Do I have bi-polar?

[sydneyharbour17]

Hi there,

I have recently started seeing a psychologist to help deal with the emotions I have experienced after a particularly painful break-up. It has been very helpful but in becoming more in tune with my emotions through these sessions, I have noticed a few things. Firstly I have noticed that I experience what I could only describe as 'highs' where I am completely satisfied with life, become extremely impulsive, spend a lot of money, have racing thoughts, am very productive and social, become even more loud and talkative than usual (I am an extravert) and sleep very little. Following these episodes, which last anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks, I usually become extremely down, have negative thoughts, sleep poorly, and yeah just become all round depressed. Again this lasts for anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.

My first depressive episode occurred when I was 15 (I am now nearly 20) and I have had these 'cycles' ever since although sometimes they are not as obvious and they are definitely much worse when I am experiencing severe emotional stress like I am now.

In the past month a have experienced 2 highs and am now entering my 3rd low.

My psychologist has been focussing very heavily on the break up but I would like to move away from that in my next session and explore these feelings further.

Does this sound like bi polar? How do I talk about this with my health professional without him thinking that I am just matching symptoms in my head like a lot of people do when they Google their illnesses? Also if it is bi polar what can be done to treat it?

Regards,

Concerned

[james1]

Hi sydneyharbour,

Thanks for posting your concerns here.

Unfortunately I can't comment on whether it sounds like bi-polar or not, but I can share my own experience with borderline personality disorder.

I went to my psychologist about 3 weeks ago for the first time with concerns that I had borderline personality disorder, or something similar. I was also worried that maybe I was just making it up in my head and, as you say, matching symptoms. Basically, textbook confirmation bias stuff.

I told my psychologist how I felt, I told them that I thought it might be borderline personality disorder, and I also honestly said that I wasn't sure if it was just me matching symptoms. And you know what? That didn't bother her at all because what she was concerned about was how I felt. My own self-diagnosis didn't matter, nor my concerns about self-diagnosing myself. All that mattered was my story about why I was seeing her, and how I felt.

So I think it's important for you to just be upfront and honest. Tell them that you want to focus on these feelings further and tell them that you've been looking at bi-polar, but you don't know. They're professionals so you can trust them to listen to what you have to say, and make their own best judgement. Of course, if you feel like they are being dismissive, then you know that's a bad fit for you. But I think it's important to remember that they are professionals and that's why you approached them in the first place.

Good on you for seeking help and being so determined to get the right treatment. It's times like this that we need to trust people who know better than we do, and turn away those who -think- they know better than we do.

Do you feel like you can trust your psychologist, or is it still a bit too early to say? I noticed you said you feel like they're focussing on the break-up more than you'd like. Have you expressed that concern to them?

James

[sydneyharbour17]

Thank you so much for your response, James.

You are right that I will just have to be upfront about the way I have been feeling. I do feel I can trust my psychologist just sometimes it is hard to get everything out especially when you only have an hour or so once a week. I always find myself having more to say than such a small window can allow. And yes I feel he has been focussing on the breakup a little too much but I suppose, again, air will have to be honest about that. 🙂

[james1]

I wish I could give you a big hug right now, just to say you're awesome!

Yes, I always struggle to fit everything into the one hour. I get to 40 minutes and go "oh crap!" So lately I've been writing down the things I want to cover and letting my psychologist know first, then she knows what we need to talk about, and if we don't cover it in this hour, to make sure we do next time.

When is your next session?

[blondguy]

Hi SH, I know you have been on a rollercoaster prior to and after your separation, and you still have the inner strength to post again and well done! I did see on the other post that you do have a pro-active attitude.

As a sufferer of depression since 1995 (and taking AD's) My psychologist helped me deal with my depression and helped me 'accept' and deal with the highs and lows that I was experiencing. The super highs and super lows are now a memory and have the usual ups and downs that many many people have.

