Depression I need people around me

[Chris D]

This is my first time back to BB in quite a few yrs. I am currently at my lowest point in many years, all I'm seeking is people to support me. Hope someone can chat to me.

[Chris D]

Hi Smallwood & Aliaskind,

It is sometime frustrating trying to talk to the ones you love but also for me personally I don't want to burdened them with what is going on with me.

I feel much more comfortable coming to BB or getting help on other sites. I feel like I'm heard, understood & have a voice to which people listen to the words that are spoken.

I have ppl ask me how I'm going & I feel like I can't be completely honest with them meaning I'm not telling them completely how I'm feeling.

I hate not being completely honest with ppl I feel like I'm lying to them which makes me feel worse as I'm not that sort of person.

This thought of lying to ppl just feeds the condition, it's like it feeds itself making it more stronger than the time before.

You know yourself best so you know that something isn't right. As time goes by you begin to notice the same thoughts & feelings becoming more prominent on a more frequent basis.

There becomes a point in ones life when you realise you have a mental illness, after this you need to learn quickly how to look after yourself & working out your coping mechanisms before things spiral out of control.

Chris

[AliasKind]

Hi Chris,

That is the benefit of the forums, as you so eloquently put it, heard, understood and have a voice which is listened too. I'm not sure the people in your life would feel it's a burden, nevertheless it is hard to open up and show vulnerabilities when it isn't reciprocated.

I think it's common for people not to talk about how they're really going. How often do people ask and the common response is 'I'm good' or 'fine thank you' and it's referred to as being polite, rather than lying.

I wonder do you see mental health professionals? A doctor or psychologist/psychiatrist? I see all three. That could ease the worry of things spiralling out of control.

[smallwolf]

On people asking how you are... I have on occasion replied, that depends on the answer you want. I am not trying to be rude and some who genuinely ask say ...

The real answer

That is what works for me. I guess I have gotten used to lying. Otherwise I was chatting with someone and his comment was when his wife asked him a similar question was that it wasn't any one thing in particular and perhaps a whole bunch of things creating a perfect storm.

How are you going with your coping strategies?

[emsym]

Here for you ♥️

[Chris D]

Hi all,

I must firstly say, I appreciate all of your posts & words of support.

I am slowly making my way back to where I need to be. I have been doing what is best for me & basically looking after myself.

My coping mechanisms are starting to work, it has taken abit of time to get them to work for what I need them too.

I still need to link in with professionals which is a battle at the moment. The reception at where I see my psychiatrist are giving me grieve & won't let me see my psychiatrist. The reason is, because I didn't see my psychiatrist for quite sometime I am now classified as a new patient & so the receptionist have stated to me that my psychiatrist isn't taking new patients.

Basically in short the receptionist are stopping me from seeing my psychiatrist, which I'm not too impressed about.

Nothing was meant to be easy in life, it's certainly a challenge.

I am starting to talk a little more & letting ppl know how I am & how I have been feeling in recent days.

My first step to get back on track was seeking assistance on BB.

To acknowledge you have a mental health concern is the first step in recovery. In many cases recovery last a lifetime you need to learn on the run what works & what doesn't.

Thank you
Chris

[AliasKind]

Hey Chris,

I feel proud of you, taking steps, noticing improvements, opening up to people. Good on you! It's a little inspiring. I'd love to hear more about your coping strategies, if your open to it.

It must be so frustrating to have the receptionists deny you. One would think continuity of care would be important. I wish you well with this. These additional battles are certainly meant to try us. I truly hope you have success.

[smallwolf]

What you said about trying to see your psychiatrist would certainly be frustrating!

It is good to hear that you are speaking with others how you are feeling. I found it is better than trying to hold the feelings inside. And your coping mechanisms are working again? Remember you are putting into practice everything that you have learnt. I am not sure if I told you about a walk up the mountain analogy but it sounds like you might be coming up out of the valley and onto a new path.

Following you, Tim

[Chris D]

Hey,

Each day I'm getting abit of mental strength back to do things.

Today I was able to do something I hadn't been able to do for about a wk or more. It wasn't much but it was more than what I managed in the days prior.

The clinic at where my psychiatrist is closed until the end of the first wk in January. I was able to call them today only to find out there closed.
Fustrating to say the least.

My coping mechanisms vary day to day he by hr, they can range from listening to music, watching tv, laying down or even just sitting outside. In saying this, you need to do what is best for you at one particular time.

I've learned many coping mechanisms over the yrs from when I was first diagnosed. I basically had to learn on the go what worked & what didn't.

I think the biggest mental scar for me would be knowing I had it for so many yrs yet I couldn't tell anyone. To have something so strong & powerful in my head for a long period of time is going to take many yrs or even the rest of my lifetime to get over.

This current low feeling is nothing compared to what I've had. I was worse than a train wreck back then.
When I was very depressed I fell straight through hell & kept falling. I thought black was dark but it nothing to what I seeing in my head back then.

[AliasKind]

Hi Chris,

Wow that's such positive news, doing things you didn't have the strength for a little while ago. Good on you!

Thanks for describing your coping mechanisms - I've been in a state of ______ I don't even know what to call it. Almost nothingness, not wanting to do anything, nothing to do, just sit and wait - wait for what I don't know, perhaps inspiration. It's a little sad how this is ok to do, nothingness leads to emptiness. Anyway news from me, is I have a job interview on Tuesday approaching. I'm somewhat excited and somewhat nervous. I haven't worked in a long time, so fingers crossed it will amount to something. Could be the spark I need to jumpstart me out of this depressed state. Just filling in time in a more productive way.

I do hope this forum is helping you Chris (& any others reading along) it helps to connect, albeit in an anonymous way. If only there was a way to connect like this in a more personal way.

I hope it's not insensitive to ask, but how did your Christmas go? I hope you got a reprieve and found a reason or two to enjoy the day.

[Guest_4643]

Hello ChrisD, how are you doing?