Feeling alone

[Sarah83]

New to this forum, feeling isolated and lonely. I have bipolar 2 which I am still trying to get under control. Have been in major depression for a few months now and am finally starting to function. I have lost a large amount of friends and have become distant from family. How do people cope ? Anybody found the same ?

[white knight]

Hi Sarah, welcome

Yes, I have bipolar 2, depression and dysthymia...a low mood constant depression.

Kazzl, one our our other community champions has a good thread running now called "my bipolar life". So have a look.

Although considered far less severe than bipolar 1, it can be just as debilitating personally. Friends and family won't understand and friends won't tolerate it easily. Suicide rates fir bipolar sufferers is very high so it is crutial to learn all about this disorder.

Moods come and go, some from triggers other from no where. Whatever medications you are prescribed, perservere with trying them, it will take several weeks for them to work then tweak but under the guidance of your GP you'll get to " the sweet spot" that I've been in for some time. At that point you'll live a more contented life with less mood, more patience and be overall more tolerable. It is a good goal to aim for.

With bipolar 2 I've found that with groups I live on the boundaries, observe quietly and let others do the committee thing. Eg my small town has working bees...I take a rubbish bag with me alone with my dog and collect roadside rubbish. Over sensitivity is common hence bullies and conflict seems to attract us. We have to learn to be softer in our communication and you might have to distance yourself from others problems as your own bucket is already full. It will overflow easily. So learning to balance your life is needed.

You'll need an understanding partner but from your side of things you'll need to practice apologising. A lot of your actions and comments aren't ideal at times (foot in mouth). Now this could be due in my case to some level of mania so disregard if you don't have that.

Some mental illnesses criss cross so I have some difficulty differentiating between them.

Consider working part time. You'll find full time work very draining and arduous. Be kind to yourself, arvo naps and overall 8 hours plus sleep.

Google this in terms of friends

Topic: they just don't understand, why?- beyondblue

And

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

Hope you are OK. Post here as often as you please.

Tony WK

[Kazzl]

Hi Sarah, welcome to the forum. I have bipolar 2 as well, there's a few of us on the forum. I'm sorry you've been low, but it's good to hear you're starting to function again. Now is a good time to take stock of what you need to manage things going forward.

I'm a great believer in a combined approach to managing bipolar - medical care, talking therapy, and self care. And for me self care is really important because that's what I tend to forget. So, some questions if that's OK. Do you have a good doctor who understands bipolar? Are you on medication and if so do you think it's effective? Does it need reviewing? Do you eat well, sleep at regular times, get some exercise, do things you enjoy and not over-indulge in alcohol or other drugs? All those things are important to help keep us stable.

The other thing is talking therapy - do you have a psychologist? It's clear from what you say that family and friends are not a good source of talking support for you. I'm really sorry to hear that. Do you feel comfortable telling us a bit more about that? What's happened along the way that they have become distant?

While there are common situations and behaviours for all of us, we each still experience the condition differently. And while you've been through a bad depressive episode recently, it is possible to function and live a reasonably normal life with the right care and strategies hun. We can and do cope, so please don't lose hope.

I have a favourite blogger who is one of the world's leading personal-experience writers on bipolar. Her name is Natasha Tracy - maybe you could google her and read some of her writings. She has helped me a lot.

I hope you come back and chat more hun. I'd love to get to know you better.

Kaz

[Sarah83]

Hi tony,

thanks so much for taking the time to post, and appreciate your great advice.

i have kept my journey mainly to myself mainly because of guilt I feel relating to some behaviours and things I have said through times of mania so finding this outlet has been a great relief to me.

I have a very understanding husband who has been nothing but supportive considering what I have put him through and am very lucky. A lot of my isolation feelings I have is from places of guilt and low self worth.

I would love to work part time but I have a child with severe autism and delay which makes it hard to find a job. I have a degree but can't go back to that career because the hours aren't suitable. Have tried night time work but the lack of sleep really affected my moods. Sleeping is still an issue for me but latest meds combination is working better and although I wake up through the night I do manage to get back to sleep.

I really thank you for your reply, it was nice to find today after such a low day yesterday

Sarah

[Sarah83]

Hi Kaz,

thank you so much.

I have a really good psychiatrist who has been supportive along the way, just had a hard time finding the right medication fix. I was diagnosed originally a few years ago but decided I didn't agree with it (something I really regret now). My life spiralled out of control and found myself in an awful place which prompted me with the support of my amazing husband to seek help. I am on medication and this combination seems to be helping, it's been hard because I've had really bad anxiety that is never experienced before which I thought were side effects, my psychiatrist told me it was the progression of my illness which I found upsetting at first.

I do see a psychologist who is helping me with mindfulness as I'm very negative with myself and am very critical even when I try not to be. I do exercise and am trying really hard with self care. life can be challenging for us here as my youngest son has severe autism and can be quite stressful.

In terms of family and friends, I took on a lot of responsibility as a child for my family and always did a lot to help out, now I just can't anymore and it's taken its toll. My behaviours have chAnged a lot and have done things while I've been in state of mania that I'm not proud of and let that guilt get in the way of maintaining friendships. I didn't know at the time what I was doing but after is very confronting because it's not the person I am. Some friends I didn't tell what was going on with me, others I did, and their response was to distance from me, can't say I blame them really.

I will look up the blogger you have suggested,

thanks so much for taking the time out to reply to me, I really appreciate it.

I would also like to get to know you better too

Sarah

[Kazzl]

Hi Sarah - it's lovely to hear back from you. Yes, a lot of what you say is familiar to me too. I've done and said many things in the past which I now know was hypomania in action, but didn't know at the time. And I wasn't aware of the effect on other people. I still feel guilty and ashamed when I think of them. I had a big drinking problem for many years, self-medicating, and cringe now when I think of the things I did drunk and hypo. Nasty.

I'm glad you have a supportive husband (I do too, he's my lifeline and my rock). It must be very difficult caring for your son when you're unwell. How many kids do you have? I have two grown up daughters.

I lost touch with my extended family for a long time. My bipolar mind decided they didn't want to know me - why would they when I was an alcoholic, with marriage problems (first marriage), not able to (or wanting to) help with their problems, wasn't interested in everyone else's achievements, kids and grandkids. I was, in my mind, a bad person - angry, pushy, bossy, drunk.

Why I thought that when they didn't actually know anything about me at that stage defies logic. Anyways, as I've got a bit better, and realised I'm the one who didn't keep in touch, gradually I have reconnected (thank you Facebook) and am starting to feel more part of the family again. I have been reasonably open about my mental illness and found people much more understanding than I expected - both family and friends. For me at least 'coming out' and helping people understand not only bipolar but depression, anxiety and mental health challenges generally has been a good thing.

I guess it's one way to find out who your real friends are. I think when we do tell people we have to give them reassurance that we are managing the condition, have clinical support etc. Otherwise it can be scary for them, because most people don't really know anything about bipolar, or they have preconcieved ideas that we'll suddenly turn into a crazy person they don't know how to deal with. I tend to use humour to help. I say things like 'I don't get delusional, I don't think I'm Napoleon ... but I'm working on being Aretha Franklin'. Share a smile with them.

Hope some of that's helpful Sarah. Not sure how useful what I've said is, but I do know it helps to be able to talk openly and safely about what we experience.

Best wishes hun, let's keep in touch eh?

Kaz