Depression forced me to cease work

[D-80]

I was working full time enjoying life until workplace bullying led to major depressive disorder and anxiety.   I had tried to do some work but the impact on my mental health was significant. After even a 1 hour consult with a client, I’d be in bed, unable to face the world just wanting to sleep sometimes for days.   Keeping up my role as father and husband has been severely affected.   I’ve now ceased all work and this did provide an improvement in my mental health but it was short lived.  I am now in a low mood, doing only the necessities of life and spending my time in bed.   I feel paralysed.   I can’t seem to move forward. The only thing I look forward to is bed time, and that is a challenge given my struggles trying to sleep.   On the nights I have a sleeping tablet it’s great.  The noise and self hatred stops until I wake up.  I don’t know what more to do.  

[ABC01]

Dear D-80,

Thank you for sharing your post. I too used to work full time until my anxiety started interfering with my everyday life and I had to make the choice if I had enough mental energy to keep struggling everyday or not. I ended up leaving my job and I felt respite for a short while too. Then life set my anxiety back off as I ruminated about life and how I was now going to be able to afford it ect, ect. Sleep is a wonderful respite and I often looked forward to just being able to go to sleep again.

I am not sure if these suggestions might help but:

Sleep is so important for our minds to shut off and our body to do it’s healing through sleep. If we sleep whenever we want to and not at night, it throws our sleep routine off kilter. And can lead to poor quality sleep and waking up feeling tireder. Try to reset your sleep. Go to bed only when night comes. I know you have said that you have alot of thoughts in your mind that don’t shut off until sleep. Exercise is a great way to release pent up nervous energy. You can work through quite alot in your mind on a walk. You may even be able to incorporate your family into these walks,for fresh air together. Stopping by a playground to play, or a soccer ball on a oval to kick around. It could help strengthen your family connections and release some energy that can help give you better sleep.

If you have anything you have wanted to try in the past,but have been putting it off,now would be a great time to try it. Puzzles are a great family activity. When is the last time you went to the beach or the zoo? Ever wanted to try your hand at painting or playing the guitar? Small steps to begin with lead to big ones. Excitement maybe reignited.

And mindfulness techniques can be helpful. Breathing, meditation, coloring books or reading books/articles can help find pockets of calming time.

And finding someone you feel comfortable with and expressing yourself is very important.

Most importantly,please remember to be kind to yourself. You deserve it.

ABC01

[D-80]

Thanks for your insight.   I found increasing dosage of meds didn’t help and the feeling of wanting everything to just end growing.   In the last week I’ve started walking almost daily but I need to make sure it doesn’t consume me.  I focus so much on walking I’m almost walking 10-12kms a day.  It’s a distraction from the couch but not ideal long term.   It does make me more tired but it also makes me cranky as I tend to the chores of parenthood etc.  I’m trying to take the pressure off. Trying to be kinder to myself but I just end up in a spiral of guilt. 

[BlueLily]

Hi D-80,

Sorry to hear you are going through all of this. You are doing great posting in this forum and also taking in lot of the tips shared. I want to encourage you to read other posts as well in this thread which will make you realise that you are not alone in this journey.

It's great to hear you are walking a lot, which I also find very helpful when I'm depressed. One thing I try to do is rather than walk around the house, I would drive a short distance to a park near by and walk. Also I try to rotate going to different places on different days. Then it will stop consuming you and instead you will start enjoying the walks as it can get interesting. Also you can ask a friend/family to accompany you.

I found it that not everybody around me understood what depression meant or how to help me. But after I was verbal about what I was going through and how I felt, I felt relieved and also others were able to empathise and help me. 

Hope you keep fighting and getting better.