Hello! Struggling with the diagnosis of bipolar 2 disorder

[Emmyay]

Hi, I’m new here.

I’ve just been diagnosed with bipolar 2 and have started on medication. The diagnosis is a relief and a disappointment at the same time.

I’m finding it hard to make sense of my life & am becoming fixated on all of the horrible moments in my past due to this condition. It pains me very much & I feel so sad. I cry about it every day. I’ve been struggling with this for 27 years & I suppose I’m grieving for the life I could’ve had & the person I could’ve been without bipolar 2.

Even though I’m sad, I don’t feel sorry for myself. I know that a lot of people have it much worse than I do & I have so much to be grateful for. I just feel like I can’t talk to anybody about it. My parents brushed it off & my husband doesn’t understand why I’m so sad. He is very supportive & positive though.

Unfortunately, while I have lots of friends, I don’t have any close friends that I can talk about this with. I’m not close enough to any of them to burden them with these difficult emotions & thoughts.

So, that’s why I’m writing this post. Just to feel heard & perhaps to be understood a little. I appreciate anyone making the time & effort to read this.

Thank you,

Emmyay

[JollyDown]

Hi there

I have also had my world rocked with a very recent diagnosis of Bipolar 2. I have also been struggling with it for many years, possibly 35 years or so. So we can be like bipolar buddies 😊😊.

I just wrote my first post - Physician Heal Thyself 😉.

Good luck, deep breathes. You must be a pretty amazing person to have survived kinda on your own for so long!!!!!

[MsPurple]

Hi Emmyay and welcome to the forums

I know how scary, stressful, relieving and liberating having a diagnosis can be. It can be a lot of emotions at once. When I was told I had GAD I was a bit stressed by it, but once I looked into it and was educated about it by my team I finally felt relieved as I understood what was happening to me. I know it can be hard to accept, but at the same time it is good to have an understanding of what is happening.

My mum has bipolar. I am not sure if it is type 1 or 2 (when she was diagnosed I don't think they focused on it, plus she hasn't had the urge to ask). She struggled for years in denial, then once she accpeted it and go the correct help her life became so much better for her. She lives a happy and successful life. Bipolar is managable. The movies unfortunately do not do it justice and they seem to focus on people who are unmanaged and still very ill (like physical illness the severity verys between person to person).

I want to welcome you to beyond blue forums. It would be good to get to know you more. Let us know if you have any questions

[candyman]

Hi Emmyay

I too have recently been diagnosed with BP2 (only about 6 months ago) and have been going through the exact same thing. It can be very difficult to take all of the new information on board. The thing I found the most difficult is feeling like you've been given a life sentence with your diagnosis. I also feel the same way in that I do have many close friends but I would feel very guilty if I unloaded all the negative feelings I had onto them.

All that being said, there are many examples of people living quite successful lives with the disorder and I've heard that we're usually more creative than most people!

My best advice is to make sure you form a good support network with your doctor and psychiatrist and don't be afraid to seek help when you need it. It's all about getting that balance of medication, healthy lifestyle and stability that will allow you to survive and thrive. Just remember you're not alone in this and you've already made it this far which takes a lot of strength!

Keep safe and look after yourself 🙂

[Eddiemay]

Hello emmyay i feel i know what you are going through right now. I was diagnosed 7 years ago with bipolat 2 after most likely having had the condition for more than 30 years.

I was given anti depressants, went to counselling and still lived this roller coaster life. I two felt sad for the loss of past opportunities left unrealized, of lost relationships due to my mood swings, including damaged relationship with a child.

Emmyay once you have had time to come to terms and especially your understanding of this condition then a new life and new opportunities will open up. Yes it maybe something we will have to manage all our lifetime but we can manage with help and somehow you will always find the strength to carry on.

You are lucky to have a supportive partner, so stay honest and open with him re your feelings. Sometimes its enough just to say "today i feel sad or overwhelmed or i need help".

I have found over time that i can manage my condition by following the advise of my doctor.

1. Eat right, keep weight down

2. Exercise daily. When its hard make a deal that you will do 5mts every 1hour.

3. Be social, join a club. Socializing and having a laugh is great.

4. Learn relaxation techniques.

5. Journal your feelings, then after a few months go back and read sometimes it helps you to learn your triggers. You can address these with help of your counsellor.

6. Dont alter or stop your medication without discussing with your doctor, the side effects can be awful.

I hope some of this has been helpful, most of all emmyay remember to be kind to yourself and remember enjoy all life has to offer.

