Bullying and harassment

[Bradp]

I am currently on worksafe due to bullying and harassment in my work place. I'd been putting up with it for months then one day I just snapped.

Since then iv been on a roller coaster, up and down, taking my antidepressant makes me tired, not sure it's helped me as past two weeks iv hit rock bottom.

I can't go out in public, I can't drop my kids at school without crying, I spend most of my time hidden away up in the forest or in the shed.

Covid has actually been a blessing for me and a great excuse to hide away.

I refuse to accept any fun, I can't work on my cars or bikes, I can't operate my excavation equipment, seeing construction people or even a Ute with an orange light on the roof triggers panic attack followed by dark depression then suicide thoughts. (Why?).

I spent months trying to find a psychiatrist (he just put me on an antidepressant) then 6 months to find a psychologist, the mental anguish is terrible calling these specialist just to be knocked back.

I finally found a psychologist, Mawarra Psychological Services, had a month wait then a 30 minute phone conversation, next available appointment a month away (which is this coming Wednesday). I can't believe I survived the past month.

I can't look my little babies in the eyes, I'm crying now. Iv let everyone down. I'm scared. I just want to go to sleep. I'm absolutely panicking that my employer or the insurance company is going to call everyday. I turn my phone off for days. My partner is just hanging in, I can't see her handling me for much longer.

I'm sorry I just need to tell someone

[Sophie_M]

Dear bradp,

Thank you so much for taking yet another brave step and reaching out to our caring online forums community. It sounds like you have already taken some monumental steps to improve your mental wellbeing: finding a psychiatrist and psychologist does too often take a lot of time. We know it isn't easy but it is so important that you have.

Here, you'll find people who truly understand the rollercoaster you describe so well as everyone in this community draws on their own experiences of mental health to give and receive support to others. While the support these forums provide isn't immediate, it certainly requires far less waiting than you've been doing. 

If you would like to talk to someone about what you are going through immediately, please contact our Support Service on 1300 22 4636 anytime day or night. You can also email (and expect a reply within 24 hours) or webchat to the mental health professionals there between 3pm and midnight AEDT via: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support. Alternatively, you can reach out to our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14 or the Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467.

If at any time you feel you're at immediate risk of harming yourself or others please know this is an emergency and you should call 000 straightaway.

Once again, thank you for sharing your story with us today. Welcome to our valued online forums community. We sincerely hope you find it helpful.

[therising]

Hi Bradp

I imagine you'd find it hard to believe but you're an incredibly powerful person. This is how I see you.

If someone told me of all they had tolerated under the circumstances of mind altering abuse, I imagine I'd say 'My god, I would never have had the strength and determination to tolerate so much'. Everyone has their breaking point. Typically, we don't know what it is until we reach it. You reached yours and it finally got you out of where you were. Sounds like it was hell on earth. From tolerating the intolerable to not tolerating it anymore triggers a new way forward, a different direction. I believe one of the hardest things to navigate involves a course we have no existing 'map' for. In other words, which way do we go when we're not sure where we're meant to be headed?

Finding positive guides can be tough, especially when we're faced with guides who offer us nothing other than 'a magic pill' or tell us 'You'll have to wait, to find direction'. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how inadequate the mental health care system is, in some ways. I'm glad you came here to vent and try and make sense of what you're experiencing.

I imagine you're incredibly exhausted, after living for some time with people where you worked exhausting your nervous system, over and over (through stress and fear). Be kind to yourself in your recovery. You deserve to be cared for in deeply thoughtful ways. Massages from your wife and other ways she can research how to relax you toward recovery are, I believe, necessary. If she can't manage you, the least she can do is help you manage your nervous system. Our partner is not just our partner in excitement, they are also our partner in how we recover our self at times. Our kids can also help us recover our self, in incredible ways. As a mum to 2 amazing teenagers, I can vouch for this.

The forest or the shed may, for now, be a natural therapy for you, in your recovery. If these things relax you, go with it. Again, be kind to yourself and start small with the challenges you're facing, if you can. Don't underestimate what is challenging. For some, in depression, a major challenge can involve getting out of bed every morning. Accepting this challenge is therefor monumental. For yourself, working toward becoming desensitised to that flashing orange light may be a huge challenge better faced at a time when you have more energy or when you've learned to understand your nervous system to the point of mastering it.

Take care 🙂

[Helarctus]

Hello Bradp,

I hope you are doing better today.

If you are on leave from work through Workcover, this sounds like there has been some sort of formal escalation and investigation into the matter. Depending on which state or territory you are in this could have differing outcomes as some states, workplace bullying and harassment can actually lead to jail time for the bully/harasser.

(Brodie's law: https://www.justice.vic.gov.au/safer-communities/crime-prevention/bullying-brodies-law )

One thing that might help is if you take a bit of time and think about what sort of outcome from this situation would be acceptable for you. If the people you were working with have created this problem, what would resolve it? It could be something as simple as acknowledgement that they were wrong with an apology and assurance it wont happen again, or something more significant and formal.

If you do have a contact for the Workcover case, talking with them about the process will help you get an idea of time frames and probable outcomes which could also help you with giving you a point in time to circle on the calendar, noting to yourself that you can park some of the concern until that point because things are moving in X direction towards Y resolution. A lot of harassment is about power and control, so this sort of exercise helps you restore some of your control over the situation without having to directly interact with the bully/harasser.