Feeling depressed

[G1231]

1. I only get along with my mother and I don't get along with my siblings or father, this is due to him pretty much treating me differently to them all my life and he has had a habit over the years of being nice to me for a while, then saying or doing something to ruin the relationship and we don't talk for months. Then he will want to act very nice to me again only to turn on me again and say or do something hurtful, and I am really sick of him. I feel he has undermined me time and again by trying to turn me away from education, trying to convince me to stay in a job where I was being

mentally abused by toxic management, trying to control who I date and don't date, he even yelled at me because I buy my own groceries and I bought a brand of juice that my brother doesn't like. Another time he screamed abuse at me from the kitchen because I bought a coffee from McDonalds and he didn't like it, I won't repeat what he said. Also he never let me have friends over as a kid and he wouldn't even take me to other friends houses, he told me to walk, so I was a young kid driving on a dangerous highway and could have been hit at any time. Looking back, he has been extremely irresponsible in how I was raised and all of the stupid crap he tried to put into my head, like bragging about how much he likes to fight, sleeping with as many women as possible, how much of a "thug" he was, and because I don't follow in his footsteps and sit around listening to his vulgar talk / porn, I am rejected.

2. I also have had problems with jobs, typically because of management. I am not bragging at all because this has stressed me out to no end, but I seem to attract a lot of negative attention from people because of how hard I work and I typically end up showing some people up, especially in my current job. I want to switch industry to a more office based role instead of retail but I don't have much confidence in myself and I kind of lack soft skills.

3. I also feel that I lack a real purpose in my life. I get home from work and school and I just wish I knew of some kind of project to work on or build but I can't think of anything I really feel passionate about. I wish I had something that really pleased me, like some kind of interest or talent, but I don't know of anything sadly. I feel like I'm wasting my life working and trying to get ahead, but my personal time is wasted and I don't know what to do with myself in my own time.

[Cee123]

Sorry to hear that. Sounds like your father isn't very nice to you. Even at the best of times. He has no right to yell at you over those trivial things. Unbelievable. You deserve to be treated better than that.

I think it's kind of sad how the people who work the hardest are the ones who get abused more and have to carry the burdens of other people who don't do much at all.

Sorry to hear about that too. I hope you're ok. 😞 You will find something you enjoy maybe. Do you have any pets? Do any exercise? Or even as others have suggested to me maybe volunteering. I don't know. What about favourite tv shows, video games?

Wish I could be more help.

[G1231]

Hey Cee123, thanks for reading my post. It's awesome having someone to talk back to.

Yes it sucks being rejected by your own family. I've had to put up with all of his bullying and exclusion since I was a child and I've developed depression as well as a bad teeth grinding habit because of it. I got a warning from my dentist to stop not too long ago, or my teeth are going to crack, so I've tried to cut contact from his as much as is practical right now just to get away from his toxic grip.

To answer your question, once upon a time I really enjoyed movies and video games but I've lost interest in those things now. I do have a couple of novels I would like to finish but lately I just haven't been able to get out of bed until the last minute. I give myself enough time to eat something, have a wash and go on about my day but lately I just want to keep all the doors and drapes shut and just stay away from people and switch all my devices off. I try to exercise occasionally to keep myself in shape but I've really been struggling lately, I just want to lay there and avoid all appointments because of the way I feel.

I spoke to my GP and he has made a mental health plan for me and referred me to a psychologist but I haven't brought myself to make a booking yet. I just find it hard to talk to anyone lately, especially in the public, I don't want to look anyone in the eye and I don't want to speak to anyone. I think I am going to try to continue my novel tomorrow and see how I feel. It might inspire me to get up and be a bit more active, hopefully.

[Cee123]

That's alright, glad to help. I'm surprised no one else has commented yet.

I'm sorry to hear that. That would really bring down someone's self esteem and make someone depressed. He sounds toxic, to be honest. That sucks you have to put up with his crap. You deserve better than that.

Sorry to hear this stuff. Yeah, I completely understand you I am actually the same lately. Losing interest in things, no energy to do anything. Hiding away from everything. All signs of depression. What about medication? Your doctor should've prescribed you something maybe. My doctor made me a mental health plan too, and I didn't follow through with it. I feel so bad now. But I thought I was fine just on the tablets... until I ran out and I just didn't go back. But now I'm thinking about going back on the tablets again.

Yeah it's horrible. You don't want to go anywhere or do anything. I just find that I want to stay home for most of the time and not do anything. Yeah reading might help. They say we should do the things we used to enjoy even if we don't enjoy them anymore. But I don't know. Hope you're ok and you'll be feeling better soon.