Depression and Addiction

[MichW]

Ive battled depression and anxiety all my life, from as early as I can remember, so many underlying issues that ive never seeked help for because well how is talking about it going to help or fix it... I developed a drug addiction at an early age and got clean after almost dying and losing everything in my life.. well everything that was important to me. Stayed clean for 2 1/2 years, up until last month...

How could I be so stupid? Its pathetic, how can I let this drug control my life, why cant I stop? What did I do?

I don't want to become who I used to be again - I wont survive

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[geoff]

dear Mich, thanks for posting your comment.

Whether it's drugs, alcohol or any other form that does have control over us is never easy to stop, once we have, because what happens is that we all of a sudden hit a bad spot in our life, once again, and our only relief we feel is start up again, or maybe one of our mates comes along and says 'come on just have a go at this man, it's great', so once we do then it's back to square one.

2 1/2 years is a long time when you stop, it's a big achievement, and I can't blame you for starting again, probably disappointing for you and many others, but if I condemn you then we won't get anywhere.

I am presuming that you are a male, and what you lost could have been a girlfriend, and please correct me if I'm wrong, but initially when you stopped may have been why.

You are looking at another life threatening situation, but I would like to know if you want to keep talking to me, I really hope so, and please reply back. Geoff.

[Cestro]

Hey Mich 🙂

I want to start by saying that; regardless of what battles you may face, regardless of how complex they may appear, it always helps to talk about you're problems with others. If you don't, it doesn't give you an opportunity to experience their support, and everyone needs support sometimes.
Also, when you talk to people about the battles you face, it gives them the ability to offer advice, show that they care and discuss you're problems from a clearer perspective. I know from personal experience that anxiety can cloud someone's outlook on any number of things.

Lastly, I don't know whether you take the drugs as a relief, to escape you're anxiety and depression, or if you have just developed an addiction over time. However, I do know that it doesn't at all make you pathetic or stupid for taking them again. People make mistakes all the time, that's just life. I'm pretty certain that there are allot of people out there making bigger mistakes than that.
You just need to focus on getting off the drugs, find something that motivates you, and realise you're goals. If you want to quit the drugs, you will succeed, as long as you are dedicated/ determined enough. Kind of like starting a diet; it takes allot of determination and drive, but if you want it enough, you will succeed in achieving you're objective.
There is nothing stopping you from getting off the drugs again, If you did it once, you can certainly do it a second time. Just make sure you fight through those pesky mental barriers everyone gets, such as doubt and not believing in yourself.

You sound like a true fighter, so don't give in now. Keep fighting this battle and eventually you will be victorious.
P.S; There will always be people to talk with about you're problems, people who will understand completely. Never feel alone, never feel lost, because your not 🙂

[chickenpie]

Hello MichW

 I too have battled with anxiety and depression and this is my first post. YOU ARE NOT STUPID OR PATHETIC. I am an alcoholic, and a pot user...I found AA to be invaluable in conjunction with doctors, family etc. From being in the AA rooms for three years (and only 19 days sober, the most continuous sobriety I have had is 5 months earlier this year) AA or NA, depending on what your main addiction is, can be invaluable. Unfortunately both fellowships have a policy of relying on attraction rather than promotion and they can often be overlooked because they are free and basically word of mouth. There are many pple in those rooms who get sober and better, relapse a bit or a lot,  others who get in and never relapse but whatever your story or circumstances there are a lot of people like you around. Like with mental illness they don't scream it from the rooftops...I often get quite angry with people who appear on TV etc and say they are now sober and don't mention these programs when I know from other readings they are members or have even spotted one or two well known people when I went to big meetings in the city. In conjunction with sites like these it can be a big help and there are 24 hour helplines, you are defs not alone and defs not a failure. No of us want to be depressed or anxious and not of us want to be an addict but accept that now you are and there are other programs that may also be of assistance not instead of beyond blue but as well as. BBlue itself has but the number of depressives with drug issues at 500,000 in aust....I reckon it's much higher personally. If you are not already aware of them I suggest you look 'em up and hang in there, call em find a local meeting if possible, someone may even take you. We are all such mixed bags, do not be discouraged you can do it again, it takes a village sometimes to get someone well  hugs 

[White_Rose]

Dear Chicken Pie

Wow that was some post! Congratulations on managing your struggle and I wish you all the best in the future. Welcome to Beyond Blue. I hope you will continue to post your support for others and ask for help and support when you need it.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Dear Mich

Welcome to Beyond Blue. It's good to have you on board. Please stop beating yourself up about your slip up. If we were perfect we would have no need of drugs or alcohol or any other form of substance abuse. Certainly there would be no need of Beyond Blue or the organisations mentioned by Chicken Pie.

We are all broken. And we all need help. I have hated myself for years for being me. Well, that's what I am, me. I can make me a better person and I can work on not slipping up, but the most important thing to work on is forgiving myself and accepting I am not perfect or ideal. I can set goals for getting well and I am getting better but I had the biggest slip up six weeks ago. So now I am climbing out of that hole. Come and climb with me.

My addiction is eating. OK I'm not grossly overweight but I get constant lectures, usually from my GP, about the need to lose weight. Not the same as drugs? That depends. Over eating is not illegal but it in many ways it is far more persistent because it's not illegal and because it is obvious that many, many people also overeat. In my opinion it is a drug because I use when I am unhappy to get relief. And I struggle to get off the merry-go-round.

I feel pathetic and useless. Why can't I control myself? So I keep battling and I want to think you will also keep battling and continue to pick yourself up every time you fall down. It's more than a cliché. Stay lying down and get your breath back, but make it brief. Getting up again is what matters and every time you do it's another battle won and more exercise for your self esteem and ability to try again. You will get stronger.

I feel I have written a whole heap of trite comments but they are all true. Keep going.

Mary

[geoff]

dear Mich, just seeing how you are going, and can I also say that Mary has made a good point, we know that what ever we are doing may not be good for us, but to be lectured even by our doctors is not the way they should handle it.

I know that they mean well and good, but it gets to the point where we just turn off and don't listen, or perhaps we miss out on seeing them, knowing that they will lecture us again.

What ever it is, such as drugs, alcohol or eating too much or anything else we do, it's never easy to stop and then stay away from them for ever or at least a long time.

Our weakest point is when something goes wrong, so we need the urge to strt again. Geoff.