to suffer depression.

I wonder whether highly sensitive people naturally question a lot. I can't help but wonder. I feel a lot of revelations come through questioning. Why is that person so rude and thoughtless? Why do they speak to me this way? Why do I react the way I do? I often question myself, constructively these days. Sometimes wonder brings astonishment when revelations come to mind. Ahh, that person's so rude and thoughtless because they're surrounded by enablers. This person speaks to me like this because I am one of the enablers. I react this way because I was raised to be a people pleaser. That's why I don't speak up. Oh my gosh, I've been a people pleaser the whole of my life. How did I not see that? I remember when I 1st had this mind altering revelation. Having become a bit of a trouble maker over time, I've come to have moments where I think 'Let's see how this person treats me if I don't please them'. The outcome's easy to predict. Testing people around you can be a great natural self esteem booster esp when you can predict the outcome. You could say HSPs are visionaries 🙂

[white knight]

Hi the rising

I understand you, although understandably we are all over sensitive to different topic/reaction/comments etc.

For myself my top trigger is selfishness. Considering other people before myself was taught to me. Talk about a grand enabler!

AAfter much hurt from giving to others and placing them on a pedestal only to realise that such consideration would not be reciprocated I was stumped....aren't all people considerate? No, in fact that illusion was only one of many things not the same so the wide spread of behaviours of humans began to sink in, including sensitivity.

Men are lions, prepared for battle more physically in the past now mainly sharp piercing words of today. My over the top acts of consideration is not realistic, it's on the extreme end of the scale inviting capitalisation on my vulnerability. Things had to change and that came about around 20 years ago. I decided my HSP would never change so my strategy would be, not to get sad but to confront these aggressors in a measured but equally determined manner with an addition of wit.

It has worked. If I am now still sensitive but will equalise any unfair treatment vocally, even with volume. In a lions world this isn't preferable but necessary.

I might point out that my late brother took his life at 26yo and was a HSP.

The challenge for a parent of HSP children is real. Yes, teaching to embrace themselves for whom they are with that balance of an effective measured defence. Finally, post confrontation to learn not to feel guilt which is something I haven't mastered.

Re: " I will forever be grateful to 2 of a small number of people who brought me back to life, my kids. This is one of the reasons why I try so hard to raise them to be more sensitive and aware. It's one of the ways in which I love and bring them to life. I never want them to have to suffer depression."

The problem is, try as you may, it can happen. My daughter now 32yo was a good teacher also HSP and broke down at 26yo with depression bipolar and PTSD. She can never work as a teacher again. I recognised all my illnesses in her as she became an adult. Prior to that she was teary eyed too easily but dad's think daughter's always are. My point being, I couldn't sway her to stand her ground as I've explained.

I agree with your angle of choosing the right people to share your life around. I covered the process of screening, using a filter, to make sure they weren't going to damage me in the thread "fortress of survival"

TonyWK

[therising]

Hi Tony

While I can only imagine the pain of losing my brother and watching my daughter struggle so deeply with mental health challenges, what I imagine would not come close to the true extent of the pain you've felt. My heart truly goes out to you.

You're right, there are definitely no guarantees people will not face mental health issues throughout their life. I suppose the best we can do is gather tools for mental health along the way. Wit is definitely a great tool. I've found another to involve imagination and wonder. By the way, when it comes to that sense of guilt, I've managed over time to develop the mantra 'Who do I want to be?', when I meet with guilt. Guilt's become my 'signpost' of consciousness. For example, if someone asks me to squeeze a favour for them into an already busy day and I start to feel guilt if I can't, Who do I want to be?' becomes the question. The answer 'I want to be someone who does not invite stress into my mind, body and life'. Once I decide I want to be this person, I apologise for not having the times to help them. If it's an emergency, 'I am someone who shifts my priorities in order to help this person'. This means I can't feel guilt as I take 'shopping for my family' off my list.

May sound insane but I do believe the subject of imagination and wonder should be taught in school, things we're naturally born with. If we don't know how they work, life can become incredibly depressing. With imagination and wonder being 2 of the most powerful abilities we have, to a degree they influence our chemistry and our path. What mental chemistry do we produce or not produce if we're led to imagine complete hopelessness forever, simply wondering if we'll ever escape it? What about a world we're led to imagine the worst, wondering if we'll ever find the best in it? What chemistry do we produce if we are easily led to imagine a world which is filled with incredible hope, a world where sensitive people become the norm, a world where we just don't 'fit in' but flourish? What chemistry do we produce when beginning wondering how to bring this into reality? I passionately dislike the media because they mess with both our vision of the future and our chemistry. They're fear mongers, stirring up the chemistry of fear and anxiety. I'm sensitive to mainstream media which is why I manage having little to do with it.

Mess with the imagination and wonder in a child and then watch them lose their ability to visualise or channel a difference.

🙂

[white knight]

Hi the rising

...a world where sensitive people are the norm". That, I'd like to see.

The problem with highly sensitive people is that along with a mental illness people will always blame you for becoming upset. There is rarely a situation whereby the person doing the upsetting reflects upon their words or even tone.

It's all our fault

TonyWK

[Frangepani]

Hi im an extreme empath excessively highly sensitive. I would like to know how you cope out there in life and not be so affected by other peoples energies. Please let me know very curious.