Blue sea

[Aree]

I have been feeling very low with anxiety and melancholy. I worry unnecessarily but can't seem to help myself.  I have a good life with a loving and supportive family. There is no reason for these feelings but I just feel so flat and self absorbed.  I try to live in the moment but do not have the faith to let things go and see where it takes me.  I feel useless and self critical.  I am irritable and feel unhappy.  I try to wake up happy but I force myself to get going even though I feel a dark cloud above me.  when I am with friends I feel inadequate mentally and physically.  I have spoken to a counsellor and have relied on my husband who has been so patient and supportive but I am at the stage where I believe that no one can really help me.  It seems to difficult for someone to really understand how I feel.  I just want to feel better and do not understand why I can't.  I was taking medication with the guidance of my GP which I reduced as I would like to get off it which the GP supports. I have not felt much better in the time I have used this drug.  I guess I don't know what to do or who to talk to.  I hope you may have some guidance for me. From Aree

[therising]

Hi Aree

My heart goes out to you as you face this deeply challenging time in your life.

Can relate to that 'self absorbed' feeling. Took me years to figure it out. In a period of 'deep self analysis', it makes sense to be inward focused. 'What's wrong with me? Why can't I be happy? Why can't I see the way forward?' etc, is the need to know why you're suffering.

'I just want to feel better and do not understand why I can't'. Might sound a bit strange but no one ever taught me (growing up) how to feel in constructive ways. It's something I came to learn over time. For example

• For years I wondered why I faced depression when my husband and others around me were doing all they could at times not to upset me. They'd even express compassion while tolerating my times in depression. In hindsight I can say people not actively raising us to meet with inspiring revelations and positive change we can relate to definitely has a depressing feel to it. People leaving you vibing in depression, while not doing all they can to lead you out of it feels depressing. It's a feeling that pushes us to seek inspiration from the right people
• Standing in the centre of proverbial crossroads in the middle of nowhere, with no signposts and no guide  definitely has a feel to it. 'Alone and not knowing which way to head' is a feeling. Can be such a deeply depressing feeling at times, especially when you've been standing there for a long time. It's a feeling that pushes us to seek guidance

I've found feeling in better ways can be about 1st recognising 'I have the ability to feel' and 2nd saying 'If I have the ability to feel, what's this feeling telling me?'. Next to no energy definitely has a feel to it. Whether it involves a depressing lack of inspiration, a mind that goes a million miles an hour (taking the nervous system for a ride) to the point of exhaustion, a depressing vitamin/mineral deficiency (b12, iron etc), a depressing lack of good quality sleep (such as with sleep apnea or insomnia) or a depressing lack of soulful adventure, all relate to not feeling the energy that connects us to life. 'Not feeling a connection' (a trait of depression) has a desperate 'push for change' feel.

[jaz28]

Hi Aree,

I am sorry you have been feeling this way, but you have come to the right place for support. It is great that your husband and doctor support you, it is important to have a good support network when you are going through struggles with your mental health. Don't be afraid to open up to your husband, he could really help you! Have you considered asking your GP if you could see a psychologist? That might be the next step that could help you!

I hope things improve soon,

Jaz xx