guilt

[vnsjkdnds]

i have had diagnosed depression for nearly 3 years now after i was first diagnosed at 14 and the guilt it has left me with is unimaginable. my mum has to pay so much money to get me help, and this really worries me as she is a single mother and i dont want to be the reason she cant do what she wants. i feel so gulity as all of my friends have noticed that i barely go out with them anymore and my brother tells me how i bring the whole mood of the house down. i don't know how to change the way i feel 

[livi_mivi]

Hey, 

I'm really sorry to hear of your struggles, it sounds as though these have been weighing on you heavily. I just want to start of by saying that adolescence is a really difficult time period to navigate, let alone when you are struggling with depression. You should be proud that you found the strength to get some help and be vulnerable on these forums. 

I can relate to that feeling of guilt and I know how incredibly hard it is to feel as though you are a burden on those around you. I think it's important to remember that often people don't choose to be depressed and that's it's never something to feel ashamed of. Your mother sounds like she wants the best for you and is taking the steps to support you. Do you think it could be helpful to open up to her about how you are currently feeling? I think if you have been seeking help for your depression and found that it hasn't worked or you are making little progress, it could be worth going back to your doctor and discuss your current treatment plan. Depression has many ways in which it can be treated so it's important to find the right way that works best for you. There's nothing wrong with having to change it up . 

As for your friends and brother, do you feel like you can discuss your mental health struggles with them? Often, people that aren't experiencing it or have never experienced it before are unaware of just how exhausting and debilitating living with depression can be. They may just need a little bit of help in understanding how depression affects you so that they can find ways to be more supportive. 

Again, there is no shame in how you are feeling. It's a hard thing to live with and it often comes with feelings that you will never get better. Please remember in these moments that it's important to be kind to yourself and that it's okay to access and accept support. I wish you all the best and encourage you to continue reaching out on these forums, I know there's a lot of people on here that feel or have felt the same way! 

[Petal22]

Hi vnsjkdnds,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

Your Mum loves you and only wants the best for you, I'm sure your Mum would do anything to see you well.

Have you been able to speak to your Mum about the way you are feeling?

I believe it's hard for people to understand what people go through with a mental health condition if they haven't been through it themselves.

It's not your fault that you feel the way you do and I'm sorry that your brother said to you what he said.

People need to show more understanding.

Are you currently seeing a health professional?

[therising]

Hi vnsjkdnds

You sound like such a beautiful, highly conscious and deeply feeling person. You're a gift to your mum and I imagine she'd do pretty much whatever it takes to look after a gift she loves so much. As a mum myself, to a 19yo gal and nearly 17yo guy, this is exactly how I feel about my own 2. Having experienced depression, mental health is a major factor in our household and I do whatever it takes to manage everyone's mental health in our house. While it can be costly, finding certain avenues, it's about investing in how we loved to life. I believe love is found in evolution (turn the first 4 letters of the word around). Whether we're investing in our own evolution or someone else's, it becomes a loving experience, a loving investment in self and/or another.

When it comes to friends and family, sometimes people don't understand depression and sometimes they simply can't relate to it. Btw, I wonder whether your mum can relate, which is perhaps one of the reasons she's so invested. Anyone who can relate to depression, understands how hard it can be when it comes to a lot of the challenges. There can be so many - internal dialogue, finding energy, managing perception, rebalancing physical chemistry, feeling anything other than sadness, anger, guilt, self resentment and the list goes on. I've found a biggy is managing sensitivity...

I'm a super sensitive gal myself, something I'm actually proud of. While being so sensitive can feel like a curse at times, it does come with perks. With you mentioning wishing to change the way you feel, I can't help but wonder whether you're a natural born feeler, a 'sensitive' some might say. My 2 kids are highly sensitive. All 3 of us can be in a room when someone says something degrading. We'll look at each other with a knowing smile, later saying 'Did you feel that comment?'. We all have the ability to feel that internal 'down shift', to feel the comment and the intention behind it, to feel that person's nature to some degree. If you do happen to be a natural born feeler, wondering whether the book 'Sensitive is the new strong', by Anita Moorjani, might be of some help.

[Whimbo]

Hi vnsjkdnds,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience. Experiencing depression in adolescence is a very difficult thing to go through, and it can be hard to get a diagnosis due to stigma. It's great you were able to get a diagnosis so early, it seems that you and your mum did the right thing. In your post you mentioned feeling a lot a guilt regarding this, and guilt regarding not going out with your friends - have you tried opening up to them about these feelings of guilt? Also do you mind sharing a bit more about why these things have made you feel guilty? Sometimes simply writing things down can help you understand how you're feeling a bit better.