Just from my experience (and my doctors) bipolar is another 'branch' of depression. Overthinking or symptom matching is natural and shows you want to recover. No worries there:-) (Just for me I avoid Dr Google as mental health can be made 10 times more complicated by trying to absorb so many points of view)

Research is fine and healthy but with a tired mind.....and what you have been through the last time we spoke..it maybe an idea to let the counselor deal with symptom matching. James brought up a great point about just come out and talk about what you have written here...He/She would be greatly relieved to know 'whats on your mind' so to speak. Then your doc can treat/heal you even more effectively.

Considering what you have been going through when we spoke last....I hope you can take this a step at a time without complicating your life with another type of depression that you may not even have.

Great to talk to you again SH and I wish I had the same strength that you possess when I was younger!

If I may...just a tiny tip....the more frequent the counseling the better the recovery...

My kindest thoughts for you SH

Paulx

[sydneyharbour17]

To James - aw thank you, I could do with some hugs to be honest. And yes it so hard to fit everything into that one hour! I will definitely take your tip about writing things down. That should definitely. My next session is on Friday. I've been going once a week but at my last session my psychologist said he was pleased with my progress and told me to start coming every 2 weeks. We will see how it goes, I suppose.

[sydneyharbour17]

Hi Paul - great to hear from you again! Yes, it has been a stressful few months. Honestly at times I am not sure how I am making it through. But I guess that is the nature of human resilience. And yes that's what I want, for my psychologist to sort of determine what experiences are symptomatic of, but I also want him to understand that this has been a fairly ongoing thing and not just due to what's been happening. But yeah definitely taking it one step at a time, just sometimes it feels as though the process in terms of mental health is very slow comparative to physical health. And thank you for saying that I have inner strength. Often lately I have been feeling very weak so it means a lot.

My kindest thoughts back to you, particularly concerning your daughter. xx

[Kazzl]

Hi Sydney, I can't say whether you have bipolar disorder, but I can say that I do (bipolar 2). Your symptoms are very familiar to me. I strongly suggest you tell your psych and your doctor.

If you've been googling you might have seen the test on the Blackdog Institute's website? Worth doing.

As for what it is, yes it is a 'branch' of depression, but it is different, in its physiology and manifestation. (I was treated for clinical depression for 15 years before being diagnosed with bipolar). Bipolar is often a genetic condition in which our brain chemistry is different and it manifests differently with the mania and cycling through the ups and downs. It is treated differently too in that it often requires mood stabilisers (and in more severe cases anti-psychotics) rather than, or as well as, anti-depressants. Some people manage it only with changes to their lifestyles and self-care, and I wish I could. Others, like me, need medication to control it and live a normal life (especially as I work full time). Everything I read says the best treatment is a combination of medication, talking therapy (psych) and self-care.

Bipolar is for life. Depression and anxiety can be too, but many people can experience depression only once or a few times in their lives. Bipolar never goes away, even when you're in 'remission' you know it is most likely to come back, and managing it is an every day thing. But having said that, provided it is not very severe (bipolar 1), we can and do live normally if we treat ourselves well and be constantly mindful of what we're experiencing.

There are a few threads on the Depression board that you should have a look at. Mine is This bipolar life, and there is another excellent thread by member Loula about being limited by bipolar.

I really think you must talk with your psych. Don't worry about whether they think you're matching symptoms - I mean, no-one actually wants to have bipolar (believe me!), so it's not like you're looking for a favourable diagnosis! But if it's occupying your mind, you need to know one way or another, rule it in or out.

Best wishes to you Sydney.

Cheers

Kaz

[sydneyharbour17]

To Kaz,

Thank you so much for your response and the information it provided. It sucks that it took so long for them to give you the diagnosis for bi-polar! Of course, like you said, I don't want to have bi-polar but I feel like it could explain a lot of what I have been experiencing in life, particularly in the last 5 years or so years.

I will provide an update after my session with my psychologist on Friday 🙂

[blondguy]

Hi SH,

I hope your day was good to you:-) Kaz is spot on with her advice. I just wanted to touch base and see how your day has been. When I was having the super highs and mega lows I really didnt know what to think either.

You are a legend for posting (again) and I hope you are doing okay 🙂

You are not only a great carer (as per previous post) but pro-active where your own health is concerned and well done to you!

Always great to have you on the forums

My Kindest thoughts

Paulx