Completely Exhausted

[lujen]

Hi all,

Finally decided to post something after much apprehension. Oh well here we go I suppose.

I am a university student who after an overall disappointing high school experience decided that university would be the point where everything would change for the better. I have spent the past year chasing perfection in my results in the hopes that I can transfer into my dream (and extremely competitive) degree next year. So that's worked out so far... at a cost.

I have struggled with forming friendships in the past but deluded myself into thinking that it would work out in university. Turns out I was wrong. I feel like I have nothing in common with those around me or that I do not understand small talk as if it is some wavelength that I am not attuned with. For the first few months of university I tried my best to make friends but I felt like I was just an 'extra' who accompanied them and this made me feel like I was an idiot. So hence I decided to give up, and from then on I decided that all I needed to make me happy was top grades. And so I spent the next semester working every single day, chasing every single mark. By the end of the semester I was exhausted and struggling to keep it up, but regardless I pulled through.

2018 rolls around and I've changed accommodation (hoped to find new people). By now the isolation is making my journey more difficult and sudden health problems ruin my midsemester holiday, bringing me down further. My mantra of perfection is now a facade to me but I still know I have to work. I experienced frequent moodswings and felt my attention and memory were falling. Despite all of this, I still keep my grades up.

And that brings us to now. I have one subject this semester (going for a year's worth as required for application). I feel physically weak and emotionally exhausted every day. I have to force myself to eat and some days I miss class and sleep until midday (I hate myself for doing this yet when I wake up in the morning the though does not cross my head). I despise the weather and my surroundings. I get no pleasure out of my hobbies as I can't focus. The worst feeling is the envy. I look at others my age around me and they appear to have friends and relationships. I feel like I am throwing my youth down the drain. My attention span is now abysmal. I study in tiny bursts at irregular intervals and hate how one last subject means so much. I've had enough of this year and everyone around me.

[baet123]

Hi Lujen,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting and providing us with an insight into your situation. It is extremely brave and courageous of you to reach out and that is something to be proud of in amongst its self.

I can relate to your struggles at the moment in many respects. I too am a university student and like you I can see the finish line finally! It seems like your very intelligent and driven which is amazing! This is something many people don't contain so that is a real credit to you!

University and student life as you mentioned brings many challenges particularly socially and mentally. It is important to find or try and find an appropriate balance between your social life and time for your studies. Have you tried joining a community at your university so you can meet people with similar interests and hobbies as yourself? If you feel comfortable, maybe you can phone your university or visit your student support services and make a few enquiries. Finding like minded people is a great way of building your social network and meeting people who share the same passions as you do!

Whilst studying is very important and you pushing really hard to receive the best marks possible to chase your dream degree, I think you might be your own biggest critique and are a bit to harsh on yourself. We all are our own biggest critique. Maybe try focusing on the positives which I can see there are many things you can and should be proud of. Also, treat yourself! You work super hard and every now and then take a break and just enjoy yourself. Spoil yourself because you deserve it. This can be a great way of relieving stress and ensuring that you recharge your battery and clear your mind. Ensuring you sleep well, exercise and eat a healthy may be things to look into also.

One of my favourite things my father says is nothing in this world that is worth doing is easy. What you are doing is amazing and is not easy to accomplish.

I hope to hear back from you and I hope what I have said may be of some use to you!

All the best.

Baet123

[HamSolo01]

hey lujen and beat123

Thanks for being so open and honest in your post

I can relate to a good deal of what you wrote. I recently completed uni myself, well i say recently (i finished in jan 2018). But my experience there was sort of similar to what you said.

I admire the fact you chased your grades and it sounds like it paid off? if I read that correctly?

Maybe now is the time to take inventory and slow down. Figure out what is next for you.

I can tell in the tone of what you've said that you are exhausted and that is perfectly understandable.

The biggest issue I had at uni was the making friends part. I think it's hard to do as we get older and discover our passions and our interests at this age. IT's not easy. I nearly quit uni because of the confusion, isolation and everything but I saw it through because I knew it was something I wanted to do.

How long do you have left in your course?

I know what you mean too when you talk about seeing people around you who are in relationships. That's a big catalyst for me too, I start to wonder what the hell I'm doing wrong. I would say to you that it's not that bad to not be in a relationship but i've been there and i know how bad it really feels so it would simply be empty words thrown at you and that's not fair.

I will say that what you feel is normal for our age though, regardless of what you do with your life. I recall someone i was friends with a few years ago who didn't do HSC and was facing the same troubles in regards to relationships.

I guess the next best thing you can do is focus on yourself and pursue your goal. See what happens, go from there and focus in on it. Because what else is there that we can do?

Hope you are okay today