Anxiety or Depression?

[SG1993]

Hi All, this is following on from my last post a couple weeks ago with where I am at and how things are.
I haven't been able to see a GP yet and haven't been overly keen to due to the fact that I would probably lose my Gov. job and have a cascade of other events occur, however I have more-so just been monitoring how I have been going and will make the decision to see someone if there is no improvement.

Long story short from my other thread, I've had issues at work the last 12 months with definitely some workplace bullying (Management told me to basically suck it up and be resilient) . This has had me extremely depressed whenever I would travel away for work for the few days I would be there (I work away from home so I spend 3-4 days a week away from home).

Last week the culprit with this workplace bullying tried to put me in the spotlight for something I did not do, and just interacting with him and rightly justifying myself left me extremely anxious and I could feel my heart beating through my chest.

I literally cannot enjoy my last day off any more because I know I will have to travel to work, and it's gotten to the point where I don't want to do anything really on that last day off because I just feel really down and sad about travelling back.

Someone might be able to weigh in here on this - currently I can only be happy when being around home and with my girlfriend. At work I feel like I have this heavy weight on me where I am just constantly feeling upset and just anxious about things that I shouldn't get anxious or worried about (for example, worried about my girlfriend when she has proven to me she is extremely loyal and would never do me wrong).

My biggest problem is that I just go into my shell when I am at work and it feels like that roller coaster of emotions like I explained. I have gone from an out-going care-free kind of person to someone now who is constantly down about being away from work & my partner, and just feeling like I can't really be properly happy and enjoy the things I would usually do even when I am away from that environment.

Does anyone else experience these acute fluctuations in feelings? I can be walking around and just feel dizzy, and generally unwell at work. Even travelling to work at the end of my last day off can easily get me quite upset and again nearly making me feel sick .I've always tried to push through this, my work performance is suffering as a result and I feel my relationship may suffer as well.

[geoff]

hello SG, there's no doubt you need to see your GP, and if for any reason they sack you which would be difficult being in a Government job, then you need to go to the Fair workers Commission or the Ombudsman for unfair dismissal due to MH.
The title of this post asks whether it's anxiety or depression, well it's both as you have mentioned both of these in your comment, but never the less the two are also there with one another.
Your GP can give you time off due to stress or whatever they deem it to be, plus any bullying by management is definitely not suitable and is condemned, so you need to document what you can remember, what's happened and how they have done it if it's taken to the fair workers commission.
You need time off work to go and see your doctor who is legally bound to confidentiality, but you're not well and need their help. Geoff.

[Neil_1]

Hi there SG1993,

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

I agree with what Geoff’s response has been to you, where I think it high time you made that GP appointment. They should be able to answer some of your concerns, as well as give you some help with how you’re feeling.

May I ask what opportunity you may have to find work in another Department or in a different Branch (area)? To get away from this bullying behaviour that you’re experiencing. It really does suck that this happens, but unfortunately, it does and for a lot of the time, these bullies do get away with it – probably been doing it all their lives and they just continue on. You’d hope that karma would come along one day and fix them up!

So I guess my question back to you is: if you were to obtain a job in a different area and that things at work changed and you were in a much more friendly and positive environment, how much of a change to you do you think this would have?

Neil

[SG1993]

Thank you Geoff & Neil for your responses - Yes that does make good sense, I am feeling now that I would be more comfortable to see my GP and have that chat with them about all of this and how it is affecting me.

I think what I am going through is definitely a result of the bullying at work. A lot of this happened mid last year and went on and off through to March this year. Even though things are mostly fine at work now, I cannot shake those symptoms of Anxiety and just feeling really down there at work.
This was particular evident when I ran into the culprit last week and he was starting to have a go at me for something that I was not responsible for - he outranks me quite a bit so I couldn't exactly bite back and put him in his place.

I took a whole month off work and went on Holidays with my spouse. That was fantastic and the whole time I was off I felt so much better being away from work. Much happier, performance in my physical activity was a lot better as well.
I can almost pin-point these issues stemming from the work-place.

I have asked for a relocation to be closer to family/friends and mostly to get away from the issues there, however that has been denied due to where I want to be relocated happening to be a desirable place for a lot of people in the Gov. Service I work in.
They changed me onto a different roster to "start fresh" away from the culprit at work, however feelings of anxiousness and feeling quite "down" at work has not changed really one bit.

I know for a fact a relocation closer to family/friends would help a lot - as in my month away I was actually quite happy, clear thinking and having literally nil anxiousness or depressed feelings (I was constantly dreaming/dreading about work though most nights which I couldn't shake).

Prior to these issues at work I was really quite fine and accepting of my position where I am and willing to "do my time" before changing location when the opportunity arose - now I feel like every shift is literally my last in that job and that I am hanging on and just getting through shifts with the emotional roller-coaster of feeling very anxious before, during and extremely down while there.

I know for a fact a GP will write me a letter and have me off work indefinitely which would likely 'black list' myself when it comes to a work relocation as they are very desirable and sought after places.

Thanks again for the replies and guidance!

[Neil_1]

Hi there sg1993

Thank you very much for your kind response back and giving a bit more of an update of things.

These work situations can be difficult and very tricky to deal with and get around sometimes. Your situation really does seem to follow this pattern … unfortunately.

I did like the part though where your wrote, “… things are mostly fine at work now, …” then you went on to say that it’s difficult to shake the feelings of anxiety, and yes, I know what all that is about. But it was the first part, where it seems that there’s been a change of some sort made and that for the most part, things may be a bit better – having been changed onto a different roster sounds like a good thing and that they are looking out for you. It’s just that you have these underlying feelings, from the awful treatment you received and they will be hard to shake – especially if the bully is still “fairly close by”.

One of the biggest things in all of this though aside from your own health and well-being is your job … while they are often times painful and can be difficult, they still bring in the all important thing called money. But having a job, while it can be such a hard thing to deal with at times, as we find out from situations like you’ve been in (and like I briefly mentioned above, I was in a place like this also – fortunately though, I was able to be get a move arranged), they are so important to keep hold of and can in fact, have the beneficial advantage of occupying ourselves throughout a day, to help stave off the claws of the black dog.

May I just ask, where you say that right now you feel like each shift could be your last … does this mean that there might be other bosses that you deal with (or other staff) who are making things difficult for you in your current place?

Neil