Am I depressed? at what level?

Bluedaze · ‎29-08-2014

Hi all, just joined BB.

I have only just recently become aware that I may have depression, still cant believe it.

I always thought I was just lazy or unfit. Been like this since a teen (40 yrs ago). What has made me concerned is it's getting more frequent and starting to effect my work. So.. here is an example - weekend.

I work all week 6 days, hanging out waiting for my 1 day off. I have so many things I want to do or continue with, my Sunday comes and I will just sit in a spare room or on couch and spare for hours at a blank wall. Usually I sort of come out of it at the end, to get some things done but day is pretty much trashed. Doesn't happen always but having more.

I seem kind of paralyzed, not tired but not energized either, stuck in a mundane limbo. Don't what to more or do anything.

Not even sure what triggers it, lately no specific reason or event.

There a pile of other stuff also.. (later).

I got a 36 on the K9 test also just before (was trying to be upbeat also but honest).

So, I guess I may be depressed, what level or type would I be?

Haven't seen /seeking any help yet, not sure I want to yet (more questions 1st), only did a on-line session earlier with an agent. Was really helpful, for a moment I felt like I was actually worth something.

Could tell you more about my self but really don't want to bore anyone.

Thanks for reading 🙂

laura86 · ‎03-09-2014

Hi Bluedaze,

Welcome to BB and well done for taking the hardest step and posting here. I know it's daunting but you have done the absolute right thing!

We all know what that hole is like, being in limbo, feeling hopeless. That's why we are all here to help each other! There doesn't have to be specific triggers, sometimes depression sneaks up on us without any warning. Even a doctor I saw found that hard to believe but it's true!

Definitely start by seeking help and seeing your GP. If they aren't helpful there is a link on the BB website under Get Support>Find a Professional to get you in touch with a doctor that is a BB supporter and knows about mental health issues. Trust me- I have seen some hopeless doctors that don't even listen to you. There are better ones out there though!

I too did an online session recently and you're right- you start to feel like you are not worthless after all. Something I have learned from the amazing people on these forums is that you just need to keep taking one small step at a time. We are all here to help you- you ARE worth it! We are your friends on here so don't feel like you don't have any!

Please keep posting and we will keep helping each other.

Much love,

Laura

Bluedaze · ‎03-09-2014

Wow, that really means so much to me, and thanks heaps.

I thick you are the friends I have been needing to find. For a long time.

I cant see anyone professionally (not yet), I have certain issues and many questions 1st, besides, I just don't think I can tell my whole story to anyone. Never told a living sole.

Go to go now but.. will try to type more from work but my dumb iphone wont let me type stuff?

laura86 · ‎03-09-2014

Hi Bluedaze,

Don't worry I have things I've never told anyone either and I'm not sure I ever will. You don't have to feel obligated to say anything you don't want to. At the same time there is no judgement for anything you do choose to say on here.

Speak soon,

Laura

xx

Snoman · ‎03-09-2014

Bluedaze,

Laura is right. There is no judgement here or obligation here. Just friendly, supportive and understanding people.

You seem to have questions. Ask away. We will do our best to answer.

If you have never told anyone, perhaps you could write it down privately. Just for you to get it out of you. If you do choose to tell someone professional, then it may be easier to read it to them, or it may have helped you to organise it. Just a suggestion.

Before I say my psychologist, I wrote a "timeline" of key events in the past 10 years. It helped me to step back from my events and to help give me a starting point in our first session.

Sno

Bluedaze · ‎03-09-2014

I just dont want any restrictions placed on me, and I think I'm beyond help anyway.

Besides, i already have the solution.

Again thanks for your posts & kind words.

P.S. Sno, you really should try to tell your phyc the whole story, it will be a TOUGH day, but they cant really help you fully until this (correct me if wrong)

laura86 · ‎03-09-2014

Hi Bluedaze,

No one is beyond help! I know that at times you are so down on life and yourself that things feel hopeless. You are so worth helping and caring for, and that's what we are here to do

I'm not sure what your solution is but I hope you are ok and are staying safe. Please know that you're not alone, especially not anymore!

Keep posting and we'll keep listening and replying and helping. Don't worry about falling apart and venting in these forums because we are all getting through this as a team.

Speak to you soon my friend

Laura

xx

geoff · ‎04-09-2014

dear Bluedaze, there's an old saying 'what's good for the goose is good for the gander', it's been around for years, so I am interested when you say to Sno ' you really should try to tell your phyc the whole story', so these stories that you can't tell a psych could be the opening to part of the major problems.

Can I also say that the 'solutions' you have found are you trying to solve your depression by yourself, but remember these hidden stories are an enormous part of what maybe causing all the trouble.

We all try and analyse ourselves and then try and fix these problems, but invariably we go down the easy path, which maybe right but normally not, and that's why we can never solve our own depression. Geoff.

Snoman · ‎04-09-2014

Bluedaze,

I really clicked with my psychologist. I told him everything that seemed relevant (and some other bits too). He was really easy to blab to. I felt comfortable enough to tell him all about ALL of my ugly thoughts, plans and feelings (if you get what I mean). Getting it all out was very helpful.

I'm not sure what you mean by restrictions. What restrictions are you worried about? Please remember, we have all been through or are going through what you are going through right now. This is why we don't judge. We support. We care. We understand.

I'm also curious about your solution. As Geoff points out, we can't solve our own depression. Our minds are not well enough to be able to see what is needed to get well again. A circular problem. We need some outside support to help us.

As for that line: "I'm beyond help anyway", that is the depression talking, not you.

Now go and re-read what Laura86 rote to you. She put it very well. Those exact thoughts and sentiments apply from me.

Chat soon buddy,

Sno

laura86 · ‎04-09-2014

Hi Bluedaze,

Are you ok lovely? I'm worried about you. We're all here for you.

Let me know how you're going : )

Bluedaze · ‎08-09-2014

Hi all,

I'm .. fine, just been having a really bad week.

I owe you all the respect of at least a reply so again thanks for all of your kind support.

What I think has happened (what I'm experiencing) is that over last last 2 weeks, since joining BB and the call has caused a huge release, 1st time I've ever done anything like this.

And in doing so, I've dug up all of my zombies. The ones that have take me years, all of my life to bury, even gone back a few steps from progress I've made recently (with my personality disorder).

So here I sit, all 400 of me, (a little crowed here).

The "Solution"? lets just hope we never have to go there, should not have mentioned it.

I will pose here and there as I find here many like myself and feel I can offered lot of very deep positive thinking & self awareness that's help keep me afloat.

Again thanks to all and a huge thanks to you laura86. Yes I'm OK, I believe I'll get through this, I'm a survivor and I need to convince others here that they are too.

Cheers.