[Yelmel]

Hi Emmyay,

I have been trying to understand my bipolar II diagnosis for the last 9 months, and it's relieving to know I'm not the only one who has fixated on the extremes of my life due to the disorder.
With my growing understanding of the effect of this disorder, I don't feel like I can stop blaming myself for my strings of poor decisions, but I can understand why I ended up in such horrible situations. And hopefully this diagnosis helps people like us to understand and prevent future mistakes like these.

I hope your treatment is working for you, and this diagnosis has been a blessing to help you over this past year.

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone reading

Yelmel,

Thnaks for your helpful post.

I understnad now it can be hard learning to understand what the diagnosis means to you. I have lived with my bipolar for over 40 years and I know it is hard to stop blaming myself for poor choices I made over 35 years ago.

i find the more you leran to accept yourself and not blaming yourself you will learn what works for you . Also being aware of what stresses you and what you need to do to keep well.

If you and anyone reading who has bipolar or has anyone with a loved one with bipolar

have a look at This bipolar life. it is a supportive thread with friendly people.

Quirky

[Real_me]

Hi Emmyay,

Sorry in advance for the long response but I thought maybe telling you some of my story may help 🙂

I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 about 9 years ago (and PTSD about 5 years ago). The diagnosis initially came as a shock to me but as I thought about it more, having a classification came as a relief as I now understood why I felt certain ways or did certain things. However I hid my condition from everyone due to perceived public stigma such as thinking people would judge me negatively and avoid me. I didn't feel like I had any close friends to talk about it with anyway. This lead to my condition getting worse and eventually I hit a crisis point. During my crisis I decided to tell all my family and friends about my health concerns as I felt I owed them an explanation after driving them away. It was the best thing I ever did. My friends and family have become a great support structure for me and by telling multiple people I don't feel like I am burdening all my issues onto one person weighing them down.

Another thing I found extremely useful was developing a routine. Before I did this during lows I would tend just stay at home, sleep most the day, not go to bed until 3 or 4am and put on a heap of weight. During highs I would barely sleep, waste lots of money and had a few deviant behaviors (that I would prefer not to detail). Initially I tried making a routine with a job, which helped a bit. But the routine I actually found the best was going to university to study psychology. By studying psychology I have learnt a lot about myself. It has also helped me to develop a goal in life which is to become a research psychologist specializing in helping kids with mental health concerns. Having a goal in life makes me feel like I have a real reason for being again and not like I should pity myself or that I am a waste.

As others have said please don't stop or change the medication suddenly without medical supervision. My crisis occurred after doing that and it landed me in hospital.

Find a psychologist you can connect with and keep seeing them even if you feel like you are not improving. Improvement will only properly occur when you are ready for it to. We often lie to ourselves and say we are ready to change but really are not.

Be selfish and think about your health. It sounds like you are putting others needs above your own. You are just as important if not more important than they are.

At the end of the day remember things get better with time 🙂

[Tanzi Bee]

Good on you. I feel just like you do. I’m 60 and just been out in mood stabilisers after a doctor finally looked out of the depression box and asked the right questions. It’s very clear that more education is needed so we don’t have to grieve for the life behind us. Me, I’m now trying to make every day count and not have my condition at the front of my mind, more about being the best me I can be in the right medication and showing the small amount of people who know that I am mis OK, mystery solved. Unfortunately until society become educated on BP2 and it’s clear differences to Bipolar1 or even Schizophrenia, I don’t feel comfortable about having a parade to announce it lol. I like that people like me. I don’t want to scare them off. So until the day people can accept BO2 is really no biggy for me. I’ll be quiet 🤫 for now 🌻

[PhilK]

I got diagnosed about 5 years ago. Yep all those feelings or replaying bits of your life and wondering if it was "you" making those decisions or some mental illness are, I think, common. Eventually I hope you'll come to terms with them. There's nothing you can do about the past so in a way, having an explanation for why you made some decisions might be reassuring.

What I can say from my experience is that those feelings subside.

It might be worth having a look for local support groups you could attend and discuss with people who understand, independent of any other treatment you may decide on. There's also a lot of videos on YouTube you may find of interest, and more real-time "chatty" places online that you might like.

And that's another thing - if you seek any form of treatment remember it's your treatment. If you don't like it, don't be afraid to try something else. For me, medication is key, but it's taken quite some time to find a combination that works for me, and I know it'll maybe need tweaking as times change.