Depression, loneliness, social anxiety, poor diet and sleep

[Comatose]

Hi, I'm 19 years old and this is my first thread. I'd like to talk a bit about my life and a few issues I seem to face on a daily basis. I'm open to any opinions about my situation. I will try to keep this as short as it needs to be, and for warning, I'm not so good at formulating my sentences.

depression and loneliness.

I experience depression, particularly at night. I feel a drastic change in my mood even when I was happy 2 hours ago, to the point I stay up late to delay tomorrow. I feel hollow, I listen to music and sometimes stay up until 2-3 am even when I have work that day. 

I can't really describe in depth why I stay up late in an act to avoid tomorrow but I would say it's a matter of not wanting to deal with the stress of tomorrow, and not having a purpose in my life. I feel like I've already lived enough, I've seen what life is like.

I find myself hanging out with my friends, having a good time and just dying in a sense. I fall numb, stuck in my head, stuck with the thoughts of how lonely I really am and how pointless life is. 

Sure, life has all these amazing things but I just don't feel like I want it anymore. I mostly fake my happiness just to seem normal. Don't get it wrong, I'm not suicidal... at least anymore. I just wish that I could be in a coma most days.

social anxiety? shyness?

I don't know. I am actively socially avoidant. I hide away when my family has friends over, and I sit in my car and eat lunch while others are socialising at work. I have a fear of talking to new people and even people I don't know that well. I'd just rather not stress and be by myself. I keep to myself but if I really bring myself to it I can manage, but as said I'd rather not.

Poor diet and sleep.

Due to these things I have poor sleep because I get stuck in my mind trying to answer a million questions I don't have the answers to. I tend to stay up late and even when I try to go to bed early it's just impossible.

I don't really have the answer to why I have such a poor diet. I just don't eat much, I don't have the appetite, and even when I'm hungry I just can't be bothered to have to eat. I usually skip breakfast and most days lunch as well. 

This has all been occurring for about 4 years, sorry if I didn't articulate it very well.

[Bob_22]

Hi Comatose,

Welcome to the forums and thank you so much for sharing your story. You've done a great thing in coming here and should be commended. I'm sorry you've been struggling with all the things you listed over the last few years.

I should mention, that if you feel you ever need someone to talk to please contact anyone of the following support lines. 

Beyond Blue

Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800

After reading some of the issues you listed (you are very articulate btw), I feel a bit of a connection to you. I've  faced some similar things. For me personally, once I figured out what was happening with the aid of my doctor, everything else including the shyness, anxiety, social life, diet and sleep fell into the place. 

Have you seen a GP, psychologist or psychiatrist for some of the issues you've mentioned? They can be very beneficial in identifying what is going on and treating accordingly. Alternatively, headspace is a great service for young people and offers a walk in clinic with help for mental health, physical health, work/study support and drug/alcohol issues. I used to work at headspace and there are some fantastic clinicians available there. If you're interested you can find your closest centre online. They also offer online and phone support through eheadspace.

I hope some of this helps. Please keep us updated and give any more info that you're comfortable sharing. Sometimes getting things off your chest can be a huge benefit. I hope you're also able to find some great support here on the forums to. 💙

[Comatose]

Hi Bob_22, 

Regarding GP’s, psychologists and headspace:

I have been to two GP’s about 6 months ago, personally I didn’t find them helpful because they either didn’t dig deeper into any of my problems or devalued my words by just blaming my problems on not getting enough nutrition and sleep. + they didn’t connect me with a psychologist who would actually be able to understand my life. Actually no, one did, they said that I would be contacted by one about a week after the appointment and now 6 months later the email never came!

To put it on paper, I hate my local GP’s.

Getting a psychologist would roughly cost me 25% of my months income. That explains why I’ve never been to or had one.

The moment I walked into my local headspace 6 months ago when I was seeing GP’s, I felt an eerie feeling and like nobody there actually cared. I had a bit of an introduction interview and to say the least, they didn’t necessarily listen and I just didn’t feel good about them.

At this point in time I quit my job from burnout and well… practically workplace bullying.

I have a new job that I like now with much better people. I was unemployed for 4 months and during this time I had the worst schedule on the planet. I was very suicidal during this time. Nobody seemed to care in the industry of mental health and I just stuck it out myself.(It’s nothing new for me to do things solo when it comes to my own mental health and to be honest I like being reserved.)

