Finally admitting I need help

[MickeyH]

Hi,

I have finally accepted that I need help with what I believe to be depression and anxiety. I have never spoken to anyone, friend, family or professional about the extent of my mental issues. I can't even really put it in to words myself, I just know what I feel and think and I know it's not right.

I can't remember a time when I didn't feel this way, or when suicide wasn't in the back of my mind. I feel like as soon as I say the word suicide, I'm going to get committed. It comes in waves, at the most random of times, with no real trigger. Although the thought has crossed my mind many times, I have never acted on it and deep down I know that I would never be able to do it to my friends or family. But for the thoughts that go on inside my head, knowing there is a solution calms my mind down for a while.

I'm scared I will be told I'm over reacting. I'm scared I will be told I shouldn't feel this way because I have a good life. I know I have a good life, I know I have nothing to really complain about but my mind doesn't know that.

I suppose I'm here because I need some encouragement and maybe some advice how I approach this with a GP. I want to get better, I know this is the right thing to do.

[white knight]

Hi mickeyH, welcome

I have over the years told my medical processionals I've had times when I've had thoughts of suicide. Which is quite different to saying I intend to act upon my thoughts.

I've never been under threat of them admitting me to a ward.

So you have little to fear and an awful lot to gain in seeking help.

Its taken time for me to get a proper diagnosis which in my case apart from depression I have dysthymia and bipolar 2. So your diagnosis could be more complex than you think. All the note reason to get help.

Since my medication has settled I'm amazingly stable and wont fall into my depressed cycle.

Do it. You won't regret it.

Tony WK

[simplemann]

HI mickeyH,

I feel as though I may be in a similar position as you right now. I've always had a bit of intermittent depression that comes and goes without reason, sometimes a small pang of sadness, and sometimes an overwhelming and suffocating wave that slowly crashes over me.

I've never spoken to anyone about it, whether it be online, a medical professional, friends or family. I guess my reluctance has always stemmed from insecurities like "Am I just wasting the other person's time talking about my feelings like this", or "what if this person just spouts it off to other people" or if my friends are truly friends.

To make matters worse, I feel like I truly have no good reason to feel sad. I'm very fortunate to receive the education that I have now (still in University), to have such supportive parents, and to live in such a great country considering the strife people elsewhere face on a daily basis.

I already feel better reading your post, as the parallels I can draw from your words make the feelings I'm having now less alien.

I'm sorry that I personally can't offer any good advice, hopefully knowing there's somebody wrestling with similar issues is a small comfort.

[MickeyH]

Hi simplemann,

Your words could not have come at a better time.

Although I hate hearing someone experiencing the same pain as I, knowing I am not alone in this is comforting.

I hope you find the strength to seek help. It's taken me far longer then it should have, but I feel like I am finally in the right position to get the help I need.

[simplemann]

Hi MickeyH,

I admire you so much for building the confidence, and also to have the realisation that you do need the support of others. I hope some day I can reach where you are. Best of luck with everything.

[blondguy]

Hi Mickey

I do feel your pain. My first mega anxiety attack happened in 1983 when I was 23. Then the pain of continual anxiety and then depression. You are too strong a person to be contemplating suicide.

When you mentioned 'you believe' that it is depression/anxiety.....Have you had any anxiety (panic attacks) ?

Tony WK and Simplemann have great advice above.

I dont blame you for feeling that you may be told that you are over reacting. People that say this often have no idea of what you are going through.....They are often ignorant..

Can I ask if you have a GP that you get along with reasonably well? (the GP's are there to help you Mickey)

My Best

Paul

[MickeyH]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for you kind words.

I've only had one small anxiety attack to date. I have not had this condition confirmed by any medical professional and use the word anxiety purely for lack of a better one.

I have been investigating GP's in my area that specialise in mental health and have booked an appointment with one. Hopefully this is the first step towards diagnosis and recovery.

Thanks again for the support, each message is helping me more and more.

[blondguy]

Hey Mickey

No worries at all 🙂

You are smart and pro active. Even if your anxiety symptoms are small now its always a huge help to stop these feelings early. I wish I did!

Even if you want to have a chat about anything thats on your mind it would be great if you could post back 🙂

There is no such thing as a dumb question either, so if you have any queries just ask 🙂

You deserve a good day tomorrow Mickey....I do hope you can have one

Good on you for posting

My kind thoughts for you

Paul