Heavy 4 months - Cheated on, her family death, pregnancy, abortion and off and on again

[Wanttobebetter]

Hi all,

Have just had a super heavy few months.

In November I had a shoulder reconstruction with 6 months recovery time taking me away from the active lifestyle I usually live.

That same week my gf (my second love who I'd been with 2 and a half years ) was working overseas for 2 months and we had been growing apart because I didn't want to commit and move to Sydney to be with her. A lot because she was so obsessed with work she neglected me and also because I wasn't ready at the time and felt like being out of the relationship.

I hadn't heard from her properly for a week then she called me and told me she had cheated on me.

Later that day she rang me, when I ignored her call she messaged saying she had been told her Dad was dying of cancer and only had a few weeks to live.

Obviouslu I was going to support her.

She remained where she was working at the time for another week in which time she continued to be with the other guy.

We caught up a couple of times in between her flying to see her Dad in Hong Kong. Each time she'd tell me she loved me and then something would happen and she'd call it off.

Her Dad passed away and I was still there for her but gave her space for a few weeks and then we proceeded to hang out a few times to the point she was calling saying she missed me etc but then she went silent again, finally told me she was pregnant and that we had to call everything off again.

Followong this she would tell me how much she loved me, then go silent again.

Eventually she said she wanted to really work thing's out.

We hung out for a couple of months and she would be super interested one day, call it off the next, never provide any support back.

She also had an abortion which I was there for and helped her through like every other time I've helped her through her stuff.

I never got to recover from the initial hurt, had to bottle up everything to be there for her but obviously the constant being broken up with got me really down.

A couple of weeks ago I couldn't handle the fact I couldn't even organise something nice for her birthday because I wasn't sure what was happening so called it off but told her I didn't want to.

During this I have had depression and anxiety as a result which is weird because I've always been the strong one for everyone.

Now I'm non stop crying, can't sleep, work (I work for myself so am alone a lot at the moment), have constant sad feeling, have seen a number of bad psychologists, don't know where I want to live. What do I do?

[Croix]

Dear Wanttobebetter~

Welcome here. I wish things were better for you however I will be blunt and say that any relationship you are having with your gf sounds very shaky and uncertain.

I will mention that at the outset you were perhaps not 100% sure of things, you did not wish to move to be with her. There could be many practical reasons for that, but the fact remains you had reservations or other priorities.

Since then your GF has been away, been with another and conceived, though you do not say if this was with you or the other. She keeps changing her mind about staying in a relationship with you, leaving you in great doubt and uncertainty.

True there have been huge events in her life, the death of her father and the abortion, and you have done you best to be the support you felt she needed. Honorable and caring.

This has not been reciprocated and now you find oyurself in a position where you are doubting things will ever be stable, and her be loving and reliable on a long term basis.

Reading you post it appears to me the matter is very one-sided and not hopeful for the future.

So you naturally now feel loss, grief, probably betrayal and anger, and overall sadness. With all the effort, emotion and even forgiveness you have given you have not received back what you hoped.

May I suggest you deserve better. There are many faithful and loving people in the world, I've had the great fortune to have had two such people as partners, and there is no reason why you cannot find one too, you have much to offer.

I know you have not found a psychologist you can benefit from. Maybe it is time you changed to another councilor, seeing your GP about that would be a start.. Apart from medical people is there anyone in your life to give you support? A family member or friend perhaps? Going it alone is very hard.

I would suggest you fill your life. I found work a great help, other than htat contact wiht people, trying to do the things you have enjoyed in the past, and importantly keeping up a social life, even if you do not feel like it.

I'd like to know what you think of this and also how you get on

Croix

[geoff]

Hi Wanttobebetter, thanks for coming to the forums.

What you've told us is disappointing in several ways, firstly the passing of her father and then the abortion, which you have supported her with both of these, only to be let down by her instability and uncertainty, so it's quite understandable why you are now feeling depressed as well as anxious.

I'm really sorry that someone you loved hasn't treated you in the same way and probably won't which could be the reason why you feel like the way you are, and nobody wants to visit a bad psychologist, this only makes you feel worse.

If you click on 'Get Support' scroll down until you see 'Find a professional', these doctors are aligned to BBlue and specialise in mental illness, and as you've found out, unfortunately, is we all need to be able to relate what concerns us to our doctor/psychologist, otherwise we won't be able to improve.

None of us wants a partner who treats us with disdain, we all need love.

Geoff.