Hi Kidle
I think when we hit middle age (I'm 53yo gal, by the way), there can be this thing in our head that dictates 'You should really have it together by now'. A skill I'm actually working on developing lately is the skill of mastering inner dialogue, especially seeing it can mess with self esteem. So, to the inner critic that suggests I should have it all together, I would say 'Better late than never'.
Read a brilliant book called 'Insanely gifted - Turn Your Demons Into Creative Rocket Fuel', by Jamie Catto. Catto suffered terribly as a kid, with debilitating levels of anxiety that eventually became deeply depressing for him. With help, he managed to turn this around and gradually develop into the person who wrote this book. In the book, he speaks of the many facets of self that go toward making up the whole of who we are. For example, there can be the inner critic, the victim, the risk taker, the philosopher, some fearful aspect of self, the excitement seeker etc. Some come to life and are developed through certain life experiences and some are yet to be developed. All will have a different dialogue and a different feel to them, a different set of emotions that will come with each. I find this take on things relatable, as it can help explain a lot at times...
I'll use cooking as an example. It requires a collection of facets (of self) in order for us to become skillful at cooking. There are the fearless and cautious aspects of us that have no fear and are careful when it comes to cooking with gas and a flame. The fearless part of us may also come to the forefront when it comes to not being afraid to fail at certain attempts at cooking. Or perhaps it's the philosopher or sage in us who manages a failed attempt, 'You are an apprentice, not a master yet. Mastery takes practice. Keep practicing'. There is also the reader in us that's already been developed well enough to help us follow a recipe and the list goes on. All these facets are what help bring the skillful cook in us to life. Another factor that needs to be in play for this to happen is...the skill or ability to not channel the parts that will sabotage our efforts (the harsh inner critic, the victim, the fearful aspect and so on). What I find handy is asking 'What part or parts of me do I need to tap into, in order to master a skill or develop an ability?'. Another handy thing involves getting a feel for what facet's in play. An inspirational part of us will have an up shift feel and dialogue to it. A depressing part will have a downshift feel and dialogue. The downshifts tell you you're working with the wrong facets.