[Bob_22]

Hi Comatose,

Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad experience with the GP's and with headspace. That is disappointing to hear. It is great to hear though that you have sought out professional help. I know it can be frustrating trying to find the right clinician and for me personally, it was a bit of a journey. But it is definitely worth it in the end and I would recommend you to keep trying. Just as an FYI, during the intake interview from headspace you will usually be assigned to a clinician who is on a different team (so not necessarily the same clinician). But sorry again you had a bad experience.

It is great to hear that you are at a good workplace right now. I am unemployed at the moment and can empathise with you about having a poor schedule and low mood. I hope you are doing better now comparatively. Also, I didn't get a chance but here is a list of upcoming group chats on the headspace main website if you are interested in jumping in on any of them. They may be a good chance to ask some of the questions you could have around diet, sleep, socialising etc. 🙂

https://headspace.org.au/online-and-phone-support/join-the-community/chats-by-professionals/

Bob

[Comatose]

Bob,

I'm glad to have someone to relate to, I hope that you stay healthy and keep a clear mind while you are unemployed. It is quite rough but when I was unemployed I was luckily surrounded by great friends and family, so I hope you are too. I found that journaling was a great use during this time and being optimistic about the future. It's a slippery slope when being unemployed, and very easy to be taken down.

I applied to 20+ jobs when I was out of work and only got about 4 interviews, with only my last interview being for the job I have now. It can be quite discouraging but I would try to limit stress during this time by spending time with friends, participating in hobbies and trying to keep some sort of schedule no matter how small.

To put it in dot point form of how I stayed somewhat calm and at peace when unemployed, I would;

• Journal
• Spend time with friends or family
• Participate in hobbies
• Try to maintain a schedule (no matter how small)
• Try to set goals around looking for work ("I will apply to 3 jobs this week" or "I will work on my resume")

No need to state my opinion but at a chance, it is helpful in any way, I thought I would do so with some experience behind it.

Thank you for taking the time to respond, it is much appreciated and I wish you the best!

[Bob_22]

Hi Comatose,

Thank you so much for your reply and for sharing your experience with unemployment. Yes it has been difficult indeed, especially after being rejected by jobs that you were so close to landing. I do my best to fill up my time with useful pursuits by spending time here on the forums for example but can do better with maintaining a schedule. I joined the gym recently which also has been helping. I have some interviews also coming up that I am hopeful for. 🙂

Thank you again so much for your support and I will definitely take your tips on board. Also please feel free to keep us updated here or on other threads. It's always great to hear about how users journeys develop. 💙

Bob

[therising]

Hi Comatose

Sounds like you're a very conscious person, conscious of how you feel, how you think, the need to question and the need to find direction. I wish someone had told me years ago what becoming more conscious or 'waking up' was really like. Would have made the previous handful of years so much easier.

I've found becoming more conscious is definitely not all unicorns and rainbows. Sometimes it's horrible, stressful and depressing. Paint a pretty picture, don't I? Truth is we can start to wake up to what's depressing, while waking up to our ability to feel our experience in life and where we're at. Waking up to heightened sensitivity is definitely one of the bigger challenges. I should add, if you see sensitivity as kind of like a 'super power', then it actually becomes something to be proud of and master. Give you a few examples when it comes to sensitivity (the ability to sense)

• As you mention, walking into a room and sensing other people's lack of enthusiasm when it comes to helping you definitely has a vibe to it
• Sensing someone downplaying, belittling or shutting down your feelings can be either angering or depressing or both at the same time
• Being able to sense what over thinking or deep self analysis can do to our nervous system is another challenge. A nervous system in a state of hyperactivity definitely has a feel to it

While a lot of the experts point to diet, exercise, sleep etc being so important for a number of reasons, let's simplify. It's all about energy. If you see yourself kind of like a human battery, it becomes about being 'in charge'. If you are a serious 'feeler' or 'sensitive', you'll feel who/what drains you, who/what simply doesn't charge you up and who/what actually leads you to feel yourself in a state of charge. Very little energy also has a definite feel to it. Personally, a depressing lack of energy is one of my main triggers for depression. The challenge is to stay conscious of where my level my energy's at.